A few questions I had during this movie and in the 24 hours after I watched it:
1) How did this get made?
2) Does the director have footage of the producer committing a heinous act on a small child or an animal? Could be both, but it's at least one or the other.
3) How did this preposterous, leaden script attract a decent cast? (And by decent, I mean, it's a B- cast, but there is some comedic talent which is utterly wasted.)
In fairness to the English language, I can't call what I'm about to write "spoilers" because that would indicate that there is something worth preserving in the film "Happily". There isn't. But yes, I'm about to tell you some of the things that happened in the movie.
First, I don't write a lot of reviews, but when I do it's generally to rave about a good or service that I've enjoyed. There's enough negativity in the world, and I try not to add to it. And as I rip apart this cinematic abortion, I think I'm being philosophically consistent because on top of being a humorless, intellect-deadening bore, this movie is devoid of anything that adds to culture, art, knowledge, joy or pleasure.
Here we go. And yes, I'm honestly referencing a profit-seeking entity called "Happliy", written and directed by Bendavid Grabinski.
The leads are an attractive 14 years-married couple named Janet and Tom. They can't keep their hands off of each other. They're madly in love. They have cute conflicts that resolve quickly. And they have lots of sex, often in inappropriate places.
Their friends Karen and Val are annoyed with them for being so happy. Karen and Val disinvite Janet and Tom from a planned couples retreat weekend because "everyone hates them" for being so happy and in love.
Janet and Tom go home. They tell each other that they're normal, happy and everyone else is just jealous.
So at this point, we're about twenty minutes in. There's no real story. There's no reason to care about any of the characters because there's nothing that's really been established in terms of plot.
Then there's a knock at the door. It's Goodman, played by the usually winsome Stephen Root. Goodman is wearing a suit. He has a briefcase. He's a little creepy. He asks Janet and Tom to sit in their living room. Then Goodman explains that he needs to inject Janet and Tom with a green substance in two syringes that will make them a normal couple.
Janet kills Goodman by hitting him from behind with a blunt instrument.
Janet and Tom bury Goodman. Then they are re-invited to the couples weekend. They go to a weird house and run out of booze. Janet goes to a liquor store. She sees Goodman drive by.
Fast forward to the last fifteen minutes of the movie. The five couples are asked over intercom by an unseen Goodman to sit in a circle and confess cheating, lying and spousal abuse before they can leave their AirBnB rental. They do. Then they leave.
Then Goodman hands Tom a check which Tom tears up.
As stupid as it sounds, I assure you, it's worse. And not in a Plan 9 from Outer Space so-bad-it's-good kind of bad. It's a bad that is simultaneously depressing and infuriating. It's a bad that makes time move slower, like you can actually hear your hair grow.
Spare yourself two painful, pointless hours you'll never get back.