Buying Options

Unlimited reading. Over 1 million titles. Learn more
Read and Listen for Free
Digital List Price: $4.99
Kindle Price: $1.99

Save $12.96 (87%)

These promotions will be applied to this item:

Some promotions may be combined; others are not eligible to be combined with other offers. For details, please see the Terms & Conditions associated with these promotions.

Deliver to your Kindle or other device

You've subscribed to ! We will preorder your items within 24 hours of when they become available. When new books are released, we'll charge your default payment method for the lowest price available during the pre-order period.
Update your device or payment method, cancel individual pre-orders or your subscription at
Your Memberships & Subscriptions

Buy for others

Give as a gift or purchase for a team or group.
Learn more

Buying and sending eBooks to others

Select quantity
Buy and send eBooks
Recipients can read on any device

Additional gift options are available when buying one eBook at a time.  Learn more

These ebooks can only be redeemed by recipients in the US. Redemption links and eBooks cannot be resold.

This item has a maximum order quantity limit.

Deliver to your Kindle or other device

Share <Embed>

Download the free Kindle app and start reading Kindle books instantly on your smartphone, tablet, or computer - no Kindle device required. Learn more

Read instantly on your browser with Kindle Cloud Reader.

Using your mobile phone camera - scan the code below and download the Kindle app.

QR code to download the Kindle App

Enter your mobile phone or email address

Processing your request...

By pressing "Send link," you agree to Amazon's Conditions of Use.

You consent to receive an automated text message from or on behalf of Amazon about the Kindle App at your mobile number above. Consent is not a condition of any purchase. Message & data rates may apply.

Loading your book clubs
There was a problem loading your book clubs. Please try again.
Not in a club? Learn more
Amazon book clubs early access

Join or create book clubs

Choose books together

Track your books
Bring your club to Amazon Book Clubs, start a new book club and invite your friends to join, or find a club that’s right for you for free.
The One You Want to Marry (And Other Identities I've Had): A Memoir by [Sophie Santos, Joey Soloway]
Audible Sample

Follow the Author

Something went wrong. Please try your request again later.

The One You Want to Marry (And Other Identities I've Had): A Memoir Kindle Edition

4.1 out of 5 stars 783 ratings

New from Used from
Great on Kindle
Great Experience. Great Value.
iphone with kindle app
Putting our best book forward
Each Great on Kindle book offers a great reading experience, at a better value than print to keep your wallet happy.

Explore your book, then jump right back to where you left off with Page Flip.

View high quality images that let you zoom in to take a closer look.

Enjoy features only possible in digital – start reading right away, carry your library with you, adjust the font, create shareable notes and highlights, and more.

Discover additional details about the events, people, and places in your book, with Wikipedia integration.

Get the free Kindle app: Link to the kindle app page Link to the kindle app page
Enjoy a great reading experience when you borrow the Kindle edition of this book with your Kindle Unlimited membership. Learn more about Great on Kindle, available in select categories.
Due to its large file size, this book may take longer to download
Create your FREE Amazon Business account to save up to 10% with Business-only prices and free shipping. Register today

Editorial Reviews


One of Shondaland’s Best Books of October 2021

“[A] hilarious, identity-affirming memoir…a must read for anyone who has ever struggled to just be.” —Shondaland

“Her breezy tone feels intimate and makes the more serious and somber moments—such as her first comprehension of race (and the term ‘ethnically ambiguous’), her struggles with mental health, and rueful admissions of having mistreated former girlfriends—hit all the harder. LGBTQ millennials are sure to find a kindred spirit, warts and all, in these clever pages.” Publishers Weekly

“Sophie Santos isn’t your average comedian…she details the plot points of her own life—like constant moves due to her dad’s gig in the Army and her stint in pageantry—with hilarious aplomb.” Entertainment Weekly

