Top positive review
Don't believe me - listen to Jack Bickham
Reviewed in the United States on December 27, 2017
I like this story. I want to love this story, but after rereading, found I had to take back a star.
Alan was written so green
With dialog so profane and mean
At every point in the plot
an f-bomb he drops
Making readers assume he's thirteen.
It's hard to exceed my profanity quota - I'm a military brat, and Diehard is one of my classic movies
- but Alan reminds me of when the writer belabors a thick Cockney accent, dropping 'haiches', or makes
the Southern character talk with a mouthful of corn-pone. It is narrative laziness, 'use harsh language and
everyone will know it's Alan', and uncalled for - the cha is not even a
sailor, a longshoreman, nor any profession where harsh language would be normal.
But a NASA engineer? (Insert Kurt Russell's comment when he sees the Thing for the first time).
Unless Alan's supposed to be development-arrested, in which case, the main character Jane should run,
not walk, away from him.
Doubt the author cares what a minority of readers think - her works are selling, why should she? To quote
Jack M. Bickham "I have seldom succeeded in convincing (newbie writers) that dirty talk often looks dirtier
on the page than it actually is. I have tried to convince them that strong words...should be saved for story
situations where a strong word is needed to convey strong emotion."
I wouldn't trouble to point this out, if I didn't believe this author has a lot of heart, and, on the whole,
enjoyable stories. I want her to succeed. If it means writing Mr. Yuck-mouth to a dramatic, heroically tragic end,
I wouldn't mind.