Douglas Hackle

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About Douglas Hackle

Born with one extra finger and two extra toes (yeah, no joke), Douglas Hackle received a B.A. in English Literature many moons ago, abandoned academia to pursue a career in copywriting and editing, and lost some marbles along the way. He lives in Northeast Ohio with his wife, son, and dogs. He is the author of three short novels (Zoltergeist the Poltergeist, TERROR MANNEQUIN and The Hottest Gay Man Ever Killed in a Shark Attack) and two short story collections (Clown Tear Junkies and Is Winona Ryder Still with the Dude from Soul Asylum? and Other LURID Tales of TERROR and DOOM!!!). A selection of his short fiction is also collected in the Bizarro Starter Kit - Red Edition from Eraserhead Press.

TERROR MAN. TERROR FACE. TERROR CLOWN. TERROR CHILD. TERROR MAN. TERROR HOUSE. TERROR SHARK. TERROR MOUSE. TERROR ANVIL. TERROR TATER TOTS. Tra la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Clown Tear Junkies

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Tall Tales With Short Cocks Vol. 5

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Titles By Douglas Hackle

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Zoltergeist the Poltergeist Apr 30, 2021

by Douglas Hackle

( 13 )

$4.95

Jimmy Green is a middle-aged limousine driver and a devoted fan of the insane TV sitcom Zoltergeist the Poltergeist. Once when he was a boy, Jimmy had an impure thought about the lead singer of The Bangles.

After confessing his sin to a drunken priest thirty-five years later, Jimmy is sentenced to six months’ penance in an old, isolated house—dubbed Penance House—in the middle of nowhere in rural Ohio. There, sequestered from civilization, Jimmy must repent for his sinful nature or else endure the Everlasting Fires of Hell.

As if Penance House weren’t creepy, whack, and janked-up enough, Jimmy is forbidden to enter the room at the end of the upstairs hallway. Does something sinister lurk beyond its closed door? And what about that leprechaun he keeps seeing skulking around in the woods?

Lucky for Jimmy, he has all forty-nine seasons of Zoltergeist the Poltergeist saved to his laptop to distract himself from his unsettling surroundings. Toward that end, probably the only thing better than rewatching old Zoltergeist episodes would be a visit from the show’s enigmatic, titular star itself…

"The head honcho of the absurd, the governor of wackiness, the top dog of insanity is back! Intelligent and imbecilic, Douglas Hackle is one of the most unique voices in bizarro fiction. Watch out, ’cause Hackle’s brain tissue is coming to town in a sleigh carved out of mad puppets and pulled by alcoholic poltergeists. Dare to see what Douglasgeist Hacklegeist leaves in your socks!” —Zoltán Komor, author of Flamingos in the Ashtray

"Zoltergeist the Poltergeist had me laughing, tittering, chortling, and popping out guffaws like nobody’s business. It even had me dancing for some reason—like I was listening to the hottest new bizarro track out this summer. Your kids are going to love it and so are you.”—Luke Kondor, author of The Run Fantastic

Other Formats: Paperback

The Horror Collection: Pink Edition Mar 25, 2020

by Kevin J. Kennedy, Tim Curran, Douglas Hackle, Kyle M. Scott, Mike Duke, Zoey Xolton, Natasha Sinclair

( 62 )

$2.99

Book 6 in the Horror Collection contains stories by Tim Curran, Douglas Hackle, Kyle M. Scott, Mike Duke, Zoey Xolton, Natasha Sinclair & Kevin J. Kennedy.

We will take you on a trip through hell, to vampire torn lands, find out the perils of collecting too many books and on many more terrifying adventures.

Other Formats: Paperback

This title and over 1 million more available with Kindle Unlimited.

Aliens, Sex & Sociopaths: The Best of Surreal Grotesque Nov 25, 2013

by Brittany Warren, Douglas Hackle, Daniel Gonzales, Joseph Patchen, Nate Tower, Bryan Howie, Danielle Brown, Antoniette Ryder, Jeremy Maddux

( 12 )

$2.99

Some of the hottest new voices in horror fiction with a flair for the bizarre, surreal and of course, grotesque. Come dive into the perverse poetic stylings of Brittany Warren, the surreal world of Antoinette Ryder, the strange sights and smells of Danielle Brown's tales of disgust, the incredibly strange lovechild of Salvador Dali and H.P. Lovecraft with tales by Douglas Hackle, tales of human obsession in "Who You Are" by Bryan Howie, the social satire of "Ugly Husband" by Nate Tower and where old Gods go to die in "The Hospital for Dying Gods". An incredibly diverse, socially relevant and seductively sadistic world of Surreal Grotesque which proves that a hardcore psychopath is good to find.

TERROR MANNEQUIN Oct 20, 2019

by Douglas Hackle

( 14 )

$4.95

Forty-year-old Glont Lamont is a longtime employee of Fun 4-Life Corporation, where he gets paid good money to play videos games, watch TV, get drunk, get high, devour pizza, ride the company roller coaster, take long-ass naps, and toss off like a madman in an insane asylum. There’s only one problem: Glont’s sick of his job! Nowadays, all he really wants to do is work long, grueling shifts 7-days-a-week doing any sort of awful, backbreaking, tedious, demoralizing, soul-crushing, severely undercompensated labor.

