Real Vampires Don't Sparkle Audible Audiobook – Unabridged

Amy Fecteau (Author), James Patrick Cronin (Narrator), Audible Studios (Publisher)

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Matheus Taylor didn't ask to be murdered. To be fair, the percentage of people actually asking to be murdered is probably small enough to be safely ignored, but he felt it was worth stating regardless. His life might have been ordinary, but it was his life and he wasn't done with it yet.

Quin didn't care.

A 1,700-year-old Roman, Quintus Livius Saturnius had a different view of morality than most people. Killing Matheus and hijacking his undead existence seemed perfectly acceptable to him.

Now, Matheus spends his nights running for his life, questioning his sexual orientation, and defying a mysterious new threat to the vampires within his city. Not that he set out to do any defying; he just wanted to be left alone. Unfortunately, that was never going to happen.

Volume One of Real Vampires Don't Sparkle

Fans of Real Vampires Don't Sparkle should be sure to check out more titles from Curiosity Quills Press: Sweet Dreams Are Made of Teeth, by Richard Roberts: a fantasy coming-of-age story set in the world of our dreams, where a nightmare learns who he is - and who he loves.

The Devil You Know, by K. H.Koehler: an urban fantasy pulp/mystery series about demons, rogue angels, and a small group of people living in rural northeast Pennsylvania who are caught in the middle of an angelic war.

Listening Length

18 hours and 58 minutes
Author

Amy Fecteau
Narrator

James Patrick Cronin
Audible release date

May 6, 2014
Language

English
Publisher

Audible Studios
ASIN

B00K5WMVQO
Version

Unabridged
Program Type

Audiobook
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Product details

Listening Length	17 hours and 58 minutes
Author	Amy Fecteau
Narrator	James Patrick Cronin
Whispersync for Voice	Ready
Audible.com Release Date	May 06, 2014
Publisher	Audible Studios
Program Type	Audiobook
Version	Unabridged
Language	English
ASIN	B00K5WMVQO
Best Sellers Rank	#244,428 in Audible Books & Originals (See Top 100 in Audible Books & Originals) #3,258 in Urban Fantasy #7,003 in Paranormal Romance (Audible Books & Originals) #7,954 in Classic Literature (Audible Books & Originals)

Customer reviews

5 star		51%
4 star		21%
3 star		19%
2 star		4%
1 star		5%

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Top reviews from the United States

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Elin

#sarcasmlover

Reviewed in the United States on May 31, 2022

Verified Purchase

A book so full of sass and sarcasm it made my little heart soar. The glares are strong, the blood is flowing and nothing about waking up as a vampire is easy.

I had no idea what I walked in to when I started this book, but I'm so happy I found it.
There is nothing better than Matheus and Quin battling it out verbally, while Matheus finds his footing in a new world which he never asked to join.

The books is the epitome of slow burn, and it suits the theme of Matheus's new found attraction to a man. There is no sexy feeding, euphoria for the victim or anything like that. There are a few grand mansions, and just very much dust. Along with an array of emotionally stunted vampires and at times other creatures.

Though for all the love I have for these two characters, I have no idea how someone who lives so long can get captured so easily.

I jumped straight on to the next book after this one because it ends in a cliffhanger

Helpful

Jane

Loved it

Reviewed in the United States on June 25, 2017

Verified Purchase

Oh, wow. I never expected to fall head over heels in love with this book, but I did. It was almost like a love at first sight as I was completely bewitched by the humour and sarcasm in this book. I laughed constantly and I am completely enamored with Quin and Matheus.

This book was narrated by James Patrick Cronin whose voice I couldn't quite get used to at first, but I grew accustomed to it and in the end I actually loved his husky voice.

I think I have never highlighted as much as I did with this one as I have more than 40 highlights (the usual count is less than 5) with witty, sarcastic dialogue that kept making me laugh and enjoy the hell out of this story.

I don't think I have ever loved a vampire story as much as I did this one. It was filled with sarcastic dialogues and there was plenty of action. Throw in a slow burn romance so slow that you get only two small kisses in the entire 17+ hours of listening ... Ah, perfection in my eyes. The tension kept growing and growing between Quin and Matheus (and I expect it to continue in the next books).

I loved how neither Matheus nor Quin were perfect. They had their flaws, but it was quite clear to me from the beginning that they would be great fit. I loved how these vampires actually drunk human blood and occasionally killed some people and well, were vampire-like. I liked how all of the characters interacted with one another and, most of all, I just loved plain loved it.

But what the hell was up with the ending?? It was so abrupt and I was actually rather concerned that my phone broke or I got a faulty file on Audible. Definitely going to continue with the series as I NEED to see more of Quin and Matheus.

