This was a page turner. I ate dinner reading, turned off the television and went to bed very late in order to finish it. It is a self-published book, and I can’t often say that about books that have not been through the editing process of a publishing house. In this case, editing would completely ruin the author’s message. His story of childhood sexual abuse (by his mother) and subsequent emotional chaos is vivid, compelling, and raw. He presents a thesis that all opiate addicts are abuse survivors/victims. While this is not a scholarly work and he presents no data other than his own observations and living within the dark world of abuse and addiction, his theory is certainly plausible. I can attest to the fact that of the four individuals I personally know with this horrible disease, all four had very abusive childhoods, or in one case, an early incident of sexual abuse by a brother. I read a review for this work today that said it was repetitive and boring. It is interesting that the word “boring” was used, because Mann uses it a lot to describe the sober world, particularly immediately after rehab, before relapse. His descriptions of how opiates completely cured his anxiety disorder are frustrating, because one thinks, why can’t somebody figure out how to legally medicate effectively to deliver people from debilitating and life-altering panic and anxiety, not to mention depression. Yes, there are many meds that are used today, but for this individual, with his personal physical/chemical issues, this medication made life bearable. He did not pursue drugs/alcohol for entertainment; he self-medicated to forget and to cope.
One theme throughout the book is the abject failure of the War on Drugs. How a city like Camden is allowed to dig its own grave is reprehensible. I also find it interesting that when the heroin scene was Harlem and other black neighborhoods, it was a shame. Now that wealthy neighborhood (not always white, but certainly white collar) are being decimated, we suddenly have a crisis.
The book is divided into segments that each describe a person or event in his life, starting with early childhood and continuing through adolescence into adulthood. It is an ugly, depressing, frustrating, horrific tale. Yes, the repeated relapses got tiresome, but that is the whole point! Over and over again, no matter how much he told himself he would stay clean, he failed. He ended up as one of the society’s disposables, a homeless drug addict in a crumbling cesspool of a city. His adolescence was one of wealth, and his friends were similarly fortunate, and yet the parties and experiences he describes are the stuff of parent nightmares.
His telling of adolescent misadventures is typical of teenage self-centered personalities, and sometimes he whines and always he is the victim. But then, who is more of a victim than a young child sexually abused by a mother? And to add to that horror, the mother was a narcissist, told her child she hated him, encouraged him to commit suicide and spent her life pitting one brother against another. A publishing editor would have shortened these tales, eliminated many, but it is the repetition of bad choices and desperation that let us into the addict’s mind. I believe this book should be on every police academy syllabus, correction officer training guides, and studied by medical/nursing/counseling students. There is no data, no peer reviews, just angst and struggle and hopefully, recovery. This is the kind of book that self-publishing was made for. Hands-off retelling of a shattered life.
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Customer reviews
Mann begins this saga with a thesis: addictive behaviors are caused by severe early childhood trauma. Then he tells his story. The writing is unadulterated and uncensored. The messages, clear and unnerving. There is always a reason; for love, for joy, perhaps success or at least accomplishment, though in his case, he endured incestual sexual abuse, constant berating and humiliation. He chronicles his subsequent debilitating anxiety, a life in constant crisis and the need to find anything or do anything to mute the ever-present wrongfully imposed paradigm that he was less than. It is no wonder he, or anyone who’s endured such trauma and lack of love turns to drugs.Vivid and brave, this is a story of survival. Mann shows addiction as it actually manifests, in particular, opiate addiction, as a perpetual fight, ever-working, like an indentured servant, to maintain a semblance of life after unthinkable, and the continual, ongoing traumas. And, the adage that true love can make all the difference, is real.
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Top reviews from the United States
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Reviewed in the United States on December 28, 2019
Reviewed in the United States on December 10, 2019
Reviewed in the United States on December 9, 2019
Reviewed in the United States on November 23, 2019
Mann begins this saga with a thesis: addictive behaviors are caused by severe early childhood trauma. Then he tells his story. The writing is unadulterated and uncensored. The messages, clear and unnerving. There is always a reason; for love, for joy, perhaps success or at least accomplishment, though in his case, he endured incestual sexual abuse, constant berating and humiliation. He chronicles his subsequent debilitating anxiety, a life in constant crisis and the need to find anything or do anything to mute the ever-present wrongfully imposed paradigm that he was less than. It is no wonder he, or anyone who’s endured such trauma and lack of love turns to drugs.
Vivid and brave, this is a story of survival. Mann shows addiction as it actually manifests, in particular, opiate addiction, as a perpetual fight, ever-working, like an indentured servant, to maintain a semblance of life after unthinkable, and the continual, ongoing traumas. And, the adage that true love can make all the difference, is real.
Vivid and brave, this is a story of survival. Mann shows addiction as it actually manifests, in particular, opiate addiction, as a perpetual fight, ever-working, like an indentured servant, to maintain a semblance of life after unthinkable, and the continual, ongoing traumas. And, the adage that true love can make all the difference, is real.
Images in this review
Reviewed in the United States on April 27, 2022
Top reviews from other countries
Irial Ofarrell
Mesmerising. Couldn’t put the book down
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on August 19, 2021
