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Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't Kindle Edition
Safe People will help you discover why good people can get tangled in bad relationships, how to avoid repeating your own mistakes, and how to pick safe, healthy people for the friends you make and the company you keep.
Too many of us have invested in relationships that have gone wrong. Maybe you've been judged, manipulated, or controlled. Or maybe you've trusted the wrong people in the past. It's easy to make the same mistakes of judgment over and over--or, worse, to give up on trying to have great, authentic relationships again. But it doesn't have to be that way.
In Safe People, Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend teach you that being with an unsafe person can be damaging to your confidence, your trust in others, and even your health. You'll learn that you have the power to surround yourself with accepting, honest, and safe people who draw you closer to being the person God intended you to be.
Drs. Cloud and Townsend, authors of the New York Times bestseller Boundaries, are here to share the lessons they've learned in their years of practicing psychology and studying the patterns and practices that support clear, biblical boundaries. In Safe People, they offer guidance for making safe choices in all of your day-to-day relationships, from family and friends to colleagues and partners.
Safe People will give you the tools you need to recognize what makes people relationally safe, form positive relationships, and even become a safe person along the way. Drs. Cloud and Townsend share expert insights that will help you ask important questions:
- How can I learn to pick better friends?
- Why do I choose people who let me down?
- How did I end up with this critical boss?
- How do I attract irresponsible people?
- Why did I invest money with that unscrupulous person?
- What is it about me that draws the wrong types of people to me?
- Why am I drawn to the wrong types of people?
It's time to revitalize your connections and finally start enjoying the healthy, balanced relationships that you deserve.
From the brand
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
- ASIN : B002AKPG34
- Publisher : Zondervan (May 26, 2009)
- Publication date : May 26, 2009
- Language : English
- File size : 1606 KB
- Simultaneous device usage : Up to 5 simultaneous devices, per publisher limits
- Text-to-Speech : Enabled
- Screen Reader : Supported
- Enhanced typesetting : Enabled
- X-Ray : Enabled
- Word Wise : Enabled
- Print length : 210 pages
- Lending : Not Enabled
- Best Sellers Rank: #100,320 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- Customer Reviews:
About the authors
Reviewed in the United States on February 10, 2021
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Top reviews from the United States
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I also felt like there was a lot of redundancy and same concepts repeating over and over. Maybe because there was two authors involved. They were repeating the same concept over and over again. It’s a great read overall. I recommend it.
For me, what I found helpful, was getting a glimpse at what "normal" or "healthy" should look like. That will sound strange to anyone who is already coming from a healthy background, but probably resonate with anyone who isn't. I often have huge conflict over whether a scenario is a healthy situation or not -- whether I'm the perpetrator, or not. This book helped to provide some clarity and set the stage for building a healthy relationship mentality.
There are drawbacks/limits to this book, however. As some reviewers pointed out, this will not be adequate if you have been in a psychologically abusive relationship. I was in a serious relationship with someone who met the criteria laid out in this book as a "Safe Person" -- in fact, a shining example. And the church I was attending at the time was also a great example of a "Safe Church", and I was connected to people who mostly qualified as "Safe People" -- if one is checking things off the list. However, that man was an abusive liar and the church did not behave safely in the end. There's a part of me that is glad I hadn't read this book while going through that relationship, because I likely would have stayed chained to him much longer and suffered much greater damage. I would have continued to think I was the problem (as he said) and not him, and I would have caved under the pressure of my "friends" and the inaction of the church leadership. So, if you believe you are dealing with something "extra", I would go with your gut and seek out additional guidance.
A lot of the advice in this book feels exhilarating and empowering while reading it, but a few hours later I start thinking through how to actually apply it, and I feel stumped. I don't necessarily think this is a failure on the book -- there is only so much it can answer, and it does make it clear that you must seek God's wisdom and that you may need either group or individual counseling. However, a lot of the stuff seemed to be separated by hairline degrees -- and left me very confused. Especially towards the end, where the emphasis was on keeping relationships/working through them, even though they were "unsafe". Knowing myself and my history, this was really confusing and terrifying.
I would also add that if you have an additional "condition", such as in my case Autism Spectrum Disorder, you will likely not be able to fall back on the same common sense judgements as the book intends you to be able to discern.
Still glad I read it, and I do recommend it.
This book is an eye opener, every person should learn these principles in order to open their eyes and live a more safe and rewarding life!! You cannot be naive in a world surrounded by abusive, controlling, insecure, and self-centered people. At least you should learn who deserves the privilege to be part of your inner circle.-
Dr. Carl lloyd
Top reviews from other countries
As a Christian , I know now that it is ok to avoid , limit or cut off completely some unhealthy people fom my life and still be ok with it.
I highly recommend this book. : )
They make you feel happy, because with safe people it is OK to make mistakes, to admit to them and to learn how to fix them - they help you, and not reject you, if this makes sense.
This book grew my awareness and provided a motivation to became a safe person as well.