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Ross W. Greene

Explosive Child, The: A New Approach For Understanding And Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children Paperback – May 1, 2014

by Ross W. Greene PhD (Author)

3,246 ratings

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A groundbreaking approach to understanding and parenting children who frequently exhibit severe fits of temper and other intractable behaviors, from a distinguished clinician and pioneer in this field.

What’s an explosive child? A child who responds to routine problems with extreme frustration—crying, screaming, swearing, kicking, hitting, biting, spitting, destroying property, and worse. A child whose frequent, severe outbursts leave his or her parents feeling frustrated, scared, worried, and desperate for help. Most of these parents have tried everything-reasoning, explaining, punishing, sticker charts, therapy, medication—but to no avail. They can’t figure out why their child acts the way he or she does; they wonder why the strategies that work for other kids don’t work for theirs; and they don’t know what to do instead.

Dr. Ross Greene, a distinguished clinician and pioneer in the treatment of kids with social, emotional, and behavioral challenges, has worked with thousands of explosive children, and he has good news: these kids aren’t attention-seeking, manipulative, or unmotivated, and their parents aren’t passive, permissive pushovers. Rather, explosive kids are lacking some crucial skills in the domains of flexibility/adaptability, frustration tolerance, and problem solving, and they require a different approach to parenting.

Throughout this compassionate, insightful, and practical book, Dr. Greene provides a new conceptual framework for understanding their difficulties, based on research in the neurosciences. He explains why traditional parenting and treatment often don’t work with these children, and he describes what to do instead. Instead of relying on rewarding and punishing, Dr. Greene’s Collaborative Problem Solving model promotes working with explosive children to solve the problems that precipitate explosive episodes, and teaching these kids the skills they lack.

Print length

304 pages
Language

English
Publisher

HarperPb
Publication date

May 1, 2014
Dimensions

0.68 x 5.31 x 8 inches
ISBN-10

0062270451
ISBN-13

978-0062270450
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Editorial Reviews

Review

“The Explosive Child is a must for the many parents, teachers, and professionals who attempt to guide, teach, and work with difficult, hard-to-manage, and easily frustrated children…. A must-read for our children’s sake and ours.” (Thomas H. Ollendick)

“A truly remarkable book…. Dr. Greene skillfully provides us with both a framework and practical interventions for minimizing struggles with these children and enhancing their development…. What comes across on every page of this wonderful book is a genuine caring and compassion for these youngsters and their a families.” (Robert Brooks, Ph.D. , author of The Self-Esteem Teacher)

“An insightful, sensitive portrayal of children who need help--and how to help them.” (Myrna B. Shure)

“A user-friendly, practical guide for parents trying to help difficult, explosive children. This book will be of enormous benefit to such children and their families.” (Michael Jellinek)

“All parents should read this book, especially those with children who are out of control. Ross Greene presents a loving, rational, and research-based approach to dealing with problems that most parents have either felt were their own fault or were unsolvable. I could not recommend this book more highly.” (Edward Hallowell, M.D., author of Driven to Distraction)

“A must for the many parents, teachers, and professionals who attempt to guide, teach, and work with difficult, hard-to-manage, and easily frustrated children…. A must-read for our children’s sake and ours.” (Thomas H. Ollendick)

From the Back Cover

Screaming, swearing, crying, hitting, kicking, spitting, biting...these are some of the challenging behaviors we see in kids who are having difficulty meeting our expectations. These behaviors often leave parents feeling frustrated, angry, overwhelmed, and desperate for answers. In this fully revised and updated book, Dr. Ross Greene helps you understand why and when your child does these things and how to respond in ways that are nonpunitive, nonadversarial, humane, and effective.

Dr. Greene describes how best to:

Understand the factors that contribute to challenging episodes.
Identify the specific situations in which challenging episodes are likely to occur.
Reduce or eliminate challenging episodes by solving the problems that cause them.
Solve problems collaboratively (rather than unilaterally) and proactively (rather than reactively).
Help your child develop the skills to be more flexible, solve problems, and handle frustration more adaptively.
Reduce hostility and antagonism between you and your child.

With Dr. Greene's practical, expert guidance, you and your child will forge a new relationship based on communication and mutual respect.

Publisher : HarperPb; 5th Revised ed. edition (May 1, 2014)
Language : English
Paperback : 304 pages
ISBN-10 : 0062270451
ISBN-13 : 978-0062270450
Item Weight : 8.1 ounces
Dimensions : 0.68 x 5.31 x 8 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #667 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #3 in Parenting Hyperactive Children & Children with Disabilities (Books)
- #5 in Family Conflict Resolution
- #6 in Conflict Management

Customer Reviews:
3,246 ratings

Customer reviews

5 star		79%
4 star		13%
3 star		6%
2 star		1%
1 star		1%

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Top reviews from the United States

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Kendi Monroy

Two years later....

