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About Kim Bongiorno
Kim has written for Real Simple, The Washington Post, Parents Magazine, Nickelodeon, and many other outlets. Find her talking books on Instagram @thekimbongiorno and tweeting @LetMeStart, or learn more at KimBongiornoWrites.com.
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Everyone has terrible parenting advice, but ours actually works!
But Did You Die? is the fifth hilarious installment in the New York Times bestselling I Just Want to Pee Alone series. It is a collection of terrible (but also kind of good) parenting advice from some of the funniest moms and dads on the 'net (plus that one super helpful childless friend we all have who loves to tell us we're parenting wrong).
So put your kids in front of the TV and let them eat junk food while you read this book and laugh your tail off.
We set the bar low so you can feel better about your parenting skills. You're welcome.
Featuring the writing of:
- Jen Mann of People I Want to Punch in the Throat™
- Elizabeth Argyropoulos
- Kim Bongiorno
- Julie Burton
- Joel Ryan
- Jeff Vrabel
NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER!!
Motherhood is the toughest – and funniest – job you'll ever love. Raising kids is hard work. The pay sucks, your boss is a tyrant, and the working conditions are pitiful – you can't even take a bathroom break without being interrupted with another outrageous demand.
Hasn't every mother said it before? “I just want to pee alone!”
I Just Want to Pee Alone is a collection of hilarious essays from 37 of the most kick ass mom bloggers on the web.
- Jen Mann of People I Want to Punch in the Throat™
- Insane in the Mom-Brain
- The Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva
- Baby Sideburns
- Rants From Mommyland.
Read hysterical essays like:
- Embarrassment, Thy Name is Motherhood
- A Pinterest-Perfect Mom, I am Not
- And Then There was that Time a Priest Called Me a Terrible Mother
- So She Thought She Could Cut Off My Stroller
This is the book that kicked off the New York Times bestselling I Just Want to Pee Alone series of books. Collect the entire series!
Read the seventh book in the New York Times bestselling I Just Want to Pee Alone series!
Remember when we thought motherhood was hard when the kids were little? Ha! Now we realize it's damn near impossible when they're teenagers! The days of potty-training, bubble-wrapping every sharp corner, and begging for a freaking minute to pee alone are long behind us. We don't read bedtime stories or sing lullabies to our children anymore. Instead, we're communicating via TikTok videos and tracking them on their cellphones every time they leave the house. We lose sleep wondering if we've done enough or overdone it.
There was a time when we longed to be left alone and now we can't get our teenagers to spend any time with us. When we're not begging or bribing them to hang out, we're banning them from leaving the house just so we can have some "family time" together.
Raising teens is not for the faint of heart but it's still a wild and terrific ride. For all the angst and drama teenagers cause, they're also smart, hilarious, and fun to be around (if they let you hang out with them).
Enjoy stories like:
◆ The 100% Absolutely True Story of How My Kid Accidentally Joined a Cartel
◆ The Joy of Knowing Middle School Doesn't Matter
◆ Let's Talk About Sex
◆ A Camel, Some Straws, and Your College-Bound Teen
Motherhood never gets easier and you're going to laugh or cry. Why not do both?
Motherhood is tough. You'll laugh or cry, so you might as well laugh.
I STILL Just Want to Pee Alone is the third book in the New York Times bestselling I Just Want to Pee Alone series!
Motherhood is STILL the toughest – and STILL the funniest – job you'll ever love.
We know that raising kids is hard work. The pay sucks, your boss is a tyrant, and the working conditions are pitiful – TGIF means nothing to a mother!
You said it before and you're saying it again, “I STILL just want to pee alone!”
I STILL Just Want to Pee Alone is ANOTHER collection of hilarious and heartwarming essays from 40 MORE of the most kick ass mom bloggers on the web.
- People I Want to Punch in the Throat
- Bad Parenting Moments
- Let Me Start By Saying
- The Sh*tastrophy.
Featuring essays like:
- It's Not Pee. It's You.
- Open Letter to My Daughter: My Mother was Right and You Should Think I Am, Too.
- And Then God Laughed
- Flames, Knives, and Fear: A Family Dinner Let's Piss Off the Babies
Sometimes being a woman sucks. Do you ever feel the pressure to be perfect?
I Just Want to Be Perfect is the fourth book in the New York Times bestselling I Just Want to Pee Alone series.
