Kim John Payne
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About Kim John Payne
Kim John Payne is an Australian who has, for 24 years, worked throughout the world as a counselor, consultant/researcher and educator of both children and adults. He has been helping children, adolescents and families explore issues such as social difficulties with siblings and classmates, attention and behavioral issues at home and school, and a range of emotional issues such as defiance, aggression, addiction and self-esteem.
Kim has researched and implemented a Social Inclusion Approach in many communities, which helps overcome anti social behavior, bullying and teasing in school and at home. Kim regularly consults in colleges, clinics and schools throughout the USA and abroad, helping teachers and parents remove emotional and social obstacles from the paths of their children. He is at present engaged in an extensive research project, focusing on exploring and developing a drug free approach to Attention Related Disorders.
He is the Director of The Center for Social Sustainability www.socialsustain.com a training and consulting practice with focus areas in corporate training, the common concern process (working with issues of exclusion with adults in communities), the social inclusion approach (working with issues of exclusion, bullying and teasing in schools) and coming of age for boys. He also directs the Simplicity Parenting Life Coaching training program http://www.simplicityparenting.com/coachingresources.html
He was the Founding Director of 'The Challenge of Adolescence,' a training course for therapists, teachers and parents, the Founding Co Director of the Eastern European Institute of Spatial Dynamics (Hungary) and the Co Director of the Michael Institute of Spatial Dynamics (England). Now, he is now the Project Director of the Waldorf Community Collaborative Counseling Program at Antioch University New England. This is a course aimed at training future Waldorf School & Family Counselors and also teachers to better understand social and emotional issues of children and teens and to support home and school life.
In addition to authoring "Simplicity Parenting", released by Ballantine Books/Random House in 2009, he is also the author of "The Games Children Play", (1996) published by Hawthorn Press and is presently working on a third title - "The Soul of Discipline".
Kim strives to deepen understanding and give practical tools for life that arise out of the burning social issues of our time. He is based in Harlemville, New York with his wife and two daughters.
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Titles By Kim John Payne
• Streamline your home environment. Reduce the amount of toys, books, and clutter—as well as the lights, sounds, and general sensory overload.
• Establish rhythms and rituals. Discover ways to ease daily tensions, create battle-free mealtimes and bedtimes, and tell if your child is overwhelmed.
• Schedule a break in the schedule. Establish intervals of calm and connection in your child’s daily torrent of constant doing.
• Scale back on media and parental involvement. Manage your children’s “screen time” to limit the endless deluge of information and stimulation.
A manifesto for protecting the grace of childhood, Simplicity Parenting is an eloquent guide to bringing new rhythms to bear on the lifelong art of raising children.
Payne gives parents heartwarming help and encouragement by combining astute observations with sensitive and often funny stories from his long career as a parent educator and a school and family counselor. In accessible language, he explains the relevance of current brain- and child-development studies to day-to-day parenting. Breaking the continuum of childhood into three stages, Payne says that parents need to play three different roles, each corresponding to one of those stages, to help steer children through their emotional growth and inevitable challenging times:
• The Governor, who is comfortably and firmly in charge—setting limits and making decisions for the early years up to around the age of eight
• The Gardener, who watches for emotional growth and makes decisions based on careful listening, assisting tweens in making plans that take the whole family’s needs into account
• The Guide, who is both a sounding board and moral compass for emerging adults, helping teens build a sense of their life’s direction as a way to influence healthy decision making
Practical and rooted in common sense, The Soul of Discipline gives parents permission to be warm and nurturing but also calm and firm (not overreactive). It gives clear, doable strategies to get things back on track for parents who sense that their children’s behavior has fallen into a troubling pattern. And best of all, it provides healthy direction to the entire family so parents can spend less time and energy on outmoded, punitive discipline and more on connecting with and enjoying their kids.
Advance praise for The Soul of Discipline
“The Soul of Discipline offers practical tools for helping parents implement discipline that’s respectful and effective, but the book is so much more. Kim John Payne offers a framework to guide parents in making decisions about why, when, and how to hold tighter reins as we build skills in our children, and why, when, and how to loosen the reins as we scaffold freedom.”—Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D., co-author of No-Drama Discipline
“This book gets deep inside the challenge of getting along with children and teens and thinks deeply about what they need from us to become strong and self-managing. It elevates discipline to what it should be—a caring process of helping kids orient to the world and live in it happily and well.”—Steve Biddulph, author of The New Manhood
“Kim Payne provides a useful model for choosing our parenting stance—Governor, Gardener, or Guide—depending on the situation. Most powerfully, Payne begins with the radical view that children are not disobedient but rather disoriented. The upshot of this shift in perspective is that discipline is about helping children orient themselves effectively, not about controlling or chastising.”—Lawrence J. Cohen, Ph.D., author of Playful Parenting
These days it seems everyone has a youth sports horror story—whether it’s about a tyrant coach obsessed with his team record that only plays the best kids on the team, or a parent who publicly berates his kid for not making a goal. But should it really only be all about winning? What about having fun, learning a sport, and developing athletic skills?
Beyond Winning with Whole Child Sports offers an alternative approach to teaching sports to kids. It deemphasizes short-term goals like winning and youth championships and discourages the introduction of adult-oriented, league-structured competition. Instead it emphasizes training techniques and coaching strategies aimed at improving core strength, balance, and creativity in aspiring athletes, using an age-appropriate four-stage timeline, based on a child’s physical, psychological, and neurological development.
Beyond Winning with Whole Child Sports provides frustrated parents with help in the form of advice and concrete solutions to common questions, and step-by-step instructions for helping young children develop athletic ability in an environment that’s less structured while encouraging athletic and personal growth. It also reveals how to avoid bullying, trash talk, and elitism.
When children are at their most difficult and challenging situations arise, how can we react in a way that reflects our family values and expectations? Often, when children “push our buttons,” we find ourselves reacting in ways that are far from our principles, often further inflaming a situation.
When our children are at their worst, they need us to be at our best—or as close to it as we can be. Educator and family counselor Kim John Payne, author of Simplicity Parenting, offers techniques that simply and directly shift these damaging patterns in communication and parental behavior. These grounded and practical strategies will help you:
• Slow down the interaction
• Be more in control of your reactions
• Open up a much wider range of helpful responses
• Sense what your child’s deeper needs are even though they are misbehaving
• Respond in a way that gives your child a feeling of being heard and still puts a boundary in place
Payne’s meditative approach can be done anywhere, anytime; it lifts you out of old, unwanted patterns of action-reaction and prepares you so that the voice you speak with is closer to the parent you want to be. His concrete and simple techniques can help you, and your children, be at your best, even in the most challenging of times.
Zu viel Zeug, zu viel Auswahl – und dabei immer zu wenig Zeit. Täglich wird die innere Balance unserer Kinder gefährdet. Wie sich Kinder auch in unserer schnelllebigen Zeit unbeschwert, frei und geschützt entfalten können, zeigt der international angesehene Familienberater Kim John Payne: Durch ein vereinfachtes, übersichtlicheres Zuhause mit weniger Spielzeug, weniger sensorischen Reizen, weniger Freizeitstress – und stattdessen mehr Ruhepausen, vorhersehbaren Rhythmen und liebevollen Ritualen, die die gesamte Familie stärken. So entwickeln Kinder das, was wir ihnen für ein ganzes Leben wünschen: Selbstwirksamkeit, Selbstvertrauen, Gelassenheit und innere Stärke – die beste Basis und das wertvollste Geschenk, das Eltern ihren Kindern mitgeben können.