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Grief is not a problem to be solved; it's an experience to be carried.
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There are losses that rearrange the world. Deaths that change the way you see everything, grief that tears everything down. Pain that transports you to an entirely different universe, even while everyone else thinks nothing has really changed.
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There is not a reason for everything. Not every loss can be transformed into something useful. Things happen that do not have a silver lining.
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It's OK That You're Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand Paperback – October 1, 2017

4.7 out of 5 stars 6,045 ratings

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From the Publisher

Editorial Reviews

Review

“It’s OK That You’re Not OK is a permission slip to feel what you feel, do what you do, and say what you say, when life finds you in a place of profound loss and the world seems hell-bent on telling you the right way to get back to being the person you'll never again be.” ―Jonathan Fields, author of How to Live a Good Life, founder of Good Life Project

“Megan Devine has captured the grief experience: grief is not a problem to be solved, but a mystery to be honored. She understands the pain that grieving people carry on top of their actual grief, including the pain of being judged, dismissed, and misunderstood. It’s OK That You’re Not OK is the book I’ve been waiting for for 30 years―the one I can recommend to any newly bereaved parent, widow, widower, or adult grieving a death.” ―Donna Schuurman, senior director of advocacy and training at The Dougy Center for Grieving Children & Families

“In this beautifully written offering for our broken hearts, Megan Devine antidotes the culture’s messed up messages about bearing the unbearable. We don’t have to apologize for being sad! Grief is not a disease from which we must be cured as soon as possible! Rather, the landscape of loss is one of the holiest spaces we can enter. Megan serves as our fearless, feisty, and profoundly compassionate guide.” ―Mirabai Starr, translator of Dark Night of the Soul: John of the Cross and author of Caravan of No Despair: A Memoir of Loss and Transformation

“This book is POWERFUL. Too many grief books focus on ‘getting over it,’ but this book says: ‘Look grief in the eye. Sit with it.’ It’s OK That You’re Not OK comes at grief with no flinching. It’s intelligent and honest. It’s a message that everyone who has ever dealt with loss needs to read.” ―Theresa Reed, author of The Tarot Coloring Book

“Our current cultural norms surrounding death render us incapable of dealing with grief authentically and result in unknowingly causing more hurt and suffering to not only ourselves, but the people we care about most. It’s OK That You’re Not OK is the perfect how-to manual to help heal and support ourselves, each other, and our death-avoidant society.” ―Sarah Chavez, executive director of The Order of the Good Death

“Megan Devine knows grief intimately: she’s a therapist and a widow. In this wonderfully honest and deeply generous book, Devine confronts the reality of grieving and reminds us that ‘love is the thing that lasts.” ―Jessica Handler, author of Invisible Sisters: A Memoir and Braving the Fire: A Guide to Writing About Grief and Loss

“Megan Devine’s hard-won wisdom has the power to normalize and validate the experience of grief. If you’re tired of being asked, ‘Are you better now?’ read this book for a fresh perspective.” ―Chris Guillebeau, New York Times bestselling author of The Happiness of Pursuit

“Grief support and understanding that is heartfelt, straightforward, and wise.” ―Jack Kornfield, author of A Path with Heart

“It’s OK That You’re Not OK is a wise and necessary book. Megan Devine offers a loving, holistic, and honest vision of what it means to ‘companion each other inside what hurts.” ―Steve Edwards, author of Breaking into the Backcountry

“In a culture that leaves us all woefully unprepared to navigate grief, Megan Devine’s book is a beacon for a better way of relating. It’s OK That You’re Not OK shows us the path to be companions, rather than saviors, to loved ones who are experiencing deep pain. This book should be required reading for being human.” ―Kate McCombs, relationship educator and creator of Tea & Empathy events

“Megan Devine tells the truth about loss, and in doing so, she normalizes an experience that has been censored and stigmatized. It’s OK That You’re Not OK is enormously comforting and validating. Through her life work―and now this important book―Megan leads us to a place that’s rare in our culture: a place where our loss is valued and honored and heard.” ―Tré Miller Rodríguez, author of Splitting the Difference: A Heart-Shaped Memoir

