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The Tao of Fully Feeling: Harvesting Forgiveness out of Blame by [Pete Walker]

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Pete Walker

The Tao of Fully Feeling: Harvesting Forgiveness out of Blame Kindle Edition

by Pete Walker (Author) Format: Kindle Edition

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This book is a handbook for increasing your emotional intelligence. Moreover, if you are a survivor of a dysfunctional family, it is a guide for repairing the damage done to your emotional nature in childhood. As such it is actually a sequel to my later book: Complex PTSD from Surviving To Thriving. The Tao of Fully Feeling focuses primarily on the emotional healing level of trauma recovery. It is a safe handbook for grieving losses of childhood.
Whether or not you are a childhood trauma survivor, this book is a guide to emotional health. The degree of our mental health is often reflected in the degree to which we love and respect ourselves and others in a myriad of different feeling states. Real self-esteem and real intimacy with others depends on the ability to lovingly be there for oneself and others, whether one's feeling experience is pleasant or unpleasant. Those who can only be there for themselves or another during the "good" times show no constancy, inspire little trust, and are only fair weather friends to themselves and others.
Without access to our dysphoric feelings, we are deprived of the most fundamental part of our ability to notice when something is unfair, abusive, or neglectful. Those who cannot feel their sadness often do not know when they are being unfairly excluded, and those who cannot feel their normal angry or fearful responses to abuse, are often in danger of putting up with it without protest.
Repressing our emotions creates anxiety and stress, and stress, like most of our emotions is often treated like some unwanted waste that must be removed. Until all of the emotions are accepted indiscriminately (and acceptance does not imply license to dump emotions irresponsibly or abusively), there can be no wholeness, no real sense of well being, and no solid sense of self esteem.
Thus, while it may be fairly easy to like oneself when feelings of love, happiness or serenity are present, deeper psychological health is seen only in the individual who can maintain a posture of self-compassion and self-respect in the times of emotional hurt that accompany life's inevitable losses, disappointments and unforeseen difficulties.
Finally this book explores the nature and limits of real forgiveness - identifying behaviors and people who cannot authentically be forgiven.

Print length

295 pages
Language

English
Publication date

November 2, 2015
Reading age

13 - 18 years
File size

620 KB
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Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Pete Walker is a licensed marriage and family psychotherapist with degrees in social work and counseling psychology. He has been working as a counselor, lecturer, writer, and group leader for thirty-five years; and as a trainer, supervisor and consultant of other therapists for twenty years. Pete lives and luxuriates in family life with his wife and nine year old son in the San Francisco Bay Area. He enjoys his art work, gardening, hiking, and reading to his son. Pete also holds certificates in supervision from The California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists and from The Psychotherapy Institute in Berkeley. Pete is a general practitioner who specializes in helping adults recovering from growing up in traumatizing families, especially those whose repeated exposure to childhood abuse and/or neglect left them with symptoms of Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD). He has a great deal of recovery from his own CPTSD, and his professional approach is highly enriched by his own forty-year journey of recovering. Petes articles on a multi-modal approach to treating CPTSD have been published in a number of therapy magazines and websites. His therapeutic approach is eclectic and Relational (Intersubjective). He guides the therapeutic process with values that include empathy, vulnerability, authenticity, and mutuality. Petes first book, The Tao of Fully Feeling: Harvesting Forgiveness Out Of Blame, has been acclaimed by many therapists, recovery websites, and clients as a powerful, compassionate, and pragmatic tool for guiding recovery.

--This text refers to the audioCD edition.

Product details

ASIN ‏ : ‎ B017I3NRRO
Publisher ‏ : ‎ Azure Coyote Publishing (November 2, 2015)
Publication date ‏ : ‎ November 2, 2015
Language ‏ : ‎ English
File size ‏ : ‎ 620 KB
Simultaneous device usage ‏ : ‎ Unlimited
Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Print length ‏ : ‎ 295 pages
Lending ‏ : ‎ Enabled

Best Sellers Rank: #86,715 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- #53 in Emotions & Mental Health
- #375 in Emotional Mental Health
- #641 in Health, Fitness & Dieting (Kindle Store)

Customer Reviews:
675 ratings

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Pete Walker

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Pete Walker, M.A., LMFT has a private practice in Berkeley, California. He has been working as a counselor, lecturer, writer and group leader for forty years, and as a trainer, supervisor and consultant of other therapists for 40 years.

Pete specializes in helping adults who were traumatized in childhood, especially those whose repeated exposure to abuse and/or neglect left them with the symptoms of Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder [CPTSD].

Pete's NEWEST BOOK, "Homesteading in the Calm Eye of the Storm: A Therapist Navigates His OWN CPTSD", is a sequel to his best-selling book "Complex PTSD", which is described below. "Homesteading" illustrates the processes of recovering with examples from the author's own recovery process. It is a memoir written in narrative, easy-to-read narrative, that is rich, poignant, funny and full of self-disclosive anecdotes that are sure to help other survivors in their recovery. Many have also said that it greatly reduced their sense of shame and gave them hope and motivation for the journey of recovering. It is written in the spirit of singer/songwriter Brandi Carlile's verse: "You can dance in a hurricane, but only if you're dancing in the eye".