“Kept me completely enthralled throughout…written in a casual, intensely readable style that reminds me of reading someone’s diary, complete with an uncensored look at every aspect of their life…Santos does not shy away…it’s a story about running from yourself, chasing mirages of who you are, and what happens when you’re finally forced to stand still and face yourself…it’s a messy process, and this book embraces that. I hope that young readers that feel like they’re doing it wrong, who are embarrassed about how long it took them to come out, or who are struggling to get stability in their adult identities, find this book.” Book Riot’s All the Books podcast

“Quite funny. Santos rips through stories that are awkward, painfully relatable or even deeply embarrassing…that frankness helped me keep rooting for her…a story that’s less about coming out and more about finally coming into your own.” —Autostraddle

“Sophie Santos is a surprising and gifted writer, and I’m grateful to her for sharing her many lives with me, and us all, with this terrific debut that made me LAUGH, and then laugh more.” —Matt Rogers, comedian, entertainer, and cohost of the Las Culturistas podcast

“Very honest, very funny, a total delight. The one you want to read.” —Isaac Oliver, author of Intimacy Idiot

From the Publisher

For readers of Phoebe Robinson, Issa Rae, Jessi Klein, and Tina Fey comes a comedic coming-of-age memoir about the ups and downs of finding one’s identity in a world that so often pressures us to fit in.

Sophie Santos, the biracial daughter of a Filipino and Spanish lieutenant colonel in the army and a strong Southern nurse, struggled to belong in her community. Through peewee football, puberty, pageant life, and the University of Alabama sorority sisterhood (where she found herself pledging at a sorority known for attracting girls who were great “wife material”), Sophie tried her best to blend in. But she was the definition of a late bloomer. It wasn’t until years later that she came to embrace her queer identity and discovered her comedic voice onstage.

The One You Want to Marry is a memoir filled with funny, heartbreaking, and, yes, some very cringey moments, and I was charmed by Sophie’s irresistible voice and her inspiring journey. This book is a gift for anyone who has taken the long route to finding their place in the world.

—Laura Van der Veer, Editor

Product details

  • ASIN ‏ : ‎ B08SQX94JT
  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ TOPPLE Books & Little A (October 1, 2021)
  • Publication date ‏ : ‎ October 1, 2021
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • File size ‏ : ‎ 64806 KB
  • Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
  • Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Print length ‏ : ‎ 369 pages
  • Lending ‏ : ‎ Not Enabled
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.1 out of 5 stars 783 ratings

About the author

Follow authors to get new release updates, plus improved recommendations.
Brief content visible, double tap to read full content.
Full content visible, double tap to read brief content.

Sophie Santos is a comedian and writer based in New York. She’s written for TV shows on Bravo and MTV and currently hosts the satirical comedy show The Lesbian Agenda. Her writing has also been featured in McSweeney’s. Sophie has appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live! and MTV News, and she has performed at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe and the Kennedy Center. Follow her on social media for lesbian propaganda. For more information, visit

Customer reviews

4.1 out of 5 stars
4.1 out of 5
783 global ratings

Top reviews from the United States

Reviewed in the United States on September 2, 2021
Verified Purchase
108 people found this helpful
Report abuse
Reviewed in the United States on September 13, 2021
Verified Purchase
16 people found this helpful
Report abuse
Reviewed in the United States on September 2, 2021
Verified Purchase
18 people found this helpful
Report abuse
Reviewed in the United States on September 4, 2021
Verified Purchase
9 people found this helpful
Report abuse
Reviewed in the United States on September 30, 2021
Verified Purchase
5 people found this helpful
Report abuse

Top reviews from other countries

Timothy J Chisholm
2.0 out of 5 stars It's not you It's me..
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on September 22, 2021
Verified Purchase
2 people found this helpful
Report abuse
The Paragon
3.0 out of 5 stars Lacking something
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on September 17, 2021
Verified Purchase
One person found this helpful
Report abuse
Rebecca B
4.0 out of 5 stars Hilarious and honest - a great millennial memoir
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on September 12, 2021
Verified Purchase
One person found this helpful
Report abuse
5.0 out of 5 stars Interesting life
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on October 9, 2021
Verified Purchase
4.0 out of 5 stars Bloody funny
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on September 6, 2021
Verified Purchase