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Blog postADHD & Marriage News - June 22, 2022 Quote of the Week “Instead of listening to their partner‘s (complaints around tasks left undone), digesting the information and caring about why they feel bad, I’ve found that guys invest their energy in one of three ways. They dispute the facts of the story their partner just told; agree with the facts, but believe their partner is overreacting; or defend their actions by explaining why they did it. In all three cases, his partner’s feeli
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Blog postADHD & Marriage News - June 15, 2022 Quote of the Week “Sometimes the best way to address not having sex is to stop talking about why you are not having sex and (start playing). Replace the bad experiences with completely new, fun ones.”
- Esther Perel
Start Playing You may feel you have a troubled sex life. This would not be a surprise, since the vulnerability needed for sex rests on a foundation of good will, trust and positivity. When your r -
Blog postADHD & Marriage News - June 2, 2022 Quote of the Week “My wife and I took your seminar, and really learned a lot, although we're still struggling. I have a question about SMART goals. It's easy to set up a goal for something like exercise (i.e. 30 min, 4x/week), but I'm having a hard time thinking of how to have a measurable goal for something more amorphous. One of my target symptoms is emotional dysregulation... Would it make sense to count how often I'm dysregulated, and th
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Blog postADHD & Marriage News - May 11, 2022 Quote of the Week “Watch out!
You might get what you’re after…”
- The Talking Heads, Burning Down the House
Actions Have Consequences Actions have consequences. If you act as if you are helpless in a relationship, not carrying your weight in household responsibilities, you may well be consigned to a ‘less than’ role in your partnership. Even if what you think you want is respect.
If you a -
Blog postADHD & Marriage News - April 23, 2022 Quote of the Week “It’s true we can’t always control the outcome of our efforts, and wishing won’t take us back to how things were before…I focus not on what could have been, but what can be.”
- Gabby Giffords (op ed on gun violence, responding to threats to democracy, and creating change)
Not in Control While Giffords here is talking about gun violence, the idea of looking towards today and tomorrow’s potential carries great wis -
Blog postSubmitted by MelissaOrlov on 04/19/2022. Negotiation and Setting Boundaries Your partner is having an affair? This is one of the most profound shocks you can receive – almost limitless pain, even if you’ve been through it before. Everything in your world turns upside down and the intensity of finding out your partner has been cheating is hard to describe. As the cheater, your partner is not tuned into your pain because being on the cheating side is a vastly different (
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Blog postSubmitted by MelissaOrlov on 04/15/2022. Diagnosis and Treatment of ADHDConflicts Around Household Tasks Easily accessible anywhere, often fun to interact with, and providing a neutral structure for learning or organizing, these apps can help with specific issues you face:
Brili - Created for families as a motivational and task organizer, Brili helps people understand and become more comfortable with the steps it takes to get something done. It's great for tracking regular -
Blog postSubmitted by MelissaOrlov on 03/28/2022. Conflicts Around Household Tasks If your ADHD partner has piles of things all over the house, and has difficulty cleaning up or throwing out, you are NOT alone! This is a common issue for adults with ADHD, and it can cause quite a bit of friction between partners. I've had many non-ADHD partners say that the mess their ADHD partner leaves makes them physically uncomfortable in their own home, Plus, when you've requested that a partne
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Blog postADHD & Marriage News - April 15, 2022 Quote of the Week “Unfortunately, most of us are not taught as children to embrace painful feelings. It’s counterintuitive and goes against our neurobiological wiring. If we have a traumatic history, all the more so. And our society by-and-large is an emotion-dismissing culture. But as (Brene) Brown cautions, there’s a price to pay when we selectively numb emotions: when we numb our painful feelings, we also numb our positive ones. So, if we wan
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Blog postADHD & Marriage News - APRIL 7, 2022 Quote of the Week “The true work of ‘self-care’ is recognizing you are the only one who can give yourself permission to take back your time and energy.”
- Dr. Pooia Lakshmin, M.D. Currently writing The Tyranny of Self-Care
Real Self Care “When I say self-care, I’m not talking about planning a spa day or getting a mani-pedi. I mean giving yourself plenty of space and support.”