Reviewed in the United States on March 8, 2018

Verified Purchase

I got this book two years ago for my 3 year old girl. She was frustrated, I was frustrated, and she had 2 younger siblings. We needed change. This book changed our lives. I took every word to heart. Wrote down the problems and came up with a strategy. Focused on one behavior at a time. It took months of hard work to see progress but one skill at a time has added up to a strong and amazing straight A Kindergartener who is thriving. I know her better than my other kids because of the journey we had to go threw together. The parent training I received from implementing the teachings in this book has made life so much easier for my other kids because whatever comes up, this mom has a plan. I realized today when referring this to a friend today just how far we have come. I had forgotten how hard things once more. And as I wathed her kid struggle like mine used to I couldn't help but think, that kid has amazing potential once his determination is pointed in the right direction. Yours can too. Read the book and study it like a college course. Your life and children's lives will change. Having a plan gives up hope. This is your plan.

269 people found this helpful

Helpful

M. Kaputnik

Don't let your kid see this book.

Reviewed in the United States on July 10, 2017

Verified Purchase

Lots of insightful advice, but my kid got REALLY MAD when she found it on my nightstand.

220 people found this helpful

Helpful

dorothy

for the better.

Reviewed in the United States on January 10, 2018

Verified Purchase

At first the premise of this book is a little hard to take in, but once you do, it is a god send. It took me 2 readings to finally understand, believe, and then commit to the idea. Once I started using "Plan B" with my teen age daughter everything began to change, for the better.

110 people found this helpful

Helpful

DocDenver

Helped our household; Helped me.

Reviewed in the United States on January 20, 2015

Verified Purchase

Our child isn't "explosive" but just way harder to get to do stuff than some - i.e. transition from bed to up, from TV to homework, from friend's house to car, etc. This book really helps in explaining those behaviors so they make sense and giving techniques to avoid the threats and yelling that I hate to say was getting pretty common in our house. Maybe better title: "The Explosive Parent; A New Approach for Understanding and Dealing With the Strange Person You Become sometimes when Dealing With Your Child."

1,102 people found this helpful

Helpful

PadillaFamily

Lifesaver!

Reviewed in the United States on October 1, 2018

Verified Purchase

This book is a lifesaver! Before reading and applying the things I learned in this book a simple thing would turn into a 3 hour battle of screaming and throwing things, and hitting walls with my 5 year old. I was completely lost before reading it. My 5 year old reacts completely different that my old child so I had never dealt with this type of behavior. My 5 year old is adopted and was neglected by his biological mother when he was younger so it’s a learning process for us both. This book helped me understand that he does want to be good he just doesn’t know how to react in situations and has to learn. We are all happier now that we read it!

79 people found this helpful

Helpful

Kimberly T.

A must read

Reviewed in the United States on March 3, 2018

Verified Purchase

I knew by the 24th page this book would be a game changer. A must read for any human being (parent, teacher, coach, therapist, etc) That has dealt or is dealing w a child who just seems more intense, stubborn, grumpy, strong willed than most. It’s not just for explosive off the charts behavior. Highly recommend this book.

89 people found this helpful

Helpful

Bec

How to bring Peace into the Explosive Child's Environment

Reviewed in the United States on January 29, 2017

Verified Purchase

We were having some issues with our soon to be teen daughter. Though she does not have Odd, Add or anything else, it has great insight on how to communicate between parents and child. It gives good examples for the dialogue to use, in order to diffuse those explosive outbursts. This booked saved our life between the ages of 12-13, although I wish I would have found it when she was about 9. She is 14 now and the communication between us is really good. On the rare occasion that an outburst happens, it is diffused immediately and we have peace in our family once again.

85 people found this helpful

Helpful

wynda

I learned this approach the hard way. We are ...

Reviewed in the United States on July 1, 2017

Verified Purchase

I learned this approach the hard way. We are raising our grandson and it seems the second year is more challenging than the first. He's 10. This book validates the changes I have made over the last few months. I am a family therapist and will incorporate this philosophy in my practice.

69 people found this helpful

Helpful

Top reviews from other countries

Jetage

A comforting help with a testing 7YO daughter

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on November 7, 2019

Verified Purchase

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a) not finished the book yet or b) radically transformed as a person, but the style and INCREDIBLY easy to relate to anecdotes have really given me a different perspective on parenting a child whom pushes against everyone and everything relating to authority or helping as a member of the family.

