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![Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed by [Wendy T. Behary, Jeffrey Young, Daniel J. Siegel MD]](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/41y-8pvp6rS._SY346_.jpg)
Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed Kindle Edition
Wendy T. Behary (Author) Find all the books, read about the author, and more. See search results for this author |
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The go-to guide for dealing with the narcissist in your life—now fully revised and updated based on reader feedback!
Do you know someone who is overly arrogant, shows an extreme lack of empathy, or exhibits an inflated sense of entitlement? Do they exploit others, or engage in deluded thinking? These are all traits of narcissistic personality disorder, and when it comes to dealing with narcissists, it can be difficult to get your point across. So, how do you handle the narcissistic people in your life? You might interact with them in social or professional settings, and you might even love one—so ignoring them isn’t really a practical solution. They're frustrating, and maybe even intimidating, but ultimately, you need to find a way of communicating effectively with them.
Now a self-help classic, Disarming the Narcissist is a practical, step-by-step communication guide to help you cope with and confront the narcissist in your life. Based on reader feedback, this fully revised and updated third edition features new information on shame, hypersexuality, and infidelity in narcissism; legal information to help you if you are divorcing a narcissist; and the impact of narcissism on children.
With this how-to guide, you’ll learn how to separate yourself from a narcissist's traps, and gain the respect and validation you deserve—while side-stepping unproductive power struggles and senseless arguments with someone who is at the center of his or her own universe. Finally, you’ll learn how to set limits with your narcissist and when it's time to draw the line on unacceptable behavior.
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherNew Harbinger Publications
- Publication dateOctober 1, 2021
- File size2260 KB
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Editorial Reviews
From Publishers Weekly
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
From the Publisher
About the Author
Preface writer Daniel J. Siegel, MD, is the author of The Mindful Brain, and an associate clinical professor at the UCLA School of Medicine Center for Human Development.
Foreword writer Jeffrey Young, PhD, is the author of Schema Therapy, a Practitioner’s Guide, and founder/director of the Schema Therapy Institute Schema Therapy Institute of NYC. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
Review
"Anyone whose life predicament includes dealing with a narcissist will bewell-advised to read Wendy Behary’s book and heed her advice. Disarming theNarcissist offers sound suggestions and keen insights—a breakthrough in oneof psychology's toughest cases."
—Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence
"...a valuable contribution to the growing self-help literature on the fascinating subject of narcissism. Behary takes the reader step-by-step through a process of understanding our personal triggers to the wounding inherent in narcissistic relations and then lays out a pathway for personal empowerment and change."
—Sandy Hotchkiss, LCSW, author of Why Is It Always About You?
"This is a timely and important book. Wendy Behary offers a uniquely well-articulated exploration of the complexities of living with a narcissist, conveyed in a clear and elegant writing style. Disarming the Narcissist provides a treasure of insightful observations and strategies to help those working or living with a narcissist. Behary’s wisdom and warm humanity, together with her wide understanding and successful integration of interpersonal neurobiology and schema therapy, provides a fresh perspective that will help the reader make sense of relationships that often seem so confusing and give them tools to do something about it. I recommend this book heartily. "
—Marion F. Solomon, Ph.D., author of Narcissism and Intimacy and Lean on Me
"For the practicing clinician there is perhaps no other group of clients more difficult to work with or that generates more fear and feelings of inadequacy than narcissists. In Disarming the Narcissist , Behary has provided both the theoretical knowledge and practical advice necessary for clinicians to understand, empathize and, thus, help this challenging group of clients and their partners. Her “disarmingly” straightforward, accessible style and impressive clinical experience make this a very valuable book indeed."
—William M. Zangwill, Ph.D., director of EMDR Associates
"Behary is an exceptionally perceptive, compassionate, and creative clinician and an outstanding teacher. I have always found her immersed at the cutting edge of clinical science and practice. It has been both a privilege and an inspiration to watch her vision and clinical contributions evolve. These remarkable qualities are clearly evident in her new book, which I have no doubt will make a major contribution. It will bring anyone who deals with narcissism fully up to date with the latest our field has to offer, articulated in clear, poignant, and practical terms. "
—George Lockwood, Ph.D., director of the Schema Therapy Institute Midwest in Kalamazoo, MI
Product details
- ASIN : B08WHRHCZH
- Publisher : New Harbinger Publications; 3rd edition (October 1, 2021)
- Publication date : October 1, 2021
- Language : English
- File size : 2260 KB
- Text-to-Speech : Enabled
- Screen Reader : Supported
- Enhanced typesetting : Enabled
- X-Ray : Enabled
- Word Wise : Enabled
- Print length : 275 pages
- Lending : Not Enabled
- Best Sellers Rank: #56,107 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- #41 in Psychology of Personalities
- #76 in Interpersonal Relations (Kindle Store)
- #80 in Mate Seeking (Kindle Store)
- Customer Reviews:
About the author

