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Everybody Fights: So Why Not Get Better at It? Hardcover – March 30, 2021
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From the Publisher
After Reading Everybody Fights, You'll Know How To:
Make Fights Productive
Productive conflict hones, shapes, and refines your relationship. Discover how to be intentional about talking about your fights, to improve them moving forward.
Amend Your Secret Contracts
Secret contracts are the silent deals you make with your partner by default and through routine. Figure them out + see what needs re-distributing and evaluating.
Harness the Power of Metacommunication
Learn how to examine how you talk to each other, so you can come up with techniques that improve your communication.
Use Magic Words to Change a Fight's Course
Come up with choice phrases and key words that, while they don’t solve everything instantaneously, help end your misery because they illuminate a way forward.
About the Author
Kim Holderness was born and raised in Sarasota, Florida, and was a competitive dancer (once crowned Miss Dance Florida). She went to the University of Florida, then began her career in TV journalism. Penn and Kim met in Orlando while working in local news and were married in 2005. In 2013 they left the TV business and launched a digital content company called Greenroom Communications. Part of that launch was a video called “Xmas Jammies” that went viral, and led to appearances on GMA, the Today Show, Fox News Channel, and CNN. (Apparently Xmas Jammies are bipartisan.) The Holderness Family currently lives in Raleigh with their dog, Sunny.
Penn Holderness was born in Durham, North Carolina, to a Presbyterian minister and a public school teacher. He was super into Boy Scouts, show choir, and synthesizers as a kid, so he wasn’t exactly a ladies’ man. He went to the University of Virginia, then started a two-decade career in TV journalism. Penn and Kim met in Orlando while working in local news and were married in 2005. In 2013 they left the TV business and launched a digital content company called Greenroom Communications. Part of that launch was a video called “Xmas Jammies” that went viral and led to appearances on GMA, the Today Show, Fox News Channel, and CNN. (Apparently Xmas Jammies are bipartisan.) The Holderness Family currently lives in Raleigh with their dog, Sunny.
- Publisher : Thomas Nelson (March 30, 2021)
- Language : English
- Hardcover : 256 pages
- ISBN-10 : 0785235728
- ISBN-13 : 978-0785235729
- Item Weight : 15.2 ounces
- Dimensions : 6.3 x 0.98 x 9.3 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #1,373 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- Customer Reviews:
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Top reviews from the United States
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They candidly outline their 10 most common marital conflicts, and they are mostly universal conflicts that many people will tend to have in many different sorts of relationships. They share all of the unflattering details, as well and then review advice that they've learned from their marriage coach about how to reframe their discussions to get to the bottom of the conflicts. I use Christopher's catchphrase "Mature people ask for what they want." about ten times a week when interacting with my teenaged children. If I can send them out in the world with only one piece of relationship advice, that would be it.
The greatest thing about this book is that both Kim and Penn's unique voices and humor come through on every page. You don't feel like you're being preached to- you just feel like you're getting great advice from a couple of close friends after drinking a few beers around a fire pit. They allow the humor to show through, even when discussing something really difficult. I laughed out loud so many times when reading this, but also had moments where I had to look up from the page and just digest some heavy truths. I am a female, but I really think that the tone of this book would be equally enjoyable for a man because of the humor. That said, don't think that this is all fluff and giggles! The techniques discussed in this book come with a dose of scientific backing, so this isn't just Kim and Penn's opinions or what worked for them- after reading it, you'll better understand the dynamics at play in your relationships, and how to adjust your behavior to have better outcomes when conflict rears its ugly head.
I definitely recommend this book. They are great writers, a great family, and it was a great book!
I also highly recommend their podcast.
Kim Holderness and Penn Holderness detail the "how-to" of growing and maintaining a strong and loving relationship while maintaining their own healthy independence. Their strategies, as taught in clear language by their own counselor, are accurately based on research into what works, and why. Awesome work, you guys!
This book has taken top tier in my recommendations to clients (see also: 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work (Gottman/Silver), and Hold Me Tight (Johnson).
Top reviews from other countries
Reviewed in Canada on April 3, 2021