The premise is based on delayed development. In the way that some kids struggle to read, write, coordinate, or empathise, others struggle to handle frustration, be resilient to not getting their own way, and struggle with being part of a team. As a parent these basic skills when missing are insane to deal with. Rather than focus on punishment, reward charts or other pointless techniques for my type of child (and we have failed at them all) the focus here is on helping parent to teach the missing skills, whilst acknowledging some of their own baggage along the ways

So far I’m seeing subtle but noticeable change in my self and my daughter. Episodes are shorter with less intense reaction on both sides (particularly mine) and a more amenable child. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a “fix” but makes intolerable family life quite acceptable.

To this reading at their Whitts end and cynical, maybe my situation might give some context. We were falling apart as a family of four, and as a scientist and engineer father with a doctor wife who is NOT an earth mother the scientific approach here is well thought out and impactful.

Will report back when I have more direct results to talk about.

68 people found this helpful

Amazon Customer

Great for any Parent - There's no such thing as a difficult child

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on January 18, 2020

Verified Purchase

This is a great book for anyone who works with children but especially for parents, particularly those who have a child who does not meet the criteria for being 'normal' - whatever that is?

I have three daughters, one of whom is dyslexic and was diagnoised with learning and cognitive difficulties when she was 7-years old, although now the professionals seem to think she is showing all the signs of a child with ADD. Either way, no great advice has ever come from the so called professionals on how to handle my daughters difficult and explosive behaviour. In some cases what advice has been given has more often than not exacerbated the problem for her and the whole family.

This is the only piece of literature I have come across that has made any great sense to me both as a parent and as a human being. The writer has a great deal of compassion and respect for both children and parent by telling you there is no such thing as a difficult child or an attention seeking child. The techniques used within the book deals directly with the brain and its learning pathways and explains the scientific basis for the theories behind the methods. The solutions work on learning to understand the child and coaching them to grow the missing ‘cognitive’ pathways they lack rather than ‘managing’ the behaviour via reward or punishment – which never really works particularly on children like my daughter. It has helped us see that our expectations as parents are sometimes too high for her, and that re-focusing our priorities are helping her deal with life in a much healthier way. We think more in terms of compromise and understanding, exploring her decision making rather than sticking to a mind set of "it’s my way or the highway". In return we are starting to see a reduction in her ‘difficult’ behaviour such as the stubbornness and the screaming tantrums and their duration. Our daughter feels she has more control over her decisions even though sometimes those decisions are not always the correct ones. It has helped us to see that she's not a difficult child, nor are we failing as parents. She has a processing disorder, and instead of trying to bend her to our will and trying to get her to meet the expectations of others, we are teaching her the skills to reason through her frustrations and decision-making. It isn't easy, and it's very slow going and frustrating at times, but thanks to this book we no longer operate from a place of hopelessness. It is also helping us to better communicate with our teenage daughter who at times seems to have a bigger behavioural issue than my 10-year old!

30 people found this helpful

Kat

Get past the title to find sensible advice to collaboratively work with your child.

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on May 16, 2020

Verified Purchase

Caveat: I haven't implemented the strategies in the book yet. When I first started reading it, my plan was to do it as I went along, and I did do the first step (identifying lagging skills). However, as I was reading sections out to my partner - without the context they came in - I found I was spending a lot of time getting frustrated and defending the book as he struggled to understand the concepts without the background reading. As we need to have a whole family approach to this method, we agreed that implementation would go on hold until he has a chance to read it. I will update my review once we've started, and let you know if my rating has changed.

The book was recommended to me by a number of people, but I must say the title put me off a little. I advocate for neurodiversity, I'm autistic and ADHD myself and have been subjected to people calling me "dramatic" or "over-reactive" in the past, so a book called "The Explosive Child" made me feel like a child was being blamed for their responses to things. However, I trust the people who recommended it to me, and over a year after buying it I started to read. I now know why you should never judge a book by its cover (or its title).

Dr Greene makes it abundantly clear throughout the book that "kids do well if they can," that they are not deliberately "explosive" and that preconceived notions of children behaving in certain ways to being manipulative, attention-seeking, lazy, unmotivated, etc need to be left behind. He's also quick to clarify that parents aren't to blame either, and that most have tried incredibly hard to help their children and only want what's best for them, they just have been on a misguided path, or haven't had the tools to help.

So, if it's not wilful bad behaviour, and kids will "do well if they can," what's the problem?

Lagging skills, and unsolved problems.

