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The Connected Child: Bring Hope and Healing to Your Adoptive Family by [Wendy Lyons Sunshine, David R. Cross, Wendy Sunshine]

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Wendy Lyons Sunshine

Karyn Brand Purvis

The Connected Child: Bring Hope and Healing to Your Adoptive Family Kindle Edition

by Wendy Lyons Sunshine (Author), David R. Cross (Author), Wendy Sunshine (Author) Format: Kindle Edition

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"An extremely useful parenting handbook... truly outstanding ... strongly recommended."

--Library Journal (starred review)

"A tremendous resource for parents and professionals alike."

--Thomas Atwood, president and CEO, National Council for Adoption

The adoption of a child is always a joyous moment in the life of a family. Some adoptions, though, present unique challenges. Welcoming these children into your family--and addressing their special needs--requires care, consideration, and compassion.

Written by two research psychologists specializing in adoption and attachment, The Connected Child will help you:

Build bonds of affection and trust with your adopted child

Effectively deal with any learning or behavioral disorders

Discipline your child with love without making him or her feel threatened

"A must-read not only for adoptive parents, but for all families striving to correct and connect with their children."

--Carol S. Kranowitz, author of The Out-of-Sync Child

"Drs. Purvis and Cross have thrown a life preserver not only to those just entering uncharted waters, but also to those struggling to stay afloat."

--Kathleen E. Morris, editor of S. I. Focus magazine

"Truly an exceptional, innovative work . . . compassionate, accessible, and founded on a breadth of scientific knowledge and clinical expertise."

--Susan Livingston Smith, program director, Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute

"The Connected Child is the literary equivalent of an airline oxygen mask and instructions: place the mask over your own face first, then over the nose of your child. This book first assists the parent, saying, in effect, 'Calm down, you're not the first mom or dad in the world to face this hurdle, breathe deeply, then follow these simple steps.' The sense of not facing these issues alone--the relief that your child's behavior is not off the charts--is hugely comforting. Other children have behaved this way; other parents have responded thusly; welcome to the community of therapeutic and joyful adoptive families."

--Melissa Fay Greene, author of There is No Me Without You: One Woman's Odyssey to Rescue Africa's Children

Length: 290 pages	Word Wise: Enabled	Enhanced Typesetting: Enabled
Page Flip: Enabled

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Editorial Reviews

Review

McGraw-Hill authors represent the leading experts in their fields and are dedicated to improving the lives, careers, and interests of readers worldwide

Dr. Karyn Purvis was the Rees-Jones Director and co-founder of the Karyn Purvis Institute of Child Development at Texas Christian University in Fort Worth, TX., the co-creator of Trust-Based Relational Intervention, and a passionate and effective advocate for children. She coined the term “children from hard places” to describe the children she loved and served, those who have suffered trauma, abuse, neglect or other adverse conditions early in life. Her research-based philosophy for healing harmed children centered on earning trust and building deep emotional connections to anchor and empower them.

Dr. David Cross is the Rees-Jones Director of the Karyn Purvis Institute of Child Development and a Professor in the TCU Department of Psychology. Dr. Cross leads the Institute in its triple mission of research, education and outreach to improve the lives of children who have experienced abuse, neglect, and/or trauma. He has authored many peer-reviewed publications about issues regarding at-risk children and co-created Trust-Based Relational Intervention, a holistic, attachment based, trauma-informed, and evidence-based intervention for children who have experienced relational trauma.

Wendy Lyons Sunshine is an award-winning journalist.

About the Author

McGraw-Hill authors represent the leading experts in their fields and are dedicated to improving the lives, careers, and interests of readers worldwide

Karyn B. Purvis, Ph.D., is the director at Texas Christian University's Institute of Child Development, which hosts the Adoption Project and its Hope Connection camp.

David R. Cross, Ph.D., is the associate director of the Texas Christian University's Institute of Child Development and a professor in TCU's psychology department.

Wendy Lyons Sunshine is an award-winning journalist.

