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I'm Not Even Supposed to Be Here Today by [Brian Asman]

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Brian Asman

I'm Not Even Supposed to Be Here Today Kindle Edition

by Brian Asman (Author) Format: Kindle Edition

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"Sometimes you stop by the convenience store for a slushy and the world just goes straight to hell, and takes you along with it. I haven't had this much fun watching terrible stuff happen in a long time." -Stephen Graham Jones, author of Mongrels

A Bizarro fiction tribute to the Kevin Smith cult classic CLERKS.

After a killer surf session, Scot Kring stops into his local Fasmart for a delicious, icy Slushpuppy. But before he can leave, a homeless guy outside has a stroke and accidentally recites an ancient Latin phrase that summons a very hungry demon, who just so happens to look like filmmaker Kevin Smith.

Now Scot's stuck in a time loop along with the other occupants of the convenience store who may or may not be demonically possessed and he's fighting back with nothing but a fistful of greasy hot dogs and a souvenir Slushpuppy cup as the giant menacing kaiju Kevin Smith threatens to kill them all.

I'm Not Even Supposed to Be Here Today is a demon apocalypse comedy for the slacker generation.

Print length

57 pages
Language

English
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On Kindle Scribe
Publication date

February 27, 2019
File size

1833 KB
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Product details

ASIN ‏ : ‎ B07PC1W4CW
Publisher ‏ : ‎ Eraserhead Press (February 27, 2019)
Publication date ‏ : ‎ February 27, 2019
Language ‏ : ‎ English
File size ‏ : ‎ 1833 KB
Simultaneous device usage ‏ : ‎ Unlimited
Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Not Enabled
Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Sticky notes ‏ : ‎ On Kindle Scribe
Print length ‏ : ‎ 57 pages

Best Sellers Rank: #1,042,483 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- #4,483 in 90-Minute Literature & Fiction Short Reads
- #22,042 in Horror (Kindle Store)
- #43,999 in Horror Literature & Fiction

Customer Reviews:
50 ratings

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Brian Asman

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Brian Asman is the author of I'm Not Even Supposed to Be Here Today from Eraserhead Press, Jailbroke, Nunchuck City, and Man, F*ck This House from Mutated Media. He's recently published short stories in the anthologies Breaking Bizarro, Welcome to the Splatter Club, and Lost Films, and edited the parody anthology Boinking Bizarro. He also writes comics for the anthology series Tales of Horrorgasm.

Based in San Diego, he has an MFA from UCR-Palm Desert and a Halloween VI: The Curse of Michael Myers tattoo. He's represented by Dunham Literary, Inc. Max Booth III is his hype man.

Customer reviews

4.4 out of 5

50 global ratings

5 star		60%
4 star		23%
3 star		14%
2 star		4%
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Ani

A Recipe for Carnage and Comedy

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on April 20, 2020

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Take a half cup of Clerks, a tablespoon of Ghostbusters, a pinch of Ash v. Evil Dead, and a dash Dead Alive, and you get this snarky sendup of contemporary horror classics. Set in a “Fastmart” convenience store, our hero, Scot, is left to literally face his demons on what should have been one of the best days of his life. What sets this novella apart are the unique descriptions of the carnage that unfolds as Scot tries to gain his bearings in the face of a heinous but familiar nemesis: “The strange topography of its flesh, a patchwork of scale and chitin and wiry fur, called to mind a Frankenstein’s monster assembled in the trophy room of some laudanum-addled Victorian-era great white hunter.” Even those not usually in the mood for blood thirsty demons will appreciate this work for its ability to paint a picture that’s gruesome without losing its sense of humor.

One person found this helpful

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Homertax

What if Bill and Ted brought Bruce Campbell's Army of Darkness to San Dimas?

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on August 6, 2019

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This book pretty much answers that kind of question. The setting is wonderfully present-yet-nostalgic, the scene is vivid and the gore is prolific. This is a great and entertaining read for anyone who's

Worked a mundane retail job
Lived in a beach community (on any coast or shore)
Run afoul of the occult
Enjoyed Kevin Smith movies
Grew up in, remember, or wish you had been there for the 90's
Visited a convenience store

2 people found this helpful

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Jen

Good book

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on December 31, 2020

Verified Purchase

Good book. Fun short read. Not as much Kevin Smith as I expected. But creative and fun!

2 people found this helpful

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Kindle Customer

Quick / Fun Read

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on March 21, 2019

Verified Purchase

I remember seeing Clerks back in the mid 90’s for the first time, and saying to myself “That quiet fat dude should have been played by a demon!”

Lo and behold my wish came true! Though now I’ll just have to wait another twenty years for Richard Linkletter’s Slacker vs. Predator.

2 people found this helpful

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Jaclyn Stecker

Loved it

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on May 5, 2019

Verified Purchase

Smart and fun! I couldn’t put it down once I started, I laughed out loud more than a few times and absolutely loved the concept. Asman has a true talent for captivating the audience in just a few sentences.

One person found this helpful

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Kevin Berg

My love for you is like a truck, Berserker.

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on June 7, 2019

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My love for you is ticking clock, Berserker.

2 people found this helpful

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Joshua Malkin

Unlike anything I've read...

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on March 10, 2019

Verified Purchase

A compliment though, truly. Incredibly funny, fast, and unpredictable. The kind of 'ride' I'll undoubtedly want to take again, too.

One person found this helpful

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Ms. Mamatas

Fun!

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on April 26, 2019

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It was a fast fun read!

One person found this helpful

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Thomas Joyce

Thoroughly entertaining

Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on May 13, 2020

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What else would you expect from a book with this crazy cover and synopsis? And he does it so well, bringing together a crazy story line, funny characters and some gory details. There are even some great references to Kevin Smith and his work as well. Not that he hits us over the head with them; they are just enough to convey a fan's true love for the work. And some of the funny dialogue and interactions between characters would be right at home in a View Askewniverse movie. Thoroughly entertaining.

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