- File Size: 1581 KB
- Print Length: 219 pages
- Publisher: New Harbinger Publications; 1 edition (June 1, 2015)
- Publication Date: June 1, 2015
- Sold by: Amazon.com Services LLC
- Language: English
- ASIN: B00TZE87S4
- Text-to-Speech: Enabled
- Word Wise: Enabled
- Lending: Not Enabled
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #4,736 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
|Digital List Price:||$15.15|
|Print List Price:||$18.95|
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Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents Kindle Edition
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|Length: 219 pages||Word Wise: Enabled||Enhanced Typesetting: Enabled|
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About the Author
Marguerite Gavin is a seasoned theater veteran, a five-time nominee for the prestigious Audie Award, and the winner of numerous AudioFile Earphones and Publishers Weekly awards. Marguerite has been an actor, director, and audiobook narrator for her entire professional career, and has over four hundred titles to her credit. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
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What I like about this book, in particular, is that is reveals the systematic nature of emotionally immature thinking, which underlies the behavior of parents, lovers, friends, and public figures. By revealing the pattern and then explaining the cause (self-protection), it allows the reader to depersonalize the behavior and the damage it has done.
For the first time, I can feel "It wasn't me. It was never me. And, it's still not me." And, for the first time, I truly understand that it's a fools errand to try to make someone more emotionally mature. It's their path. I need to accept them as they are and decide how I want them in my life, if at all.
Lastly, this book is very good for people whose parents weren't excessively narcissistic, who weren't controlling or grandiose in an exaggerated fashion. One's parents can be stable and kind but still deny a deep connection with their children because they can't tolerate negative feelings. This book reveals these more subtle dynamics while explaining that the fallout is anything but subtle to a child's emotional development.
I burst into tears reading the chapters on internalizers and how they end up dealing with this; it was like reading my life story. I'm not sure my parents were bad enough to be considered true "narcissists," and I really do believe they love me. But they fall so clearly into the "emotional parent" (my Mom) and "passive parent" (my Dad) the author describes, and it was a disastrous combo for my sense of worth. It explained their behavior right down to exact words and phrases they use, and it also explained MY behavior and some of the self-sabotaging choices I've made as an adult. I was so relieved to hear it wasn't all in my head, that there were things I could do to find real emotional connection with other people, even in my 40s!
I didn't come away judging my folks, but rather with new insight on how to deal with them, and how not to waste another minute of my life trying to get through to family members who have no desire to change. I'll take my parents as they are and not expect more than they can give, but also begin holding myself accountable for good choices now that I have this new information with which to move forward. I'm so thankful I found this book- it was dead on in its specificity.
Top international reviews
This book provided a clear and concise answer.
This book helped me understand at long last why my childhood felt like one long nightmare even though there was no obvious trauma. And that’s because of emotional neglect. Neither of my parents were able to care emotionally for me and now I know why and what to do about it.
I’m so grateful for this book and I urge anyone who wonders why they felt so lonely as a child to check it out and see if they too might have had an emotionally immature parent. Then the healing can really begin and life will be so much better.
I would strongly recommend everyone to read this, as it so clearly sets out why people sometimes spend a lifetime hampered by the emotional needs and unrealistic expectations of their parents.
As Lindsay cleverly states, this behavior is like the metaphorical elephant in the room - hidden in plain sight, and never talked about.
Reading this has enabled me to see and understand my parents’ attitudes towards me as a child in such a clear way - and also that of previous partners and other significant people I’ve encountered throughout my life.
Emotional immaturity is a common problem it seems - and once you know how to spot it and observe it in a more helpful way, it really is very liberating.
This book really can change perceptions, and it can most certainly lead to more peace and positivity in life and relationships.
What I found especially helpful was that it was not just a new paradigm for understanding that was presented, but also included were workbook like checklists, relatable but short examples from the author's clinical practice, and suggestions for moving forward, rooted in one's particular personality.
Seldom have a read a book where it felt like the framework for understanding zeroed in on key aspects of my experience -- both as a child and as an adult -- with such depth and accuracy.
The book also helped me more accurately understand my parents. I knew my mother to be narcissitic, but to so clearly identify her as an 'emotional' type was very useful. I knew my father was distant, but again, the ty[es presented in this book helped me understand his role with more insight and clarity. Lastly, the discussion on freeing oneself gave me a lot of understanding about something I'd long known was true but didn't quite understand -- the feeling of great relief when my mother passed away. I now understand that and no longer feel any guilt about it.
There's empathy to be received simply by the reading of this book.
Looking forward to the Workbook that will soon be released in the UK.
Fabulous book -- you won't be disappointed.
The psychotherapist very clearly identified my mother as being emotionally immature, but I failed to take away any coping mechanisms. Armed with this information, I felt completely lost and really quite angry at the thought of having to deal with an emotionally immature parent.
I’m still angry and will need further therapy, but I’m slowly learning how to protect myself and heal from the emotional immaturity displayed by my Mother. For a long time I’d try to encourage her to see things from my point of view, which was always deeply frustrating. Since reading this book, I’ve stopped doing this, in order to protect my own sanity and emotional well being.
One of the qualities the book mentioned with regards to an emotional immature person was obsessions and lack of acknowledgment of other people’s views and opinions. My Mother has a 10 year unhealthy obsession with veganism and ‘famous internet doctors’ and judges those who don’t adhere to her view of what’s ‘healthy.’ She has extreme views and isn’t capable of seeing things from other people’s perspectives. She frequently says people should ‘do their research’, so they can ‘educate themselves’ to her way of thinking which I’ve always found very patronising and narrow minded. I’ve always struggled to understand this, but now I know it’s part of the ‘emotionally immature’ mindset, it’s made it much easier for me to cope with as I have an internal understanding of it.
I’m only half way through the book as mentioned above, but so far it’s amazing. Thank you.