File Size: 3424 KB
Print Length: 290 pages
Simultaneous Device Usage: Up to 4 simultaneous devices, per publisher limits
Publisher: McGraw-Hill Education; 1 edition (March 16, 2007)
Publication Date: March 16, 2007
Sold by: Amazon.com Services LLC
Language: English
ASIN: B000WCWWC0
Text-to-Speech: Enabled
X-Ray:

Enabled
Word Wise: Enabled
Lending: Not Enabled
Screen Reader: Supported
Enhanced Typesetting: Enabled
Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #44,563 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
- #15 in Adoption (Kindle Store)
- #13 in Business Leadership Training
- #19 in Special Needs Parenting (Kindle Store)

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4 star		10%
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2 star		1%
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BriGuyNC

Great Parenting Techniques, Terrible Generalizations

Reviewed in the United States on January 16, 2019

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Dr. Purvis spent much of her life studying and working with adopted children from many walks of life. In her book "The Connected Child" she makes gross generalizations for ALL adopted children stating that they are ALL "at risk" and therefore all will act out. As I have read this book, I can see the behaviors she describes in many children, biological or adopted. In fact, as I reflect on my childhood, I see many of the behaviors in myself.
The parenting techniques that Dr. Purvis offers are great and often work very well. The techniques don't include screaming and yelling, solitary punishment, or physical punishment. The techniques are focused on redirection and correction of the behaviors. It gives you techniques on how to train a child to control their behaviors and express how they are feeling. It gives insights on how to help your child make decisions by giving them choices. It gives you tools to use to help kids to stop and think about what they have just done wrong, and how to do it right.
If you can read past the generalizations of "at risk" adopted children, the parenting techniques and tools provided in this book are great and I think any parent, of biological children or adopted, can benefit from the lessons.

30 people found this helpful

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A. Allyson

THE Foster/Adopt Parenting Textbook (Buy it Now)

Reviewed in the United States on April 19, 2018

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This is the textbook for foster (and fost-to-adopt) parents. If you do not have it yet, stop reading reviews now and buy it on your tablet or Kindle or audible so you can read it immediately. If you have friends or family new to fostering, buy them this book now.

This book should be given to every foster parent upon completion of training or during training. It's a shame they mention the book, the author, and the research during training but not simply hand out the book as your reference Bible for the tough times sure to come.

I wish we had this book when we had our first placement. He had been through hell and his behaviors were beyond our comprehension. Within the first few pages of the book is a table that connects behaviors to feelings that should be passed out to every foster parent before a child moves in.

28 people found this helpful

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Gisele Lempola

Good for any parent to read!

Reviewed in the United States on January 24, 2018

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This was a very helpful book! We are in the process of adoption, and it was recommended to us to read this book. We have listened to Dr. Purvis in the past and learned so much for her approach. This book will be kept within handy reach. She has so many wonderful ideas for how to interact with a child coming from a traumatic background. It is helpful for any child, not just a foster or adopted child!

16 people found this helpful

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L. Friedman

An Invaluable Read

Reviewed in the United States on May 12, 2018

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Was this book really only $6.74?! I have a decent foundation in child development and managing "normal" behavior, but I read this book in preparation for becoming a foster parent to kids who have experienced trauma. This is an absolutely fabulous book on basic parenting, with very specific instructions for how to work with troubled children. I love it and I know I am going to be structuring our home life around what I've learned from this book.

15 people found this helpful

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GermanStraightRazors

Required reading but really slight value

Reviewed in the United States on June 23, 2019

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Well, our second international adoption and the adoption agency requires this reading. I went in with an open mind but like most things I am ready to critique if the value is not there. Like most books written by those with PhD's, a lot of long winded repetitive talking on same subject matter just to hear themselves talk and seem intelligent. The author even cites several times from readers how "she" was so instrumental in assisting them through this book. I am not going to say one way or the other if it did indeed help but when you call out the parade on yourself I find the lack of humility to be quite distasteful. Just make a note in the beginning or end of the book that from feedback this book was said to be helpful to some readers and be done. But to cite your name even if truly was said by a reader seems quite pretentious. Like I said, a lot of repetitive subject matter on children from orphanages and how to deal with them. I really am not trying to take anything away from the books author but it could have quite possibly been written in 100 pages tops rather than going on and on. Some here I know will disagree with me but we are all entitled to our own summation of the quality of the product. Two stars...….reason being, I found a few interesting points, but most like stated just beat that dead horse a little more.

