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About Seth Kaufman
His first book "The King of Pain," was hailed as "One of 2012's most enjoyable novels" by the New York Times. His 2016 novel, "Nuns with Guns," was called "Literary gold" by radaronline.com.
He is the co-author, with General Robert Spalding, of "Stealth War: How China Took Over While America's Elite Slept," as well two memoirs, "Pitino: My Story," about Hall of Fame basketball coach Rick Pitino, and "Eat My Schwartz," about NFL linemen Geoff and Mitch Schwartz.
His book of humorous music essays, "Metaphysical Graffiti: Rock's Most Mind-Bending Questions," published in 2018 by OR Books, has been hailed as "creative non-fiction writing at its best" in the British press.
He is also the author of "The War Against Boredom," collection of short humor pieces, and the cautionary tale, "If You Give an Architect a Contract."
Kaufman lives in Brooklyn, NY. Before writing books, he worked as a gossip reporter, TV-industry journalist, movie critic, musician and ice cream maker. He was also a bookseller for many years.
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The media often suggest that Russia poses the greatest threat to America's national security, but the real danger lies farther east. While those in power have been distracted and disorderly, China has waged a six-front war on America's economy, military, diplomacy, technology, education, and infrastructure--and they're winning. It's almost too late to undo the shocking, though nearly invisible, victories of the Chinese.
In Stealth War, retired Air Force Brigadier General Robert Spalding reveals China's motives and secret attacks on the West. Chronicling how our leaders have failed to protect us over recent decades, he provides shocking evidence of some of China's most brilliant ploys, including:
• Placing Confucius Institutes in universities across the United States that serve to monitor and control Chinese students on campus and spread communist narratives to unsuspecting American students.
• Offering enormous sums to American experts who create investment funds that funnel technology to China.
• Signing a thirty-year agreement with the US that allows China to share peaceful nuclear technology, ensuring that they have access to American nuclear know-how.
Spalding's concern isn't merely that America could lose its position on the world stage. More urgently, the Chinese Communist Party has a fundamental loathing of the legal protections America grants its people and seeks to create a world without those rights.
Despite all the damage done so far, Spalding shows how it's still possible for the U.S. and the rest of the free world to combat--and win--China's stealth war.
"The year’s best new reality show concept is actually a book... It's as hilarious as it sounds!"—RadarOnLine.com
"Rick is a charismatic antihero bolstered by credible side characters, and in the midst of Kaufman’s sardonic humor, there rings out an earnest outcry for gun reform." — Publisher's Weekly
"10 out of 10...Kaufman has done the impossible: he's turned a foul-mouthed, PR-savvy, manipulative, selfish, and occasionally self-righteous reality show producer into a heroic figure. Highly, highly recommended." — Chicago Center for Literature and Photography
"A hilarious, moving sequel...one of the most relevant, timely novels you’ll read this year."—Downtown Magazine
Out-of-control producer Rick Salter wants to leave reality TV, get married and make movies. But it’s not easy. When a senseless murder touches his life, Rick enlists his pal Sister Rosemarie to make Nuns with Guns, a TV series about four sisters competing to collect the most firearms. Protests and death threats pile up as the nuns travel the country running gun exchanges. Propelled by the show’s spirited stars and crazy stunts — and the shadow of death that looms over every episode — the series becomes a smash hit. As Rick pushes the envelope, trying to save America from itself, a question emerges: Who will save Rick?
Sure to appeal to fans of Carl Hiaasen and Kurt Vonnegut — as well fans of Seth Kaufman’s acclaimed debut novel The King of Pain — this brutally funny book explores deadly national issues by deftly balancing satire with anxiety and insight. The result is a hilarious and harrowing must-read!
"Kaufman's humor and scope in Nuns with Guns is more vibrant than the pure satire of The King of Pain. He's not making fun of America here so much as trying to improve it."—Tom Rayfiel, In Pinelight
"This is a dark, sharp, very funny novel about imprisonment, torture and the dangerous pleasures of stories." --Zoe Heller, Notes on a Scandal
A riotously funny portrait of an out-of-control entertainment mogul and a dazzlingly original look at incarceration, The King of Pain is part George Sanders, part Italo Calvino, part "Entourage," and 100% marvelous.
Rick Salter is a man everybody loves to hate. But that’s fine; in fact, it’s become a way of life for Rick ever since the launch of his outrageous – and outrageously successful – reality TV show about torture, The King of Pain. So when one Saturday morning Rick comes to on his living room floor, he’s not really bothered that cultural critics have put him on top of the list of “people who will hasten the demise of civilization” – no, his real problem is that he appears to be trapped under his gigantic home entertainment system. Which is no longer attached to the wall, but to him. With no phone or BlackBerry within reach, and with his housekeeper Marta off for the weekend, Rick has 48 long hours ahead of him before he can hope for rescue. 48 hours of pain and bad memories. Thank god there’s a book lying around to pass the time. It’s called A History of Prisons and the stories in the book seem to be strangely relevant to Rick’s own predicament.
