Okay, so I was super stoked to see Slender Man in theatres. I was set to go! I was READY. Then my coworker asked me to go to a concert, so at the last minute I went to this concert. The concert was fine and all, but I spent the whole show standing on the floor in wedge rainboots. Wedge rainboots are cute and everything, but they're not great for standing for three hours in. So after this concert was over, I took my rainboots off. I know what you're saying. "Royal," you're saying, "what does this story have to do with Slender Man?" I hear you. I'm getting to it.
I took off my rainboots and started to walk with my coworker to the bus station. En route to the bus station, my coworker discovers that the last bus has already left, and then tells me that I am going to "have to hustle" and walk to the next closest bus stop, which is a mile and a half away. So I wound up walking a mile and a half in bare feet across sidewalks and asphalt all over Pittsburgh because of this clown. By the time I got home, I had blisters on the soles of my feet. The goodnight kiss I received from my coworker was not worth blisters on the soles of my feet. Honestly, nothing is worth blisters on the soles of your feet. The worst part about all this was that I couldn't even call him a rude name and holler about blisters on the soles of my feet, because he had diabetic neuropathy and didn't even have toes, so how am I supposed to top that? As you can see, I wished I had stuck with my original plan and seen Slender Man instead. So I rented it and I am so glad I did! It was actually really good. I can't believe all the negative hype I heard about this movie, actually. I like how modern horror movies have integrated modern technology, like teens being on the internet and on their phones, because I think that even though we do those things frequently, they're kind of difficult to tell a story around. All of the main actresses were very good and natural. None of the dialogue seemed forced or corny. A friend gave me a spoiler about the use of like a video call within the story, and made it seem like it was going to be terrible, but it was actually really creepy! I felt like the video call was the modern equivalent of "and the murderer was LISTENING IN ON THE EXTENSION" trope that was so popular when I was younger, and I always found that really terrifying, so it completely worked for me. I really like the mythos of Slender Man, and I remember watching Marble Hornets late at night with friends in my dorm room, so I really enjoyed this movie. And I hate and despise movies, so that is really saying a lot.