-Terri Cole, Author of Boundary Boss -
Blog postADHD & Marriage News - March 30, 2022 Quote of the Week “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”
- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
Hate and Love When your partner is angry at you it’s tempting (and perhaps human nature) to want to be angry back. But, as King noted, darkness cannot drive out darkness. You’ve likely noticed that not much actually changes when the two of you are yellin -
Blog postSubmitted by MelissaOrlov on 02/10/2022. Start here Finding out that ADHD is impacting your relationship is actually good news. You’ve had the symptoms and patterns for a while now, and may have wondered why the same things keep happening over and over. Once you know more, you can make huge shifts in how you interact with each other. So let’s start…here are answers to questions couples ask when they’re just finding out about ADHD and relationships:
How do we know i -
Blog postADHD & Marriage News - March 10, 2022 Quote of the Week “Knowing that we can live without someone does not mean we have to live without that person, but it may free us to love and live in ways that work”
- Melodie Beatty
Free Choice Factually, most of us could live without our significant others (once the pain of initiating that passed). Which is not to say we want to, only that we could. Beatty suggests that admitting this can free us to make decisi -
Blog postADHD & Marriage News - February 28, 2022 Quote of the Week “Resilience means refusing to be the victim. Resilience means choosing to spend energy on finding a solution, rather than blaming others or (yourself). Resilience is a skill, which means people can get better at it.”
- Francoise Adan
The skill of resilience Don’t you love the idea of refusing to be the victim? And the proactive idea of expending your energy where it can make the most differe -
Blog postADHD & Marriage News - February 15, 2022 Quote of the Week “Sometimes we rescue because it’s easier than dealing with the discomfort and awkwardness of facing other people’s unsolved problems. We haven’t learned to say, “It’s too bad you’re having that problem. What do you need from me?” We’ve learned to say, “Here. Let me do that for you.””
- Melody Beatty
Are you a rescuer? I’m not sure I need to go into the myriad ways that partners fe -
Blog postADHD & Marriage News - February 2, 2022 Quote of the Week “If you bottle up negative emotions…then you haven’t processed what you need to process. What we know clearly from the research is that whatever you resist grows stronger.”
- Kristen Neff
Negative Emotions Here’s another way to put this idea. Whatever you bottle up inside you festers. You move from fear to resentment, and from resentment to outright hostility unless you address that resentmen -
Blog postADHD & Marriage News - January 18, 2022 Quote of the Week “Sometimes you win and sometimes you learn.”
- sign in a Wooboi restroom
Win and .... Could there be anything healthier for a relationship than thinking of every setback as an opportunity to learn?! This sort of forward-thinking attitude is how we grow, and it has the chance to move you into new…and better…territory in your relationship.
The old zero-sum idea of win or lose just doesn’t fit when -
Blog postADHD & Marriage News - January 12, 2022 Quote of the Week “You don’t have to understand life. You just have to live it.”
- From the book, The Midnight Library
Understanding? There are some things about my life, and about my partner’s behavior, that I simply will never fully comprehend. I’m not sure he will, either. As a person who seeks to not only understand, but share that understanding with many thousands of others, this presents a conundrum.&nbs -
Blog postADHD & Marriage News - January 4, 2022 Quote of the Week “I attack ideas, I don’t attack people. Some very good people have some very bad ideas.”
- Antonin Scalia
What to Attack One of the things that always confounded me with George was the fact that he so closely linked ideas that I had to him as a person. Once he told me “You showed me you didn’t love me by telling me you didn’t like having so many bikes in the garage.” Huh?! The fact that -
Blog postADHD & Marriage News - December 23, 2021 Quote of the Week “Never throw mud: you can miss the target, but your hands will remain dirty.”
- Dorothy Parker
Throwing Mud I am not sure I need to say a ton about this quote other than to encourage you to do everything you can to remain respectful with your partner and express your feelings in a way that reflect the good person you wish to be.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS: May the good times and treasure
Titles By Melissa Orlov
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