- File Size: 1397 KB
- Print Length: 264 pages
- Publisher: HarperCollins e-books; Reprint edition (October 13, 2009)
- Publication Date: October 13, 2009
- Sold by: HarperCollins Publishers
- Language: English
- ASIN: B000UODXP0
- Text-to-Speech: Enabled
- Word Wise: Enabled
- Lending: Not Enabled
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #10,183 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence Kindle Edition
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|Length: 264 pages||Word Wise: Enabled||Enhanced Typesetting: Enabled|
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Add to this that my whole arousal system of mind, body, soul and sex is older, as I'm in my mid 60s. Love what she said when asked how many times she'd been married: "Four. To the same man." This woman and mom and wife and therapist and speaker of 6 languages not only reinvented herself to stay hot for her man but to stay interesting for her two teen children living with mom/dad as a foursome. Yes, sex as a family value. From Belgium and Israel, her husband and two kids live or lived together when she wrote this from their flat in NYC. It's one thing to write how to stay hot for each other while married; it's another to pull it off and then even be able to communicate the complex system that makes it possible.
I gave one to a peer guy friend and one to my son. It's that good and helpful. They say when the student is ready the teacher will appear. Don't read this book too soon. Or too late either. But buy three copies and get ready. I say.
Top international reviews
Perel shows that many of our hopes, fears, desires and fantasies are not that weird at all, in fact they're more common than we realise and are mostly part of a normal, healthy mindset. Its just that we've been conditioned down certain routes and traditions of whats acceptable and what isn't. So much so that we don't always feel comfortable disclosing our needs and desires to even the closest person to us.
In some of her many talks that appear on youtube, Perel often hints at questioning whether monogamy is for everyone or whether its realistic at all. In the book, in one of the later chapters, she spells out her view more clearly... that monogamy is just as much a choice as any lifestyle choices, and although it's a model that fits many people, that it should not be regarded as the only way to be. She also points out the hypocrisy and changing definitions of monogamy (ie, one sexual partner for life). You could have two long term relationships, and consider yourself monogamous in both of them (!?), but as soon as you slept with the second partner, you were not monogamous!
She gives lots of examples of couples who talked things over and thrashed things out under her guidance and with her insight, and in each case the couples eventually came good and made the adjustments needed for a more fulfilling sex life. My only criticism is that she never gives examples of when, having disclosed their innermost thoughts and secrets, the couple realise they are incompatible, not on the same wavelength and split up! Taking a risk and opening up to your partner can have wonderfully positive effects, but it could also be a deal-breaker, and Perel doesn't seem to fully acknowledge this. It could be argued, though, that the risk of not communicating, putting your head in the sand and trying to maintain the status quo has its own unhappy consequences.
Nevertheless, it is an honest, helpful and thought-provoking read for any couple in a long term relationship who have started to wonder where has all the magic gone and why is sex becoming a bit boring and predictable.
This is a thought-provoking book rather than a practical one - there aren't bullet point lists, plans or outright 'rules', but it'll make you consider your own relationships and habits, which is perhaps more meaningful in the long term. I listen to her podcast, Where Should We Begin?, so some of the content was a little familiar to me, but I enjoyed reading throughout.
Highly recommend this book!
Recommended to look into your own heart and perhaps help understand something of others.