|Print List Price:||$22.00|
|Kindle Price:|| $9.99 |
Save $12.01 (55%)
|Sold by:|| Simon and Schuster Digital Sales Inc |
Price set by seller.
Your Memberships & Subscriptions
Follow the Authors
The Heroin Diaries: Ten Year Anniversary Edition: A Year in the Life of a Shattered Rock Star Kindle Edition
|New from||Used from|
When Mötley Crüe was at the height of its fame, there wasn’t any drug Nikki Sixx wouldn’t do. He spent days—sometimes alone, sometimes with other addicts, friends, and lovers—in a coke- and heroin-fueled daze.
The highs were high, and Nikki's journal entries reveal some euphoria and joy. But the lows were lower, often ending with Nikki in his closet, surrounded by drug paraphernalia and wrapped in paranoid delusions.
Here, Nikki shares the diary entries—some poetic, some scatterbrained, some bizarre—of those dark times. Joining him are Tommy Lee, Vince Neil, Mick Mars, Slash, Rick Nielsen, Bob Rock, and a host of ex-managers, ex-lovers, and more.
Brutally honest, utterly riveting, and surprisingly moving, The Heroin Diaries follows Nikki during the year he plunged to rock bottom—and his courageous decision to pick himself up and start living again.
About the Author
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Well, that's what people say at Christmas, right? Except normally they have somebody to say it to. They have their friends and family all around them. They haven't been crouched naked under a Christmas tree with a needle in their arm like an insane person in a mansion in Van Nuys.
They're not out of their minds and writing in a diary and they're not watching their holiday spirit coagulating in a spoon. I didn't speak to a single person today...I thought of calling Bob Timmons, but why should I ruin his Christmas?
I guess I've decided to start another diary this time for a few different reasons...
1. I have no friends left.
2. So I can read back and remember what I did the day before.
3. So if I die, at least I leave a paper trail of my life (nice lil suicide note).
Merry Christmas...it's just you and me, diary. Welcome to my life.
BOB TIMMONS: By Christmas 1986, Nikki had been addicted to heroin and cocaine for at least a year, possibly longer. As a drug counselor, I first met Nikki when M?tley Cr?e's manager, Doc McGhee, called me in to work with the band's singer, Vince Neil. Nikki was initially very hostile to me; he tried to get me barred from going backstage or being around them.
Nikki and I slowly formed a relationship, and early in 1986 he asked me for help with his own addictions. I advised him to go into a rehab center but he refused and said he didn't need to. He was very stubborn on that issue.
Over the years I have worked with platinum-selling artists from the Rolling Stones to the Red Hot Chili Peppers and all points in between, and let me make one thing clear from the start-M?tley Cr?e, more than anybody, wrote the book for decadence and partying. In that area they were the most extreme people I ever met, and Nikki was the most extreme of all. For many years, Nikki had one motto: I'm going to do exactly what I want to do, and fuck everybody else.
Van Nuys, 2:10 a.m.
Jason came over again today. I was touched...so there is a Santa Claus, after all. He came mooching in, with his greasy James Dean hair and his junkie eyes that are sunk so deep in his elongated face that he looks like he's wearing makeup, and he stood by the tree and asked me how my Christmas had been. Like he cares...like he doesn't know already that it was exactly the same as his. Sometimes Jason pisses me off when he tries to make small talk. He asked me how much gear I wanted, and I asked, how much have you got? And he gave me this contemptuous, sneering look and said, that must be nice...
His Betty Page-wannabe Goth girlfriend Anastasia isn't much better. Oh, she's nice enuff, but I know on the inside I'm just her meal ticket to an easier, softer life. I know she tells Jason to jump when I call because she, more than he, wants the money. Not just for the junk, they make enuff off me to maintain their cheap little habits, but she likes to decorate their little one-room rat's nest with the extra money they have left over. That's the real reason she demands he comes at my beck and call...she likes that extra cash for thrift shops and secondhand stores.
I see her as a sorta Suzie Homemaker from Hell, but it's all just a fantasy-she's stuck with a habit too...
NIKKI: My dealer Jason and I had a real love-hate relationship. I loved him because I could pick up the phone and he'd be over in twenty minutes with everything I needed. I hated him because it was killing me. He loved me because I gave him hundreds (sometimes thousands) of dollars on a daily basis. He hated me because I was a spoiled millionaire rock star who could have anything I wanted whenever I wanted it, and usually did.