Pete's FIRST BOOK, "The Tao of Fully Feeling: Harvesting Forgiveness Out of Blame", has been acclaimed by many therapists and clients as a powerful, compassionate and pragmatic tool for guiding recovery. It contains practical, in depth guidelines for safely working with the anger and tears of grieving. It also provides a great deal of effective self-reparenting advice. Alice Miller, author of "The Drama of the Gifted Child", wrote: "Pete Walker wrote a book about his own recovery from emotional numbness. The author passionately explores as thoroughly as possible the role of emotions in human life. The result is not only a moving, honest recount but also an informative guide for people who want to become more aware of their buried feelings. Walker's well explained concept of 'reparenting' will help them go through this fascinating process in a safe, protected way."

Pete's SECOND BOOK, "Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving" is a comprehensive, user-friendly, self-help guide to recovering from all the the lingering effects of childhood trauma. It is an overview of the tasks of recovering, and an illumination of the silver linings that can come out of effective recovery work. It is also a map of the recovery process, and contains a great many practical tools and techniques for recovering from CPTSD. It is also richly illustrated with examples of his own and others' journeys of recovering.

"Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving" is also now available in SPANISH from Amazon.com. When you go to Amazon, type in the Spanish title: "TEP COMPLEJO: De Sobrevivir a Prosperar".

"Complex PTSD..." is also available in GERMAN at Amazon, as Posttraumatische Belastungsstörungand

It will also be available in CHINESE by March, 2020, and by the end of 2020 should be available in PORTUGUESE and RUSSIAN. Further info about purchasing these options can be found at the author's website by Googling: "Pete Walker and Complex PTSD", or via email: petewalker@earthlink.net

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Greer Taylor

Life-changing-life-healing book

Reviewed in the United States on October 20, 2017

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This book is not only life changing it is world changing!

I have been in some sort of therapy for 22 years - but I realize I was only maintaining a holding pattern and nothing I ever did would have a chance of really making a difference if I did not understand the truths covered in The The Tao of Fully Feeling. I have also read Pete Walkers Complex CPTSD which is equally life-changing. Each is so powerful. Pete's writing is gentle, thoughtful and deep while he never holds back from the truth - I really value the wonderful quotes that he has sprinkled throughout both books - acting as both capsules for complex ideas and springboards to allow you to dive deeper.

Pete talks about things that society and often therapists are unsure of speaking about from a stance of both fear that the truth is too brutal together with lack of knowledge.

Complex PTSD was only beginning to be written about in the mid-1990 - Judith Herman coined the phrase in her brutally honest book 'Trauma and Recovery'. The idea that emotional neglect, something so unseeable from the outside, could have such a devastating and ongoing effect on the lives of its victims is revelatory. In both Pete Walker's books, he maps out all the things I have struggled with all my life - thinking I must be really defective. The Toa of Fully Feeling in particular really uncovers why I am as I am and it is not the innate me that is this way - I have become this way as a result of the emotional trauma experienced in my early life, reinforced over and over by the patterns my inner parent invented to keep me safe. And now that I have seen the kind of hole I am in can I find a way out of it.

During my years of therapy, I have done the sorts that "expected" you to forgive parents ...but I never could, leaving me in a sea of guilt, assuming I am a bad person. The Toa of Fully Feeling explains that forgiveness only occurs when one places blame where it is due and feels the anger and loss around that. It reminds me that "taking the blame", as victims are trained to do (and is often implied in premature forgiveness practices) exacerbates the trauma. I am learning to place the blame where it is due and not to take the blame for anything that was/is not mine to take - I see it as part of the idea Brene Brown talks about of owning my story completely... if you take the blame for something not yours to own, you make your story a lie! It seems one may well harvest forgiveness out of blame.

Thank you, Pete Walker, for writing this and your other books - they have the capacity to heal the world one person at a time.

131 people found this helpful

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Dennis in Greenwich

The best book I have ever read on supporting YOURSELF!!!

Reviewed in the United States on March 26, 2016

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Pete Walker is the MASTER of helping anyone with childhood issues. If you are not certain why you sometimes feel the way you do - buy this book. If you feel 'low moods' or unexplained anxiety for no apparent reason and you have NO IDEA why - buy this book, if someone in your own family is sometimes struggling with destructive thoughts and actions - buy this book.

If you've had 'therapy' and walked away more confused than EVER - please buy this book.

Pete uses his own experience of dealing with a troublesome life that he finally mastered - and he explains things very clearly and compassionately to you, and for you.

The biggest compliment I can pay to Pete is that I felt he actually knew me and all the problems I had to deal with during my early years. I was always loved, never abused - as such, never beaten up, never locked away in a cellar or tortured, but... there were things that I should have had, like encouragement and praise and understanding that I now realise I did not get enough of in my early years. After reading The Tao, I am now looking after my 'little person' that dwells within all of us, for all of our lives.

Pete also has a web page where he offers advice on all kinds of healing actions.