5 people found this helpful

Helpful

Great start!

Reviewed in the United States on September 15, 2017

Verified Purchase

***Found another that I forgot to post :/ ***

I found myself between loving this book and liking this book. To elaborate, there were times when reading this story I was so engrossed that time passed without a thought. Meaning adulting was put on hold. Then there were a few times that I felt it was okay to step away to say wash the dishes.

The characters, Matheus and Quin, were a very interesting duo. I don't know if this is what the author intended but this is what I felt. For majority of the book, I would say about 80% of it, I felt like Matheus and Quin were more enemies/acquaintances than anything else. However, as the story progressed from this point there was a scene where I started to see the relationship between them turning into a more positive light.

The thing that binds them is their sarcasm and quick retort towards one another. On top of that Matheus is very cynical. I will say, for me the story really didn't pick up until Matheus was introduced to the other vampires in the area; that when it started to get a bit more interesting.

The author does a really good job with world building. I really like how not all the information is given to the reader upfront; that the author has a time and a place to slowly divulge bits and pieces of information. Especially, about Matheus’ family nor did we know what Quinn was after. So, to be more blunt; be patient because it is worth the wait. Of course, there is a cliffhanger. I can’t say much because spoilers and all. I do hope when all is said and done, Matheus and Quin get their HEA.

2 people found this helpful

Helpful

casrock

Snarky MM Vampire Story

Reviewed in the United States on April 20, 2021

Verified Purchase

Well this was an unexpectedly funny read/listen. James did a great job with this narration and I cannot wait to see what is in store for Matheus and Quin. While their unlikely friendship and codependency starts off on poor terms for Matheus, I believe it is a good thing for him. I was not sure where this story was going, so it was a bit exciting when things just started happening kind of out of the blue and I really want to see where the story goes from here. I really like how Matheus approaches his heightened sexual feelings for Quin and what that may mean. I really like Bianca and Allistair and hope they are in the next books as well. Definitely an interesting read/listen.

Helpful

Kazza - On Top Down Under/Dark Hints Book Reviews

Interesting Start to a Somewhat Darker PNR/UF Series.

Reviewed in the United States on January 26, 2019

Verified Purchase

This was an interesting first book for a series that I ended up reading back-to-back. Not cheap to buy in Aussie dollars either so you could say I was engaged. It could have been trimmed down overall, some of the dialogue and introspection removed, some tighter editing utilised and it would have been a better book for it. Still, it sucked me in enough to read books 1-3 consecutively, over a thousand pages in total, and enjoy it.

Quin's a seventeen-hundred year old vampire who suddenly turns (and claims) a guy who he's had steal something for him. There is no backstory to either of them, it's pretty much straight into the turning. From then on it's Matheus coming to grips with what's happened to him, being pissy about it. Other issues arise, like Matheus' father, a real peach, and a cast of characters that were slowly developed, clearly to lead into the other books.

There is a lot of humour, Quin and Matheus bicker, boy can they bicker, and Matheus can whine, and the book can be bloody - I happen to enjoy bloody and humorous when combined and written well, which it mostly is. There is action but the pacing wasn't as on point as I would have liked.

Further review at the other blog I review at, one for PNR, UF... and more - Dark Hints.

Helpful

Top reviews from other countries

Sgsgsg

I really enjoyed this book

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on October 29, 2015

Verified Purchase

I really enjoyed this book. However I was frustrated that at the end the lead and his vampire didn't get together.... Therefore I bought the second book just to read the ending.

Glyn Bowers

Great .....but

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on June 25, 2015

Verified Purchase

I enjoyed it and couldn't put it down. One criticism the character whines too much at at inappropriate times which is frustrating especially as it usually over some unrelated trivia. Hate to say it but a very feminine trait.

Emma Leigh

Loved it

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on June 18, 2015

Verified Purchase

A twist on the usual vampire stories, good storyline with some interesting twists and lots of hilarious sarcasm & witty comebacks! Highly recommended!

T. McKay

Alright

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on March 15, 2016

Verified Purchase

I quite enjoyed this, but the protagonist was so incredibly annoying, childish and quite frankly unlikeable it kind of ruined the rest of the book. But, that's just my personal opinion. I'm sure a lot of people will like him. I just found him annoying. Also, no idea what his problem was... Quit was good though.

Khatirana

Boring

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on September 19, 2015

Verified Purchase

Just could not get into it and after 3 attempts I've remove it from my device.

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Real Vampires Don't Sparkle Audible Audiobook – Unabridged

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