“Seth Kaufman's novel is a hoot and a boot, a zany, unsettling, satisfying, post post-modern, tragic-comic tour of prisons around the world and pain in the human heart. Start it and you won't stop. If you're a claustrophobe, read it out-of-doors.” --John Darnton, Neanderthal, Almost a Family
"Required reading for any reality TV junkie." --N.Y. Daily News
Here, from Pitino himself, comes the real story of the ongoing case and the hard truth about how college hoops has been pushed to the brink of disaster by greed, bad actors, and shoe company money.
Rick Pitino has spent a lifetime in basketball. He is the recruiting and coaching maestro behind Final Four appearances with three different teams, and National Championships at two of them. He worked the early days of the legendary Five-Star camp and scouted players without the influence of agents, runners, or shoe companies. And he has run today’s recruiting gauntlet of sports apparel marketing, corrupted assistant coaches, unethical youth coaches, and powerful organizations hellbent against him. Rick Pitino has seen it all, dealt with it all, and now tells it all.
Pitino is the story of an epic coaching career and the evolution of NCAA basketball to the multi-billion-dollar enterprise it is today. It is also a master’s course on the arts of coaching and recruiting. And in the telling, the one and only Rick Pitino lays all his cards on the table in addressing scandals of his past and the current headline-grabbing investigation that led a packed Board of Directors at Louisville to derail his career.
Geoff and Mitchell Schwartz are the NFL’s most improbable pair of offensive linemen. They started their football careers late, not playing a down of organized football until they joined their low-key high school program. Despite all that, they wound up at top-tier college programs and became the first Jewish brothers in the league since 1923.
In Eat My Schwartz, Geoff and Mitch talk about the things that have made them the extraordinary people that they are: their close-knit and supportive family, their Jewish faith and traditions, their love of the game and drive for excellence and, last but not least, the food they love to eat, whether at home or on the road. Theirs is an inspiring story not just for every football fan but for everybody wanting to figure out what it takes for dreams to come true—and how to stay well-fed throughout the process.
Metaphysical Graffiti is a book for music fans, humor fans, and, if a meaningful ontological category, fans of philosophy too. It is a provocative, inflammatory, hilarious, but ultimately serious book about the essential questions of rock—Beatles or Stones? What Kind of Air Guitar Do You Play? Does Rush Suck? and, of course, The Meaning of Billy Joel. In a rich mix of original pieces, Kaufman not only examines the essential issues facing all rock fans, but delves into the deeper, metaphysical roots of these questions.
The book's title is a riff on the classic Led Zeppelin album, Physical Graffiti, while the book itself is an innovative, critical work that in many ways mirrors the best rock 'n' roll. Funny, audacious, irreverent, and relentlessly creative, it stretches the parameters of traditional criticism by incorporating short fiction, "Moronic Dialogues," and even a short mini-play, "Godot, The Musical," in order to explore philosophical concepts of Reality, Authenticity, Hype, and, ultimately, the purpose of music criticism itself.
More than a perfect parody of a well-known children's series, If You Give an Architect a Contract is a hilarious cautionary tale about the joyful and nightmarish experience of home renovations. In other words, it's the perfect house-warming gift. Laura Lee Pedersen's slyly comical illustrations bring Seth Kaufman's traumatic comedy to life. Humor and satire abound from the first page to the inspired back-cover quotes. No home--or architecture office--should be without this book.
What the Critics Say:
"As a man who has had renovations done, and has read a lot of children's books, this book somehow assuaged the pain of both."--Joel Stein, Man Made: A Stupid Quest for Masculinity
"A great parody of 'If You Give A Mouse A Cookie' for anyone who has ever tried to have renovations done on their home!"--Jacqueline Woodson, Locomotion
What the Architects Say:
"Why do you think I built my own damn cabin?"--Henry David Thoreau
"Sharp satire with a poetic heart"—The B&N Review
"With lacerating satire, these short stories, riffs, and other insanities will make you laugh...Seth Kaufman is a modern master of comedy."—Karl Wolff, Chicago Center for Literature and Photography
Hilarious and wildly inventive, The War Against Boredom is a welcomed assault on the mind-numbing effects of the modern world. Reverse-engineering obsessions with Big Data, the Internet, movies, coffee shops, pot, spying, rock stars, relationships and sex scandals, Seth Kaufman morphs reality into comedy with 21 short stories and satirical columns. The pieces, two of which originally ran on newyorker.com, are must reads for fans of The Onion and of Kaufman's acclaimed novel The King of Pain.
Notable skirmishes in The War Against Boredom:
• A husband hires a business consultant to help improve his marriage.
• An assistant engineer recalls working with Michael Jackson, Freddie Mercury and a llama.
• An insurance actuary becomes a star by decoding the odds for the Academy Awards.
• A caustic National Security Administration advice columnist answers questions and exposes employees.
• Cheech and Chong reunite over a golden hookah.
• A hardcore techie conducts a bizarre old school search for love in “Segway in Overdrive.”