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Come As You Are: Revised and Updated: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life Kindle Edition
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For much of the 20th and 21st centuries, women’s sexuality was an uncharted territory in science, studied far less frequently—and far less seriously—than its male counterpart.
That is, until Emily Nagoski’s Come As You Are, which used groundbreaking science and research to prove that the most important factor in creating and sustaining a sex life filled with confidence and joy is not what the parts are or how they’re organized but how you feel about them. In the years since the book’s initial publication, countless women have learned through Nagoski’s accessible and informative guide that things like stress, mood, trust, and body image are not peripheral factors in a woman’s sexual wellbeing; they are central to it—and that even if you don’t always feel like it, you are already sexually whole by just being yourself. This revised and updated edition continues that mission with new information and advanced research, demystifying and decoding the science of sex so that everyone can create a better sex life and discover more pleasure than you ever thought possible.
—John Gottman, Ph.D., author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
“Emily Nagoski has written one of the most important books about sex any woman (or anybody else) could ever pick up, full of insights that are both fascinating and deeply useful. Synthesizing new research and theory about sexuality with old-school sex-positive information of the sort you didn’t learn in sex ed (unless, perhaps, you are a Unitarian, or Scandinavian, or lucky enough to be in Dr. Nagoski’s class), I guarantee Come As You Are will open minds and change lives.”
— Carol Queen, Ph.D., Founding director, Center for Sex & Culture
“Emily Nagoski is worth her weight in TED Talks, and Come as You Are is a master-class in the science of sex.”
— Ian Kerner, sex therapist and bestselling author of She Comes First
“It’s the science of sex, decoded and demystified. Want to be educated on the latest findings about female genitalia? Of course you do. Empowering and sex-positive at best, this informative read makes for an enticing bedfellow.”
“Lots of books — and articles and experts — claim to have the keys to transform your sex life. This one actually has it. It isn’t as fast as taking a pill, but it will last a whole lot longer. You will find no hot new bedroom moves — it’s that deeper-level soul stuff. You know, the stuff that actually works.”
“Wonderful new language to help us articulate to women (and their lovers) what is going on.”
“Like a punch to the gut. When I read the passage that made me realize—after all these years—that I was not actually broken, I began to cry. . . . I wished [Nagoski] was someone who was actively in my life, someone I could reach out to for grounding every time I momentarily forgot the lessons in her book.”
“Nagoski’s book deserves plaudits for the rare achievement of merging pop science and the sexual self-help genre in prose that’s not insufferably twee. . . . [Come As You Are] offers up hard facts on the science of arousal and desire in a friendly and accessible way.”
—The Guardian (UK) --This text refers to the paperback edition.
About the Author
- ASIN : B08BZWXK9J
- Publisher : Simon & Schuster; Revised, Updated edition (March 2, 2021)
- Publication date : March 2, 2021
- Language : English
- File size : 5693 KB
- Text-to-Speech : Enabled
- Screen Reader : Supported
- Enhanced typesetting : Enabled
- X-Ray : Enabled
- Word Wise : Enabled
- Print length : 390 pages
- Page numbers source ISBN : 1982165316
- Lending : Not Enabled
- Best Sellers Rank: #2,766 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- Customer Reviews:
About the author
Top reviews from the United States
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However - I am disappointed by the lack of details regarding how female sex hormones work. Maybe that's too sciencey for this book or not in the author's wheelhouse, or perhaps there is a lack of data on this? I'd like to know how sex hormones work in relation to the menstrual cycle (follicular, luteal phase and so on) and if there are any pearls of wisdom we can glean from this when it comes to our sex lives. Surely there is something to be learned from how we are wired to ovulate (and more likely to be up for sex at that time) and the various sequelae (how does PMS come into play, and what can we do about it, etc). The author seems somewhat dismissive of hormones and their impact on sexual desire, which may be true, but I feel like there is more to the story here...
Also, and this is nitpicky, but there are SO MANY METAPHORS it is hard to keep track of, and recall them all. I get the utility of the metaphors/comparisons to help illustrate an idea, but I felt like I was doing a lot of mental gymnastics to remember things because of the astounding number of metaphors. (And when I asked husband how he like the book so far, this was also his first comment).
Unlike most books about sexual wellness, this isn’t going to cover the basics and make you yawn (like Vagina Bible, that was a snooze). This book is the ultimate practical trouble shooting guide for your love life if you’re single or partnered. That doesn’t mean its full of quick fixes- it’s not. Healing isn’t quick or easy but it’s so much better when you have someone like Emily to light the path ahead for you and put everything into perspective.
This book will make you go "Really?! I never knew that!" and you'll be so glad you learned. I made so many notes and highlights in the book on my Kindle app. I feel like all the puzzle pieces of my sex life were finally falling into place.
I’d also recommend her other book Burnout which she wrote with her sister for understanding more about completing the stress cycle.
First, helpful on how to focus, relax, allow yourself just to experience pleasure; just be ok with how you're made; not be so goal-focused as to miss the present experience.
At the same time, along with most authors today, she blames a lot (most?) of female sexual dysfunction on "cultural brainwashing," by which I think she means (in addition to admittedly destructive "rom-com" culture) "oppressive cis-gendered western" culture. But that Western culture has also allotted women far more value than many other historic, or geographic, cultures. Was I traded in marriage against my will for so many sheep? Was I forced to undergo painful mutilation of my body when I was a child? Do I have to bring my husband with me to go grocery shopping or to the DMV? No. That's also because of the culture we are part of. It seems unhelpful, not to mention inaccurate, to blame so much of women's sexual issues on that culture, at least with no mention at all of what is positive in it.
This author is by no means alone today in her viewpoint, but since hers is the book I've just read, I thought it worth mentioning. Take the meat, spit out the bones.