I used to ride a Honda Shadow motorcycle around the Valleys with my shirt off, totally out of my mind. One time Jason started talking about Harleys and how much he loved them. Tommy had one, so the next day I just went out and bought one and rode it to Jason's house to score. He was furious: it was his dream bike, he'd shown me a picture of it and I'd bought it. He thought I was such a spoiled brat.
Jason was as fucked on heroin as me. He was a tall, skinny guy who in another life could have been a model, or something, but he really just came off looking like a corpse. That was the real reason he hated me: we were both living for drugs, but I could afford as many as I wanted.
Van Nuys, 4:15 a.m.
The best part of freebase is before the first hit. I love that moment, right before I put the glass pipe to my lips...that moment when everything is sane, and the craving, the salivating, the excitement all feel fresh and innocent. It's like foreplay...the ache that's always better than the orgasm.
Yet as soon as I hit the pipe, within 30 seconds all hell breaks lose in my brain...and I keep on doing it and doing it and doing it and doing it, and I can't stop. Every day that I sit here and write, it's always the same. So-why? Why do I do this? I hate it...I hate it so much, but I love it even more.
The worst part of freebase is running out. But I have a new jones-speedballs of any kind. The junk just isn't enough anymore...I feel like I'm only halfway there...
TOMMY LEE: Back around Girls Girls Girls, we were starting to make shitloads of money. With money came success, power, overindulgence and experimentation. Sixx and I, in particular, took a lot of narcotics, and he would always want to push things: "Hey, how about taking these two drugs together? How about heroin and cocaine at the same time?" That period led us to this really dark fucking place. We all went to that place at various times-but Nikki seemed to like it there more than any of us.
Van Nuys, 9:40 p.m.
After I binged last night-or was it tonight-I was convinced yet again that there were people coming to get me. It was more than just shadows and voices, more than just fantasies...it was real, and I was scared to my core.
My bones were shaking...my heart was pounding...I thought I was going to explode. I'm glad I have you to talk to, to write this down...I tried to keep it all together, but then I gave in to the madness and became one with my insanity...
I always end up in the closet in my bedroom. Let me tell you about that place, my closet. It's more than a closet-it's a haven for me. It's where I keep my dope and where I keep my gun. I know when I'm in there I'm safe, at least until I get too high. I can't be out in the house-there are too many windows and I know I'm being watched. Right now it seems impossible that cops are peering in from the trees outside or people are looking at me thru the peeohole at the front door. But when the drugs kick in I can't control my mind...
Today, last night feels like a lifetime ago. But the sick thing is I could do it again tonight.
NIKKI: This was the crazy routine I had at the time. I would start out freebasing or mainlining anywhere in the house: the front room, the kitchen, the bathroom. But as soon as the coke-induced psychosis kicked in, as soon as the insanity began, I would make a beeline for my bedroom closet. That was my refuge. I would huddle in there, surrounded by my drug paraphernalia and guns, convinced that people were in the house trying to get me, or a SWAT team was outside preparing to bust me. I would be too scared to move until I came down. The only way to bring myself down quicker was heroin. Heroin would make the madness go away: it was the easy solution. It seemed to make sense at the time.
Van Nuys, 4:30 p.m.
I've been thinking about last Christmas Eve when I picked up that girl in a strip club, brought her back here on my bike, took her home the next day, then had Christmas dinner all by myself in McDonald's. I haven't made much progress I see.
Today I'm listening to Exile on Main Street, reading, laying around...tanning in the backyard, naked...today I feel like my old self. Sometimes I feel like I have two personalities. One is Nikki and one is...Sikki.
ROSS HALFIN: As a photographer I've shot M?tley Cr?e many times over the years for magazines and got particularly close to Nikki. I remember the first time I ever met him in LA we got on pretty well and decided to go for a drink that night. We sat talking in a booth. Vince Neil was in another booth with a girl, arguing, and Vince suddenly stood up and punched her in the face. I asked Nikki, "Should we sort it out?" And Nikki just laughed and said, "Let them sort it out themselves."
Copyright 2007 © Nikki Sixx--This text refers to an alternate kindle_edition edition.