“One of the hardest things about going through hard times is trying to get and give support. In It’s OK That You’re Not OK Megan Devine guides us through tough times with grace. With loving acceptance and compassion, Megan is the new, warm perspective you need.” ―Vanessa Van Edwards, author of Captivate and behavioral investigator at ScienceofPeople.com

“Megan Devine shows us that rather than treat grief as an illness to recover from, we can approach it with warmth and understanding. This is an invaluable book.” ―Rene Denfeld, bestselling author of The Enchanted and The Child Finder

“This book is the radical take on grief we all need. Megan Devine breaks apart stereotypes and societal expectations that layer additional suffering on top of the intense heartbreak of loss. For those in grief, these words will bring comfort and a deep sense of recognition. With precise language, insightful reflections, and easy-to-implement suggestions, this book is a flashlight for finding a way in the darkest times. For anyone looking to support others in their grief, this is required reading!” ―Jana DeCristofaro, coordinator of Children’s Grief Services, The Dougy Center for Grieving Children & Families

About the Author

Megan Devine is a writer, speaker, and advocate for emotional change on a cultural level. She holds a master’s in counseling psychology. Since the tragic loss of her partner in 2009, Megan has emerged as a bold new voice in the world of grief support. Her contributions via her site Refuge in Grief have helped create sanctuary for those in pain and encouragement for those who want to help. For more, visit refugeingrief.com.

Mark Nepo is a poet and philosopher who has taught in the fields of poetry and spirituality for over 35 years. ANew York Times#1 bestselling author, he has published numerous books--including The Book of Soul, The One Life We're Given, and Drinking from the River of Light--and recorded multiple audio projects.

Mark has been interviewed three times by Oprah Winfrey as part of herSoul Seriesradio show, and was interviewed by Robin Roberts onGood Morning America. As a cancer survivor, Mark devotes his writing and teaching to the journey of inner transformation and the life of relationship. Mark's work is widely accessible and used in spiritual retreats, healing and medical communities, and more. His work has been translated into 20 languages, and he continues to offer readings, lectures, and retreats.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Sounds True, Inc.; 1st edition (October 1, 2017)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 280 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1622039076
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1622039074
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 9.3 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.32 x 0.76 x 8.07 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.7 out of 5 stars 6,045 ratings

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Psychotherapist Megan Devine is a pioneer in the fields of grief and loss, speaking out on the ways we twist the normal, healthy expression of grief into something to rush through or hide away. Through her website, media appearances, training programs, and Writing Your Grief communities, she's been shaking up our culture's ideas around grief - and love - since 2009. Her book, It's OK That You're Not OK, is considered required reading by grieving people and professionals around the world. Her second book is the guided grief journal, How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed.

Megan has been featured in the New York Times, Washington Post, Harvard Business Review, GQ, The Atlantic, The Sun Magazine, and other publications. She's a popular guest on many broadcasts, including Marketplace from American Public Media, the Dave Nemo Show, WBUR’s Cognoscenti, and NPR’s Morning Edition. You’ll see her on media outlets all across the US when grief erupts on a wider scale.

Visit http://refugeingrief.com for more.

Customer reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
4.7 out of 5
6,045 global ratings

Top reviews from the United States

Reviewed in the United States on October 3, 2017
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1,419 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on January 16, 2018
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889 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on May 27, 2018
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Reviewed in the United States on January 2, 2019
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Top reviews from other countries

Sissa
5.0 out of 5 stars It’s OK that you’re not OK
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on September 23, 2018
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144 people found this helpful
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Julz
5.0 out of 5 stars The best book on grief
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on September 13, 2018
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83 people found this helpful
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Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars Anything that allows you to acknowledge the painfulness of a loss whilst giving hope of a future where suffering without a loved one is alleviated is worth reading
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on March 30, 2018
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68 people found this helpful
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Beth
5.0 out of 5 stars Thank you Megan x
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on May 15, 2018
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Sarah
5.0 out of 5 stars The only grief book you will need
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on December 13, 2017
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51 people found this helpful
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