These were a complete eye opener for me. Not only do my children score incredibly highly on the lagging skills list, I do too! We are all "explosive," we all could be termed "behaviourally challenging" (a term that Dr Greene does admit isn't perfect, but it's better than most of the other available 'labels') and I now know why. We simply (though it's not simple to change) don't have the skills a lot of other people have to cope with demands, problem solving, maintaining focus, handling transitions and change etc. I'm not going to list them all - you'll have to read the book for that - I will say that out of twenty-four lagging skills listed on pages 34 & 35, I have fifteen. I'm not sharing my children's scores as it's not my data to share, but I was shocked that I scored so highly. The good news is that by following the suggestions in the book, my lagging skills will be improved over time in conjunction with my children's. How cool is that?

Greene goes on to talk about the "truth about consequences," which tend to be the go-to parenting strategies (and the cornerstone of unsolicited advice, usually given alongside lines such as "making a rod for your own back," and "in my day, children got a good slap.") Needless to say, Greene asserts that traditional parenting methods using consequences and a "do as I say" attitude doesn't work. Let's face it, if it did, you wouldn't be reading the book. There's a lot more to it than the example I've given but, again, you'll need to read the book.

Following these truths, Greene describes the three plans which parents can (though possibly shouldn't in one case) use to address unsolved problems with their children:

Plan A - "Solving a problem unilaterally through the imposition of adult will." Spoiler alert: this is what you're probably doing already, and it's unlikely to work with children (and adults) who have a number of "lagging skills" - if it did, you wouldn't have any unsolved problems.

Plan B - "Solving a problem collaboratively." Sorry, another spoiler: this is the whole point of the book, and the plan that you're encouraged to follow. The rest of the book talks you though how to do this with your child - including a section on how to collaboratively problem solve with children who have little or no spoken communication.

Plan C - "Setting aside an unsolved problem, at least for now." This isn't "giving up." It's not "letting the child 'win.'" It's deciding that some unsolved problems are not high priorities, and they are ones you'll come back to later. This doesn't mean that you use Plan A for them in the interim - you literally set them aside. I know I'm going to struggle with this part, but reading the rationale behind it, I know it's important I do.

The rest of the book talks you through Plan B: the hows, whens, whats, and whos. There's a chapter dedicated to talking you though how Plan B would work in a school setting, and I think it's an important book for educators to read.

The main points I've taken away are:

- That quote I've already used: "Kids do well if they can."
- Behaviours which challenge aren't designed to manipulate, and they're not because a child 'can't be bothered' to do what's being asked of them.
- Plan A - the style that's adopted by the majority of adults - doesn't help a child solve problems more effectively.
- Plan A teaches a child that they must submit and do what they're told at all cost.
- Plan B ensures that everyone's needs are met.
- Unsolved problems and lagging skills are the issue, not the child or their behaviours.
- Adults need to learn how to actively listen to children.
- That just because we've struggled with all of this, it doesn't mean I'm a bad parent, or that they're bad kids.

I highly recommend this book to all parents, and those who work with children. Particularly if your child has episodes of behaviours which challenge, but actually this approach will (I think) be good for all children.

One thing (from an autistic perspective) that struck me was how opposite to ABA it is, but how it will address the same 'issues' (for want of a better word). Therefore, I'm going to add the book to my list of "things which are better than ABA" when I'm asked for alternatives, both from desperate parents and from argumentative people on the internet.

For ND readers: I didn't like the phrase "behaviourally challenged" - Dr Greene doesn't really either. However, it doesn't affect what's being said, and the message clearly tells me that the skills and methods presented in the book align with our philosophies. It's not about changing a child, making them fit in, or blaming them for behaviours. It's about collaborating so all parties have their needs met, therefore reducing the number of explosive episodes. It's about wholeheartedly listening to the child (or adult if it's two adults using the strategy) and being equally responsible for coming up with a solution, and nobody's idea being considered more valuable than the other's. If you can get past the label, and can excuse a couple of mentions of "with an Autism Spectrum Disorder," then I think you will agree with the overarching principles, and find them a useful tool.

28 people found this helpful

95cwalker1

Explains a lot, an amazing read.

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on September 22, 2018

Verified Purchase

Am amazingly good read, such an insight into how children that are not considered 'normal' see the world and how to deal with the good and bad times of having an extra special child :-). Really made me see the world's from my son's eyes and have put into practise a few of the things mentioned, they have worked wonders. Would definetly recommend for anyone who is dealing with a child that is going through any diagnosis or diagnosed with needing extra care, additional needs.

22 people found this helpful

D Blackham

Good book

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on April 18, 2019

Verified Purchase

It’s good, the format is fab. Probably better for children 7+ Who are capable of discussion have a reasonable understanding of their own emotions/needs.

14 people found this helpful

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