With 25 + years of experience and advanced certifications, Wendy Behary is the founder and director of The Cognitive Therapy Center of New Jersey and Schema Therapy Institute of NJ-NYC-DC. She has been treating clients, training professionals and supervising psychotherapists for 25 years. Wendy served on the faculty of the Cognitive Therapy Center and Schema Therapy Institute of New York, where she has trained and worked with Dr. Jeffrey Young since 1989. She is a founding fellow/supervisor of The Academy of Cognitive Therapy (Dr. Aaron T. Beck, President).
Wendy also served as the President of the Executive Board of the International Society of Schema Therapy (ISST, 2010-2014).
She is the lead author for several chapters and articles on schema therapy and cognitive therapy. She is also the author of (New Harbinger Publications – 1st & 2nd edition): "Disarming the Narcissist...Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed". Wendy has a specialty in treating narcissists and the people who live with and deal with them. As an author and an expert on the subject of narcissism, she is a contributing chapter author of several chapters on schema therapy for narcissism (Wiley Publications and APA Press, 20111,2012, 2013).
She lectures both nationally and internationally to professional and general audiences on schema therapy, and the subject of narcissism, relationships, and dealing with difficult people. Her work with industry has included speaking engagements focused on interpersonal conflict resolution.
Her private practice is primarily devoted to treating narcissists, partners/people dealing with them, and couples experiencing relationship problems. She is also an expert in coaching individuals in interviewing, public speaking, and interpersonal skills enhancement.
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After putting that book down for good, I was offered much better advise from other sources who have been there. And the best recommendation that a person who suffered narcissistic abuse can get is to get away from the narcissist in his or her life as soon as possible. Going No Contact is the best advise that a victim could ever be given. If you cannot get away from the narcissist in your life, for example because you share custody of your children, then keep your contact to a minimum. But applying what this book suggest, heck, no!
There are other much better books that can help a victim than this one, like the ones listed below, not necessarily in that order, but worth a try each and everyone of them. Summarizing, I do not recommend Disarming the Narcissist. Either way, if you're a victim of abuse by someone with NPD, or you suspect the person might be a narcissist, first get support from certified professionals with actual experience with NPD, which is not something easy to detect in a person since a narcissist projects a charming image of themselves that can fool even the most trained individual. Get also support from the Domestic Abuse Hot Line, if needed. Don't do this alone. Recovery can take years, if not a lifetime. In the meantime, if you need to start your healing process on your own, if you need to learn more about NPD to find out if you may actually be dealing with NPD, try to get hold of any of these other books listed below.
Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself
Psychopath Free (Expanded Edition): Recovering from Emotionally Abusive Relationships With Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other Toxic People
In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People
We gave all the compassion and empathy we could, but when we stepped out of line, and by that I mean we didn't fawn over a new toy he bought himself instead of buying a crib for our granddaughter, he disowned us for the fifth time.
So this book is nothing new to people dealing with narcissists, but the answers are wrong. The only way to deal with a narcissist is to cut them out of your life, get counseling to help you heal from the trauma they put you through and get on with your life.
Top reviews from other countries

What Wendy fails to understand here is the extreme levels of deviousness intricately in-bedded in extreme narcissism. The only thing you are doing using these tools, is poring more good energy after bad, wasting many more years out of your life, and above all giving the narcissist an insight into what he/she has to do to (what they will see as), playing a different game of getting you to do exactly what they want you to do = forgive them for everything and anything.
They will sit there and pretend to listen, with their ears firmly closed and their eyes firmly shut. All the while martyring to themselves on been brave enough to suffer this hell, whilst trying to hurry you through to the part where you, once again, forgive him/her for their appalling behaviour. That is the ONLY thing they are interested in. Being left in peace to be their awful selves, and get away with it. Preferably without everyone disappearing on them.
I was also interested to note that there were no long term case studies providing evidence that these theorized methods of confrontation and communication have had any success rate. Why? Because they don't exist. If they work, they work for 5 minutes - that's it. An extreme narcissist has a very similar personality description as a socio-path. Personality disorders of this kind are very rarely treatable, if at all. And past a certain age, forget it.
It took me a really long time of trying again and again to have a relationship with my father, and to get my basic needs of love, care and respect met by him. And then one day, when trying for what seemed the millionth time to make him understand how his latest bout of verbal abuse and insult had upset me and also why, (since you have to explain it to them like they are two), and I observed very closely as he digested which 'learned characteristic mask' he would need to adorn to get himself out of his latest mess. And then watched. Watched with the crystal clear vision as he attempted to manipulate, dominate, control and lie his way out of it, just like he had always done. That was the moment when I saw how much time I had wasted on this pitiful excuse for a man.
I have been through intensive therapy twice in my life, and in both cases the prognosis for my issues were the same. My father was my main problem. I had done everything possible to address my issues, whilst he did nothing to address his own.
Neither therapist held fast with cutting close friends and family out of my life, but in his case, it was a clear message from both;
'Until the narcissist changes, and I mean really changes, not just pretends to change, then you are better off staying well clear'.
Good advice. And since accepting it this last time around, I have been much happier and felt more at peace than ever before.

unfortunately not many of the most pathologic narcisists go to therapy and this book is show a way too soft approach to help the victims to deal with the major problematic narcisists and, as such, it does not offer real guidance to the victims on how to recognise and avoid them.
It is probably helpful to people who deal with mild narcisism.