- ASIN : B000UZPIAW
- Publisher : MTV Books; Anniversary edition (September 18, 2007)
- Publication date : September 18, 2007
- Language : English
- File size : 90649 KB
- Text-to-Speech : Enabled
- Screen Reader : Supported
- Enhanced typesetting : Enabled
- X-Ray : Not Enabled
- Word Wise : Enabled
- Print length : 567 pages
- Lending : Not Enabled
- Best Sellers Rank: #60,800 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- Customer Reviews:
About the authors
Reviewed in the United States on August 25, 2020
Reviews with images
Top reviews from the United States
There was a problem filtering reviews right now. Please try again later.
With all the griping we do about negativity in the media, here is a very positive and uplifting story.
Here we have a celebrity who is presenting the garbage he experienced (even if much of it was self-inflicted) at a time when he was "the king of the world", yet made up his mind to live. He learned. He grew.
Even many of the people around him learned and grew as well.
We should have been reading Nikki's epitaph sometime in the late '80s/early 90s, but he survived and is thriving.
His story is important because he went through things that are not unique in our culture. And he learned from them and made up his mind to live.
I grew up in the '80s and was (and still am) a huge Motley Crue fan. I am now an even bigger fan of the band, for their sheer perseverance.
I am an even greater admirer of Nikki Sixx, for his strength and ability to realize his mistakes, own them, grow and learn.
Most of us can't seem to do that, even with petty things, on a day-to-day basis.
I highly recommend this book.
Regarding the Kindle version - there are many typos and similar mistakes. Apparently the folks at MTV Publishing need to learn how to read.
Of course, all the crazy stories make it seem fun, all the dark corners make it seem wise. But the life itself, well, it's neither of two things.
What I liked the most is that the story is missing the lesson. There's always some kind of pseudo-wise moral subtext in these books - "Don't do drugs, they'll ruin your life", "get yourself together and learn to live with yourself". This one is way different. It's more like "what if you replaced one kind of drug with another?"
This wouldn't be a rock memoir without self-destruction, feeling of omnipotence, and I-do-what-I-want attitude. And this wouldn't be as fun if there was remorse about any of that (that would be a moral lesson again).
Oh, and one more thing - it's sweet how in the end there is zero understanding of the reasons for the downward spiral we're reading about. It's not really about forgiving others, it's about admitting that it's your fault. Well, maybe he got there eventually, but probably not).
Now do I sound all wise or what?) It's a great journey anyway, and you should all read it ;).
Top reviews from other countries
As a portrait of a long descent into self-indulgence, addiction and depravity it is peerless.
You are unlikely to like what you see, but that's partly the point.
It makes me glad that my teenage rock bands never made it out of the little league - I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have handled it well.
A little personal anecdote which tends to confirm that Motley were one of the sleaziest outfits out there in the 1980's:
I was a big Motley Crue fan when I was young. Went to see them on their Theatre of Pain tour when I was aged just 12. Went to the gig venue with some mates in the afternoon - soundcheck time. One of the roadies ('Fast Eddie') scooped up a 14 yo girl who was with us and disappeared into a tour bus with her. She came back 15 minutes later looking shell-shocked and speechless, but nevertheless pleased that she'd been promised a backstage pass and a meet up with Nikki Sixx that evening.
During the gig Nikki Sixx lost it and started hacking at the crowd with his bass... not pretty. And there was our 14 yo friend by the side of the stage...awaiting goodness knows what after the gig.
In the book you will read about his heroin battle, What it make him do and think, The paranoia the heroin caused him to develop, His secret sister who passed away during this time, His relationship with his mother and sister, The loss of his beloved granmother, The antics that hapoened in motley crue, His girlfriends, The groupies, His marriages, The affair he had, The births of his children.
It also gives details about Nikki's early life and why he turned to drugs. It also tells how he beat his addiction and went on to help others who have addictions too. It is great read and I highly recommend it to rock fans.
Just wish I could have picked up a new copy with old version of the cover.
Anyway as it's an anniversary edition it does have added input at the back, so other than preferred cover I have no issue.
To glue it altogether we get contributions from other musicians who all verify what Sixx has written. He came across in 1987 as quite a despicable indivudual- evidently with a massive drug problem. Some of the entries you will be reading twice in disbelief. Somehow Sixx made it out, how he did no one knows but he did. And hence this book, and a quite different man at the end of it.
A great read that once finished you will find yourself picking up from time to time.