It brings together 37 hilarious and relatable essays that showcase the foibles of ordinary women trying to be perfect.
The cult of perfection is a thing.
As women, we are constantly inundated with "helpful" and/or "ah-may-zing" tips to improve our looks, please our men, raise the next Einstein (in a wheat-free, dairy-free, and sugar-free environment), and feng shui the crap out of our homes.
Whether it's the hot new diet that involves only eating what you can forage from the floor of your minivan, bleaching everything from your hair to your teeth to your butt hole, or clearing your clutter by mindfully thanking your ratty underwear for its long, dedicated service before you toss them, we've all tried something to be more perfect.
We try to strive for perfection and balance in our lives, and most of us fail--spectacularly.
These are those stories.
Now we’re taking it to the next level with an anthology of original short stories from some of the wittiest women writers we know—stories they would only tell their closest friends, most likely from within the haven of a ladies’ room. Inside you’ll find 39 (mostly) true tales by women, for women, about being women—bodily changes, relationships, careers, motherhood, aging, illness, and more—written with the humor and grit that proudly sets In The Powder Room apart.
But be forewarned: we’re holding nothing back. We’re revealing our deep dark secrets—because it’s through our most vulnerable and honest moments that we forge the strongest connections and discover we aren’t so alone after all.
You have a gimpy boob? Me too. You think glitter is the herpes of the craft world? Me too! You got your fishnet-clad leg stuck to your head on stage in front of thousands of people? Wait…what? OMG. Tell me everything!
We are your friends, sisters, mothers, and daughters. Regardless of what life has dished up for you, chances are, we’ve been there and we can relate. We’ll help you laugh it off, or hold your hand until you’re ready to laugh again.
And we promise: we’ll always tell you when you have lipstick on your teeth.
Julie C. Gardner
Ellen Williams and Erin Dymowski
Have you ever felt like you needed some time alone? Maybe a little time to yourself?
Then get the second volume in the New York Times bestselling I Just Want to Pee Alone series!
Don't get us wrong, we love the men in our lives – we do (most of the time). It's just that sometimes we would like them to go away. Not forever or anything like that.
Just for an hour … or a day … or a weekend.
We want some time to ourselves to read a good book or take a walk or do anything other than try to make a dent in the never ending mound of dirty clothes that keeps piling up on his side of the bed.
We just want to be alone. All alone. Is that too much to ask?
I Just Want to Be Alone is a collection of humorous essays from 37 of the most Super Cool Lady Writers you'll find on the web.
- People I Want to Punch in the Throat
- Baby Sideburns
- AK Turner
- My Husband Ate All My Ice Cream
- Bad Parenting Moments.
Read hilarious essays like:
- Open Letter To My Son (Or: Your Mother’s Top 10 List of Ways Not to Be a Douchebag Husband)
- Exploding With Love, Literally
- Romance is Overrated
- Life With the Thin Guy
- Dear Magnolia, Should I Marry This Man?
Venturing deep into the Twitterverse in search of even more hilarity, those intrepid editors discovered more than FIFTY of the funniest comedians who just happen to be parents. Together with still more of Science of Parenthood’s signature cartoons and special “behind the tweets” stories, Book Two is BIGGER … it’s BOLDER ... and gosh darn it, people LIKE it!
Praise for The Big Book of Parenting Tweets:
"The perfect book for parents who want -- NEED -- to laugh, but don't have time to sit down and read a daunting book. Grab it, head to the bathroom and lock the door until they find you!”
— Jill Smokler, author of Confessions of a Scary Mommy
"The Big Book of Parenting Tweets dishes up bite-size nuggets of funny. Impossible to read just one." — Jen Mann, author of People I Want to Punch in the Throat: Competitive Crafters, Drop-Off Despots, and Other Suburban Scourges
“This book is HILARIOUS. Being a parent is a frustrating, hilarious, weird, wild experience. This book captures some of the best of our snark. You need it. You do.” — Nicole Knepper, author of Moms Who Drink and Swear
A terrific read, featuring some of the funniest (and most honest) parents in the Twitterverse... my go-to gift for new parents! — Johanna Stein, author of How Not To Calm A Child On A Plane and Other Parenting Advice from a Questionable Source
Here is just a peek at some of what you’ll find inside:
I don’t believe in spanking my children, but I do believe in flipping them off from the other room.
