Love struck: Be-Aware: Real Prince Charming or smooth talking hot/cold shark
By Lottie Cooper, MA Psychology, Healer
Not the Usual type of review: On the surface: "Surprise Me" is a playful enjoyable romantic comedy, light-hearted, silly, with heart opening scenes, and fun to watch, sometimes predictable. On the DEEPER levels it exposes painful themes that are very important to look at and be aware of.
“Surprise Me!” the movie is a very important movie at this time to help expose the real pain, discomfort, and confusion of being trapped in a relationship with narcissistic and psychopathic tendencies. It’s done in a playful feel-good way on the surface, yet exposes the long-term unhealthy, harmful effects.
Do you ever get pulled in to get pushed away to get pulled in again to love, romance, hormones, highs and lows? Are you getting love-bombed by a charmer who makes you fall in love and then treats you badly?
Watching this movie: can help you learn about this type of person so you can protect yourself and not be fooled by the people around you and help your empathic sensitive friends to be more protective of themselves: This movie shows the confusion, dismissive, gas-lighting, putting down, lying, manipulative, love-bombing, hot-cold-hot-cold, aggressive, charming, alluring, calculating, aloof, immoral, lack of empathy, of someone with narcissistic and psychopathic tendencies. (There are other types and flavors how this can play out, this is just one there are many ways this can look and or feel.) This is usually not talked about or looked at in reviews and movies. The reason the scenes might seem disjointed and could create confusion with the personality of the male boyfriend is because that is psychologically what someone with narcissistic and psychopathic tendencies can do-- they can act like they are giving you everything you need then slowly undermine your sense of well being and you can become deeply insecure, needy, and obsessed (not your fault) and you don't know what happened to your-self. So, there are many short scenes, displaying this ego-ic behavior and the painful consequences to the person receiving them and the impact on the friends who are concerned.
A person with narcissistic/psychopathic tendencies can be calculating every move so you get hooked on them, and they use you energetically for ego supply, and you are wondering why you are becoming unhappy. They can also charm your friends so you feel like you are really going crazy since no-one else sees what is going on. They systematically can play you like a pawn and expand your insecurities and make you addicted to them and then they make you feel like it is your fault; when it is their attitude, lack of remorse, manipulations, partial truths that are doing it. This movie shows this very well. (I am not sharing details so not to ruin the whole movie for you.) You get drawn into the main character’s search for love with someone who she even red flag’s as a player in the first place but gets pulled into his charm and affections.
This movie also exposes challenges with eating dis-orders (the dis-order gets worse with emotionally unavailable people, and better around people who care and support the person in feeling and self-responsibility), and the struggles of learning how to feel and take responsibility of your inner life, and empowerment. “Surprise ME!” also shows the importance of what love, care, and showing up can do for someone. Lots of things are touched in the movie in different amounts. I am grateful that they are touched and exposed more than most movies. There are deep themes here that can be difficult to illustrate and also show the full development of the characters for lack of time on such a complex subjects as narcissistic relationships, eating disorder, and how to take care of them and make a romantic comedy at the same time. They did a very good job for the amount of things that are covered in a mainstream feel good movie. It also shows the tenderness of surprises, joy, and fulfillment from the little and big things we can do.
The movie is playful and has a lot of heart in it. Some scenes might make you laugh and tear up with upliftment for the intentional acts of kindness. On an important heavier yet empowering note: I highly recommend this movie for learning about what to watch for to spot someone with narcissistic and psychopathic tendencies- red flags: and to understand the differences between people who really care about you and your feelings and those who do not.
For any of you reading this, watching this movie might help you see what is in your relationship or your friend’s relationship.
Are you or someone you know in this type of hot-cold, hot-cold relationship that is making you feel confused, exhausted, and slowly taking away your confidence and self – esteem? If you know someone who is with someone with these manipulative tendencies, you can be more aware of what to do, and be more empathic to the person on the receiving end to the game playing and help them get help.
For any of you hurting from this type of relationship: Please get help yourself: from a counselor, pastor, healer, friend, group counseling, 12-step group, books, youtube, lectures on narcissism, psychopathy, those who fall in love with them anyway. Don’t let any shame, confusion, or guilt, or lack of self worth stop you from getting the love, support and care you deserve.
This movie takes you on the roller coaster journey of unhealthy romantic love and healthy romantic love and can show you the strength and self-care it takes to get out of what doesn’t work and get support from those who truly care.
Request and Invitation: 3 times a charm: We learn from repetition: Please take care of yourself, honor your gut knowing, and Get out and or get help to get out of relationships that make you feel bad: some or most or all the time about yourself. At least talk to your friends that you feel something is off and
SUGGESTED Reading HELP:
do some research on books such as:
"Women Who Love Psychopaths" by Sandra Brown et al. or
"Covert Passive-Aggressive Narcissist" by Debbie Mirza or
any books on this topic that you feel drawn to, so you can get the support you need. It's not your fault you that feel you like are going crazy when the other person acts like they are doing ok. I hope this was helpful.
Still Reading? Go enjoy the movie “Surprise Me!” and see how it impacts your life.
With Love and Compassion,
Lottie Cooper, MA (Clinical Somatic Marriage and Family Psychotherapy), Healer, Spiritual Counselor
Founder of InspirationalCounseling.com
"Helping you find more joy in your life."