But with Halloween just a few days away, Glont has more important things to worry about than his workplace woes. Namely, he must take his two “freak” nephews out reverse trick-or-treating, which is a form of annual ritualistic tribute whereby the cruel townspeople force his nephews to walk door-to-door on Halloween night to hand out candy to people instead of receiving candy themselves.

And this year, the last stop on the trio’s reverse trick-or-treating itinerary is Fallingwater—built on a natural waterfall, Frank Lloyd Wright’s world-famous architectural masterpiece is now closed to the public and allegedly haunted by an evil supernatural entity known as TERROR MANNEQUIN…

“Hackle may be the best absurdist story writer working today.” –Bradley Sands, author of Dodgeball High

“…the best bizarro absurdist in the business.” –Amy M. Vaughn, author of Skull Nuggets

Other Formats: Paperback

This title and over 1 million more available with Kindle Unlimited.

The Hottest Gay Man Ever Killed in a Shark Attack Aug 20, 2016

by Douglas Hackle

( 20 )

$4.95

Ever since he was a young orphan, Hansel Higginzshire’s dream has been to break the long-held Guinness World Record for hottest gay man ever killed in a shark attack.

Big Problem #1: Hansel is not hot. At least not in the classical sense. In fact, the deformed man has a head the size of a wrecking ball.

Big Problem #2: Hansel digs chicks, not dudes.

Still, that shouldn’t stop a big-headed mofo from dreaming big, no??

But if those obstacles weren’t enough to impede Hansel’s path to Guinness World Record greatness, he finds himself wanted for murder. Now on the lam, his situation pretty hopeless, Hansel agrees to die a horrible death in a snuff film for just few measly bucks.

But perhaps the misfit companions Hansel meets on his westward cross-country trek to Hollywood—Rosebud (the drunken, down-on-its-luck, former actor, and sentient sled from Citizen Kane); a living, talking amputated arm that once belonged to a famous rock drummer; and a geeky keytar player born with a small polar bear head instead of a human head—can convince Hansel to follow his dreams again and attempt to become . . .

THE HOTTEST GAY MAN EVER KILLED IN A SHARK ATTACK!!!

(By the way, yo mama is a character in this book. Yeah. For real. Sorry.)

“Hackle may be the best absurdist story writer working today.” —Bradley Sands, author of Dodgeball High

“Douglas Hackle is a 100% certified Angus all-beef patty genius.” —Danger Slater, author of Puppet Skin

Other Formats: Paperback

This title and over 1 million more available with Kindle Unlimited.

Is Winona Ryder Still with the Dude from Soul Asylum? and Other LURID Tales of TERROR and DOOM!!! Jun 23, 2017

by Douglas Hackle

( 17 )

$3.99

To entertain its new neighbors, a kind puppet puts Chicken McNuggets into tiny coffins and buries them in its yard. A famous pest control man is diagnosed with the “In the Air Tonight” disease, an incurable sickness that slowly turns its sufferers into the rapist referenced in Phil Collins’ hit song “In the Air Tonight.” Having just escaped TERROR TOWN, a man is opened up like a can of sardines by a can of sardines. The supposedly debunked but very real ghost caught on camera in the movie Three Men and a Baby exacts revenge on humanity for not believing in him. Though Courtney Cute is indeed the cutest child in the world, her evil doll and batshit-insane grandfather are anything but. A Ouija board grows bored of being a Ouija board. Two passengers (one human, one evil scarecrow) aboard the sinking RMS Titanic refuse to abandon ship because they’re too busy watching the blockbuster film Titanic on the actual Titanic…

These and many more ABSURDITIES await in Is Winona Ryder Still with the Dude from Soul Asylum? and Other LURID Tales of TERROR and DOOM!!!, the second collection of bizarro-whacko-absurdo short fiction from Douglas Hackle.

“Hackle may be the best absurdist story writer working today.” –Bradley Sands, author of Dodgeball High

“Hackle combines an English major's love of literature and respect for the written word with a twelve year old's penchant for dark, dirty, demented imaginings and the crassest of crass, sick/twisted humor.” –Arthur Graham, author of Tanuki Tango Overdrive

Other Formats: Paperback

This title and over 1 million more available with Kindle Unlimited.

Revenge of the Scammed: An Edward J Rathke Benefit Apr 4, 2014

by Douglas Hackle, David S. Athkinson, Susan Gibb, Matt Potter, Samuel Snoek-Brown, Richard Thomas, Ben Tanzer, Ryan Bradley, Nathaniel Tower, Edward J. Rathke

( 2 )

$3.99

Revenge of the Scammed is a benefit anthology to support Edward J. Rathke. The anthology features 17 tales of revenge from the following authors: David S. Atkinson, Susan Gibb, Douglas Hackle, Christopher T Garry, Alex Pruteanu, Ben Tanzer, Rory Fleming, Matt Rowan, Richard Thomas, William Lemon, Stephen Conley, Paul Beckman, Ryan Shoemaker, Matt Potter, Sameul-Snoek Brown, Stephen V Ramey, and Peter Tieryas Liu. Cover art by Ryan Bradley.

While many individuals are harmed in these stories, no one was harmed in the making of this anthology. However, we can't guarantee that you won't be harmed from reading it.

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