— Jewel Nunez (@OneFunnyMummy)
Me prying a toy hammer from my 4yo:
“Stop. It’s not hammer time!”
Parenting is lonely when nobody’s there to hear your outdated references.
— Full Metal Mommy (@FullMetalMommy)
The saddest thing I have ever seen is watching my son trying to carve a Playstation 3 out of a giant lump of coal on Christmas.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22)
All restaurants should have a $200 cover charge for babies.
— Rodney Lacroix (@Moooooog35)
No, honey. The deer is just sleeping. They tied him down so he wouldn’t fall off the top of their Ford Explorer.
— Linda Doty (@LindaInDisguise)
Ah, the holidays: a time of joy, celebration, serenity, and peace…
Unless, of course, you have whiny, screaming children demanding presents, attention, and a personal appearance by Santa or Judah the Maccabee. Then you’re screwed.
But wait, there’s hope: Scary Mommy Guide to Surviving the Holidays to the rescue!
Yes, in this handy holiday guide, you’ll find everything you need to survive the fall/winter rush of cheer in style, and without having a mental breakdown. From relatable, hilarious essays on everything from the Santa myth to being seated at the dreaded kids’ table, to easy-to-follow recipes that might include just a little something special to take the edge off (can anyone say Kahlua?), to fun and accessible gift ideas, this book is your ticket to peace of mind—and a laugh—during the busy, crazy holiday season!
In this collection of twenty-one short stories spanning from contemporary settings to fantastical lands, you will meet a troubled teenager, fallen princess, reunited lovers, superheroes, creatures from afar, and more. Funny, sexy, macabre, and heart wrenching, there's something for everyone woven into these tales.
What Readers Are Saying About PART OF MY WORLD:
"Sensual and surprising, inspired and humorous, PART OF MY WORLD is a magic carpet ride through Kim's wildly creative imagination, and you'll beg for the ride not to end."
- Beth Teliho, author of ORDER OF SEVEN
"Spanning the divide from endearing to subversive to downright magical, PART OF MY WORLD gives all short story lovers something to lose themselves in."
- Meghan O'Flynn, author of the ASH PARK series
"This collection of short pieces by Kim is amazing. In each story, with few words, Kim shows us an entire world. And that's not an easy task. I can't wait for her next book. And if you're reading this review, stop right now and buy her book."
- Janie Emaus, author of BEFORE THE AFTER
"Kim is best known for her humorous writings, but with this collection of short stories she shares her soul with us and allows us to see another side of her."
- Jen Mann, New York Times bestselling author of SPENDING THE HOLIDAYS WITH PEOPLE I WANT TO PUNCH IN THE THROAT
"Utterly original, but somehow instantly recognizable characters populate fully realized worlds--some completely magical, others all-too-real. Story after story, I found myself staring at the last page, surprised, satisfied, and wishing for more. Each vignette is a revelation--and so is Kim."
- Peyton Price, author of SUBURBAN HAIKU: BOYS TO MEN
"Kim's short stories left me breathless. I wish I were one of her characters, or that I could see the world through her eyes even for one day."
- Leslie Marinelli, Editor-in-Chief at InThePowderRoom
"From beginning to end, the reader is treated with poignant, often sensual stories that leave you wanting to read more, to find out where the characters will take you along next.”
- Abby Heugel, author of ABBY HAS ISSUES
"The collection covers a range of topics from forbidden love to terror to desire to, what I call, "fairy tales for adults" and more. In many cases, I felt an immediate connection with the central character. Intriguing and unpredictable, each story drew me in and took hold; I even let out a chuckle or two. After reading this magnificent collection, I am certain this isn't the last we'll see of this entrancing storyteller.”
- Stephanie Young, author of HOW TO EAT HEALTHY WITHOUT NOTICING
"I've always loved Kim's fiction because it doesn't fling open doors, it only cracks them open, leaving me eager to crash through. Take 'In The Trees.' A colorfully articulated hive of creatures that are part animal, part rescue squad? I doubt anyone can read that story without wanting more. Where Kim's imagination lives is a place I'd like to vacation."
- Nicole Leigh Shaw, writer and editor
"[The] reader is immediately drawn into her word-painted scenes with a variety of interesting characters. Captivating, creative, and leaves me wanting to read even more..."
- Susan McLean, Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva