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About Penelope Bloom
*Penelope's newest release, The Ego(maniac), an Enemies-to-Lovers Office Romcom, is live! Don't miss it!*
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Penelope Bloom is a USA Today, Amazon, and Washington Post bestselling author whose books have been translated into over nine languages. Her popular romances include His Banana, My (Mostly) Secret Baby, Her Cherry, Savage, and Punished.
Her writing career started when she left her job as a high school teacher to pursue her dream. She loves taking her imagination for a spin and writing romances she’d want to live. She likes a man with a mind as dirty as sin and a heart of gold he keeps hidden away. Her favorite things include getting to wear socks all day—pants optional—and being a positive example for her girls. Showing her daughters that no dream is too big, no matter what anyone tells them, is worth all the late nights, doubts, and fears that come with being a writer.
Stay connected! For giveaways, goodies, updates, and extras, join the mailing list at https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/a0y7m1. Follow her on Facebook at PenelopeBloomRomance, and check out her website at www.penelope-bloom.com.
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Something is very wrong with my downstairs neighbor.
For starters? She appears completely immune to my charms.
It's odd... Downright suspicious.
But beneath those frowns and pantsuits, I know she feels the connection, too.
Why else would she keep filing noise complaints against me?
It’s like a cry for help. A demand for me to show up at her door…
One look in her barren apartment and I know her job is her life.
The last male to see her bedroom probably had a tail and whiskers.
I can see she needs my skills. Badly.
I happen to have a talent for people — fixing them, persuading them...
Except my past rears its ugly head at the worst time.
Instead of dating my neighbor, now I’m roped into working with her.
But what’s more romantic than a forbidden office fling?
I’ll find a way to solve my secret little issue and make time for my new office mate.
On the clock, off the clock, on her desk, on my desk…
But first, she needs to agree to go on a date with me.
I think her exact words were “absolutely no way.”
No way? There’s always a way.
There's blackmail, bribery, buckets of charm… Maybe all three?
There are a few things you absolutely don’t do in Adrian Terranova’s world.
You don’t question him. You don’t challenge him. You don’t call him by his first name.
You definitely don’t contradict him in front of his entire staff.
Unless you’re me, apparently.
I’d love to say I stood up to the bosshole from hell and walked away unscathed,
but that’d be a lie.
First he got me fired from the job I couldn’t afford to lose. Then he made sure the only position in the city I could get was working as his personal assistant.
He runs his office with iron buns and icy glares. Every day is cloudy with a chance of grumpy. Every moment is a test he expects me to fail, but I’ll happily disappoint him.
They say he’s impossible to please? That he never smiles? Well, I don’t run from challenges. I run into them. And then I make them attend office glitter parties with hot dogs.
Adrian: I won’t break her, but she’s absolutely going to bend. Over my desk, I think. Or maybe the couch in reception?
USA Today bestselling author Penelope Bloom brings a brand new enemies-to-lovers romance where two total opposites fight to deny their perfect chemistry.
Sebastian St. James needed an ego check in the worst way.
So I gave him the tongue lashing to end all tongue lashings.
But he liked it.
Before I knew it, my dress was up to my ears.
He apparently had a tongue lashing of his own to give.
Mission gloriously failed, if you asked me.
We both agreed to part ways like adults. No strings, no attachments.
Except I couldn’t stand that he’d been able to walk away so easily.
So I handled my disappointment like the totally reasonable woman I am.
I attended one of his book signings and threw coffee in his face.
Then I face-planted over a fence trying to outrun his security.
Before I knew it, I was recovering in Sebastian’s mansion.
Then he offered me a job watching his cat and staying in his house.
I wish I could say I stared into his dreamy eyes and told him to bite me.
But I needed the job more than I wanted to admit.
So now I’m bunked with an obnoxiously attractive roommate.
A roommate I somehow want to strangle and straddle at the same time.
But there's nothing to worry about.
He "doesn't do relationships."
Nope. All he does is brood, glower, and boss me around.
But just like everything else in my life, it gets messier.
Who's the father, you ask? I'll give you a hint.
The baby's probably going to come out with cute little horns and a pitchfork.
A full-length enemies-to-lovers, secret baby romance loaded with laugh-out-loud moments, unapologetic wit, and a lovable heroine who would look the devil in the eyes and make him say "please". Will she drag the jaded millionaire kicking and grumbling to his happily ever after?
The third novel in USA Today bestselling author Penelope Bloom’s Anyone But… series sizzles with a sexy and hilarious story about letting go of the past to chase the love of a lifetime.
Seven years ago, I swore I’d never date Nick King. Ever.
Now I’m supposed to work under him—and no, despite the way he glares like he wants to strip me bare, I mean he’ll be my boss. But what better way to prove I’m really over him, right?
I was a nerdy overachiever in high school, and Nick was my hopeless crush. I even laminated a note he passed to me; granted, I had a thing for laminators, but that’s beside the point.
Now, my only shot at getting my life back on track is to crawl to him on my knees and pray I nail the interview. Maybe I should pray that’s the only thing that gets nailed in his office—especially since he looks like he wants to devour me.
Nick broke my heart once. But hey, I’m still pretty handy with a laminator. Maybe I could run my heart through one before I take this job.
The second novel in USA Today bestselling author Penelope Bloom’s Anyone But… series turns up the heat and hilarity with a story about second chances and promises worth breaking.
After Cade King cost me everything, I vowed I’d never fall for him again—even if he became rich and megafamous.
Now he’s back, and he’s still the embodiment of a big, shiny red button. Everybody knows you shouldn’t touch red buttons, but it’s so, so hard to resist.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy it a little when I arrested him for disorderly conduct. Unfortunately, I think Cade liked it a little too. So when he asks for my help raising the son he just found out about, I know exactly what to say: “No, you stupidly sexy red button. I won’t touch you, even to help a cute little kid.” You’re damn right that’s what I said. Mostly.
Still, Cade doesn’t know the first thing about commitment. He lives completely in the moment. I’d need to have a recurring case of amnesia to believe he could change, even for his son. Or me.
From USA Today bestselling author Penelope Bloom comes the first novel in the romantic, sexy, and hilarious Anyone But… series.
Seven years ago, my best friends and I made a promise: No matter what, we would never date one of the King brothers. Even if they grew up to become megafamous, gorgeous, heart-stopping billionaires. Even if they crawled on their knees and begged for forgiveness.
But guess who just flew back into our lives in a private jet? And guess who just showed up to my job on my first day? Richard. King. Fortunately, it takes two seconds for Richard to reveal he hasn’t changed. Conceited. Cocky. Rude. Unfortunately, he’s also the kind of gorgeous that’s borderline offensive—with a jawline to make statues self-conscious and a grin that short-circuits my brain.
He’s spent years taking what he wants. I doubt he’s hungry for anything else—except me, apparently. There’s no way I’ll let him maneuver his way back into my life. My friends would never forgive me. I would never forgive me. But did I mention his jawline?
This 6-book collection includes:
Book 1: His Banana (Top 10 Amazon Bestseller) - My new boss likes rules, but there's one nobody dares to break...
No touching his banana.
Seriously. The guy is like a potassium addict.
Of course, I touched it.
If you want to get technical, I actually put it in my mouth.
I chewed it up, too... I even swallowed.
I know. Bad, bad, girl.
Then I saw him, and believe it or not, choking on a guy's banana does not make the best first impression.
*His Banana now includes a never-before-published bonus scene to conclude the book.
Book 2: Her Cherry (Top 10 Amazon Bestseller) - How’d I meet her?
Well, a gentleman never brags.
Thankfully, I’m no gentleman.
First, I paid for her cherry (pie, but that’s not the point),
Next, I deflowered her.
After that? I left my business card and walked out like I owned the place.
Yeah, you could say we hit it off.
*Her Cherry now includes a never-before-published bonus scene to conclude the book.
Book 3: His Treat (top 10 Amazon Bestseller) - Having a hot boss isn’t complicated or confusing at all,
Said no one ever…
But all I have to do is resist for a few months.
Come January, I’m flying to Paris to chase my dream of being an artist,
Too bad I can’t have my treat and eat it, too.
Book 4: His Package (top 10 Amazon Bestseller) - His package ended up inside my box.
Calm down, perv. My mailbox.
As soon as I saw what was inside,
I knew two things:
It belonged to my hot neighbor, and he had a dirty secret.
Book 5: Her Secret (top 40 Amazon Bestseller) - I’ll admit it. I messed up.
Mistake #1: Asking Peter Barnidge for a job.
Mistake #2: Accepting his offer instead of throwing it in his face like I planned.
Mistake #3: In the interest of stopping before #99, I’ll pretend the only other mistake was withholding one, tiny little nugget of truth during my interview.
Book 6: Her Bush (top 40 Amazon Bestseller) - Everything went wrong when I trimmed his bush.
And no, it’s not what you’re thinking. I’m a professional.
The client hired me to trim a bush in his garden for a party.
I accidentally turned it into something that rhymes with “a big rock and walls”.
Imagine my surprise when the art world decides it’s a masterpiece.
Book 7: Grammy's Story (brand new novella only available in this bundle) - She's kept quiet about the story of her first love for years. But when the opportunity to recount every hilarious, graphic detail of their love to William, Hailey, Bruce, and Natasha comes up, she can't resist. Grammy's story is a quick but sweet and funny story about how she met her first love when she was eighteen and had just moved to Manhattan.
If you love hilariously heartfelt stories with just the right amount of swoon and a little dose of ridiculous for good measure, then clear your calendar. Once you dive in, it's going to be days before you come up for air from this bundle. Scroll up and one-click now!
She’s just temporary. A momentary blip in my life.
Although I have to admit she’s quite attractive, as far as blips go.
She’s also the first person my son has ever actually liked, which has to count for something.
New plan: I will not… let myself get too attached to the nanny.
I’ve always been the kind of man to keep my plans flexible.
Adaptation is key. Just like I’ve had to adapt to having a beautiful woman waiting for me when I get home every night.
Temporarily, of course. My son deserves better than temporary.
And I won’t dangle the prospect of a happy, complete family in front of him when I know the relationship wouldn’t last.
Because beneath the innocent, big doe eyes and the charming awkwardness, the nanny would turn out like the rest.
She’d find some reason to leave. They all did.
So I’ll make one final amendment to the plan. Yes, I may think inappropriate thoughts about the nanny.
I may get attached to the nanny. But I will not fall for the nanny.
And if I do, I will deny it until my cold, dead heart freezes over.
Author’s Note: Get out your safety goggles because this fiery nanny and swoon-worthy single dad are about to collide and the reaction is going to be explosive.
No strings. No attachments. Get in, get out—euphemism intended.
The lesser known second rule?
Make sure your casual hookup isn’t about to become your wedding planner.
Yeah. Long story.
The wedding was going to be a fake. The only catch was nobody could know. Not even my wedding planner.
Now the wedding planner thinks I’m the world’s biggest bastard. She thinks I’m in love with the woman I’m supposed to marry. She thinks a lot of things, but she doesn’t know the truth.
She’s got no idea she’s going to fall for me by the time this thing is over.
She’s got no idea our little hookup wasn’t meaningless. Not to me, at least.
And worst? She thinks she’s safe around me. She thinks I’m off the market, that there can’t be a repeat because there’s someone else.
There’s nobody else. Just her. And ever since the first taste, I knew she was all there’d ever be.
Author’s Note: Don’t run away from the ultimate playboy. He’s ready to fake marry you so hard . She’s sweet and sassy, he’s over the top in everything. They’re a match made in fake marriage history.
Yeah. I apparently missed out on that one.
Because Damon Rose came, and instead of running, I got pregnant.
Yes. I remember Chelsea Cross.
I remember five years ago when she thought she could handle me.
Proving her wrong was… enjoyable.
With hair I wanted to fist. A mouth that only stopped when I kissed it. A body that I needed to press against the nearest wall and claim.
And now she wants a job.
A smart man would say “no”.
Or, I could teach her the same lesson I taught her five years ago.
She can’t even begin to handle me.
Author’s Note: Buckle up for the ultimate grumpy boss in this steamy, workplace romantic comedy with a sassy heroine and a stubborn grump who wants to ruin her day.
I aimed it at a gorgeous stranger and put my address on it.
Yep. You guessed it. I missed and hit a werewolf instead.
Best thing that ever happened to me?
Next thing I knew, a large angrily attractive werewolf man was trying to get in my apartment. I introduced him to my baseball bat and figured that was the end of things.
Because my well-meaning sister became a vampire to cure my immune disorder. Long story. In the process, she got a deadly team of fang bangers to hunt us for breaking their rules. Longer story. A+ for good intentions and a D- for execution, if you ask me.
Re-enter Mr. Grumpy and Growly werewolf. He’s going to be my bodyguard slash kidnapper, whether I like it or not. Apparently, he’s the only thing standing between me and certain death. Swoon, right?
Of course he hates all things vampire. A.K.A. he will take me from undead to dead-dead if he figures out what I’m becoming.
Thankfully, he has completely underestimated my ability to woo him with my adorable innocence, cheery disposition, and extreme powers of modesty.
As long as the feelings stay one-sided, I’ll be fine. Because giving your heart to a guy who is probably going to try to murder you is a recipe for disaster. And come on. When was the last time I made a catastrophic, life-threatening mistake?