6 people found this helpful

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Debbie F.

It gives ideas on how to approach a difficult child with love and understanding

Reviewed in the United States on June 16, 2018

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This book is about attachment parenting or caregiving to children who have come through difficult situations. It gives ideas on how to approach a difficult child with love and understanding. I will keep this book as a companion to my baby book on attachment parenting called Christian Parenting and Childcare by Dr. William Sears. This particular book does NOT use scripture but it is scriptural in its teaching. Good for foster children, adoptive children from other cultures and children who have been in violent or emotionally abusive homes.

11 people found this helpful

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Tiara

Reviewed in the United States on January 29, 2015

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This book was recommended to me by my adoption caseworker and by other adoptive moms in a public forum. I strongly recommend it! We are about to adopt siblings and, even though they don't have any current behavior concerns like hoarding or RAD, this book has still been helpful in parenting any children who have experienced trauma. The book has lots of examples and lots of specific ways to help connect and support your children. I'm about halfway through the book now (I read half and then re-read half with a pencil, making notes and underling parts I wanted to remember) and the chapters on "Felt Safety" and "Teaching Life Values" have been the most helpful so far - well, that our struggles are not ours alone - others have had them and many have surpassed them. Karyn Purvis is an expert in the field - and after reading this book, I understand why her name is so well known. Her work is realistic, down to earth, and filled with hope. If you are adopting or work with foster or adopted children, this is a great read.

The book's main points are:
- The key is to treat the whole child - and we'll help you do that!
- Start where your child is
- Compassion is key
- Focus on nurturing and structure / connecting and correcting
- "At-risk youngsters are capable of making tremendous strides toward overcoming early hardships and limitations."

22 people found this helpful

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Top international reviews

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Tarkus

One to get

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on May 16, 2016

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This book is an unexpected gem, and likely to become my top recommendation for adoptive parents who are struggling with some aspect of their child's behaviour or emotional life. Like Daniel Hughes ('Attachment Focussed Parenting') and Amber Elliott ('Why Can't My Child Behave?'), the authors take disrupted attachment patterns as the key to understanding these children. People familiar with the 'Theraplay' approach will also find much they recognise here. Each of these approaches has its own strengths, but this book is especially good at explaining how adversity in infancy translates into chronic problems with anxiety, aggression and intimacy. And it is excellent in describing practical ways that will help children recover.

Although the kind of 'reframing' verbal explanations with the child are important, and are highlighted in Hughes and Elliott's books, what I particularly appreciate is that here there is added emphasison non-verbal reparative experiences. For example, it stresses sensitivity to sensory triggers like touch and taste, and how these senses can be used in a therapeutic way.

The authors recognise that, by the time they reach for a book like this, parents will have already exhausted many more 'obvious' behaviour modification approaches. They rightly reject 'time outs' and 'star charts' and see medication (typically for 'ADHD') as likely to be helpful only when combined with sensory, emotional, and behavioural changes.

There are weaknesses. The one most likely to cause trouble is probably the insistence on direct eye contact, which many children with attachment difficulties will find overwhelming. Similarly, the use of explicit, 'full on' praise and acceptance of fault by the child is likely to provoke avoidant or acting-out behaviour in some children unless it is sensitively applied. I would like to see more emphasis in these cases on the use of emotional reflections, helping the child to understand what is happening for them and how it might be better managed. Finally, I would like to see more emphasis on the importance of therapeutic life story work - unresolved and confused understandings of their own history is commonly a cause of many emotional difficulties in children who have been adopted or are in long term foster care.

However, overall, I think this is a good resource, filled with practical ideas and flexible and inclusive enough for the vast majority of adoptive parents.

It is reassuring to see that, despite the easy-to-read, conversational tone, the references cited are extensive, authoritative and current.

5 people found this helpful

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Useful resource for adopting parents

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on May 12, 2012

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This is an excellent resource on how to handle behavioural issues with adopted children. Only annoying bit is the parenting language of the book, which is too American and sounds like army camp training. But once you get over the "Yes Sir" "No sir" style of conversation between parents and children, it is in fact an excellent book that addresses many common problems that may arise with adopted children; it offers ways to handle these problems which are clever, empirically tested and varied. It certainly allows for an in depth understanding of the needs behind manifested challenging behaviour, thus allowing constructive coping methods for parents. Haven't been matched with a child ourselves yet, so this is all in theory. However, methods seem sensible, parents to biological children confirmed that many of these work and this was also corroborated in the preparation to adopt course. Worth a read.

2 people found this helpful

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Jackie Brown

A must read for adoptive parents.

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on June 19, 2015

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If you only read one book as an adoptive parent read this one. A straightforward book full of great practical advice on how to parent adopted children. I wish I had found it five years ago at the start of our journey. Would have saved us lot of pain. To be read and re- read time and time again.

One person found this helpful

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MISS R C WARREN

Fantastic book

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on February 22, 2019

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I'll refer back to this time and time again. The book offers so much insight and practical advice which has equipped me better than I could have hoped.

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emu2

Best book out on behaviour problems when adopting a child.

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on July 22, 2015

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This book really connected with our new grandchild ,helping us to understand her problems and how to move forward. Highly recommend this book.

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Clare Murray

Five Stars

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on December 14, 2016

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Really interesting reading.

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Dolly w

Interesting reading

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on January 3, 2013

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Easy to read and very informative. As a parent I found this really useful, a lot of which I knew and was common sense but great as a reminder.

One person found this helpful

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Adam D. Dunn

A lot of info tightly packed in, a good addition to my existing training with real-world examples.

Reviewed in Canada on January 9, 2017

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A lot of information crammed in here that may require re-reading as time goes on. An excellent addition to the training we have already received.
A few of the notes I took:
- put aside your preconceived expectations about your child's behaviour relative to his or her age.
- past traumas encoded within their brains are easily reactivated
- matching or mirroring your child's actions can be an effective tool for establishing relationships with your child, in part because it offers companionship and a feeling of safety
- the importance of a "re-do" and re-enacting an event in a positive way
- your goal is never to be punitive, always to be corrective
- "Do you want to ask me for a compromise?"
- If a child growls, rather than confronting them ask "Are you a lion?"
- enact a puppet show before an event to demonstrate both positive and negative types of behaviour

There were a lot of great examples in this book with real world situations which I appreciated. There were a few too many references to foreign orphanage adoptions. Near the end it also got a little too into the medical components of child behaviours. But overall a valuable resource I will come back to again.

5 people found this helpful

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Laura

Excellent

Reviewed in Canada on January 7, 2019

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As a foster care mother I find this book to be a must to help me understand and deal with my child's difficult behavior. I highly recommend it if you're having trouble helping an adopted child with emotional needs.

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Lanaya G.

This is a MUST read for all foster and adoptive ...

Reviewed in Canada on July 5, 2017

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This is a MUST read for all foster and adoptive parents or those considering adoption. Packed full of practical information and tips in an easy-to-read book, It is a remarkable adoptive parenting resource.

One person found this helpful

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shelly carson

This author is an expert. lots of the info ...

Reviewed in Canada on April 23, 2018

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This author is an expert. lots of the info is referring to a toddler or foreign adoption but I still received some tips and tricks adopting my teen!

One person found this helpful

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Tami Broker

The author does a great job of helping us to understand the inner world ...

Reviewed in Canada on November 19, 2017

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The author does a great job of helping us to understand the inner world of the traumatized child, and, like the title says, how to bring them hope and healing. Wonderfully practical strategies for a bewildering challenge.

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molto utile

Reviewed in Italy on June 24, 2019

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È un libro utilissimo fonte di tanti consigli su come affrontare le reazioni che quasi tutti i bambini adottati hanno all'ingresso nella nuova famiglia. Peccato non ci sia la traduzione in italiano.

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Mariana Beristain

Amazing book, a must have

Reviewed in Germany on July 16, 2019

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Amazing book. Well explained, and easy to follow. But the methodology and emotion behind this book is definitely the best part.
A must have for adoptive or foster parents.

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Niall Brown

The best resource I know of for caring for children with ...

Reviewed in Canada on December 12, 2015

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The best resource I know of for caring for children with complex histories. Offers concrete examples and advice on common emotional connectivity challenges. Uses a very respectful and well researched approach.

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