If anything I have said rings a bell with you, please buy this book - YOU deserve it.

95 people found this helpful

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J. Wagoner

This book is priceless to me.

Reviewed in the United States on February 28, 2019

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I believe this to be one of the best books ever written on becoming emotionally whole. This book was written by a man who has been there as far as dealing with the affects of growing up in an abusive environment and the after-effects of that exposure: C-PTSD. Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Several years ago after suspecting I had acquired this quality due to the difficulty I was having in my attempts to develop and maintain primary relationships, I went to see a therapist to confirm my personal assessment. I was at a level 9 out of 10, and according to my therapist, the same as a women who had been repeatedly raped, a parallel experience I was subjected to as a child due to the repeated sexual abuse inflicted on me from a much older male sibling, and other abuses including neglect, religious abuse and more from my primary caregivers.

What I came to realize was the relationship I really needed to heal is the relationship I have with myself, and this book, along with help from an outside support group, gives me the guidance I need to do that. I'm not going to sugarcoat this; it's difficult, sometimes immensely painful work, but when I experience those moments, and sometimes even days when I feel whole and grounded and in touch with the true self I lost when I went into emotional hiding decades ago, I know it is worth whatever effort I need to apply in relationship to my own recovery. This book focuses on just that, and it's priceless to me.

13 people found this helpful

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Kelp

Best Book on Feeling and Healing EVER

Reviewed in the United States on October 20, 2021

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I have read so many books on healing, as well as going to professionals for the last 15 years, and I feel like I have almost gotten more out of this book only 3 chapters into it. This book is an essential guide to healing. Pete uses layman's terms for easy reading, so it's easy to understand and put into practice in your life. Pete put into words feelings/experiences/thoughts that I had no idea how to describe or express. He makes the process of fully feeling not seem as daunting and alone. I highly suggest reading with a highlighter or pencil because there is so much relevant information in every single paragraph. I am buying a second copy for my friend, and I will continue buying these and give them to people who need them most. Thank you Pete for this amazing contribution to the healing of so many.

4 people found this helpful

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Top reviews from other countries

Andy

Life Changing - Healing Book

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on August 10, 2017

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I recently purchased both of Pete Walker’s books and I’m totally blown away by them! I’ve been working on myself for years trying to deal with issues of childhood trauma and I feel like I’ve discovered a goldmine in these books. Although I always felt like I was somehow experiencing my childhood in my adult world, I ruled out PTSD as I assumed it involved seeing visual images. It turns out that with CPTSD (the C stands for complex) images aren’t normally present. Although I don’t think it’s healthy to get too attached to medical labels, I do feel like these books could have been written for/about me as I relate to so much in them.

Having only just started using the healing processes in the books, it’s early to say how successful they will be but I am already seeing small improvements and am very optimistic. I’ll hopefully update this review further down the line. It feels important to also share that I have been working with spiritual practices for over ten years and although they have helped to some degree, I resonate with the suggestion in Pete’s books that you can’t just meditate the trauma away and that it needs to be felt and processed.

78 people found this helpful

Kindle Customer

Life changing book.

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on September 1, 2019

Verified Purchase

Have to laugh at the reviews saying this book is outdated. I had some reservations of buying it as it was written so long after his second brilliant book 'cptsd' but it is totally relevant and beautifully written. And the person patronising it because of their views on BPD etc is just being extremely negative and I can't see why. The book, as another reviewer said, is filled with great insights and also keeps it relatively light with jokes about such a complex and sometimes very stressful topic. People are people and time doesn't change mental illness/issues. Both his books have done so much for me, they've completely changed my life and led me to more happiness than I have ever felt after a decade of trying to get to the bottom of chronic POCD and anxiety, alcoholism and many other unhealthy patterns. In short, it's superb, highly recommend!

31 people found this helpful

A Reader

minimal practical advice

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on November 7, 2020

Verified Purchase

I am most grateful that I came across Complex PTSD first, as I constantly refer to it for support. And if I had read this first I would not have tried it. I can’t get on with this at all. I have only managed to read a couple of chapters a couple of times before feeling so oppressed I couldn’t continue. My main 'problem' is fear, and it’s barely mentioned. (see Claire Weekes). And there seem to be only brief mentions of what to do about it all (see How we Love by the Yerkovichs. That's full of kindly practical advice, try it on your relationship with yourself. Easy to skip the short religious sections if they don’t suit you.)

6 people found this helpful

Rosie Harper

Answers to Childhood trauma leading to PTSD

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on April 8, 2020

Verified Purchase

Absolutely BRILLIANT book by a man who clearly has all the experience. Contains relevant case studies that are short but can be immediately associated with. Get this book and Pete Walkers other book "Complex PTSD" Both are essential reading to anyone wishing to broadening their knowledge on mental health ,in a gentle process

6 people found this helpful

melanie l.

Perceptive illuminating and life changing

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on September 2, 2018

Verified Purchase

Can I say this is a very life affirming guide to exploring the most difficult secrets of our soul and learning about grieving . Not just fir those who have accepted they had a difficult childhood but fir those who are still in denial this will peel away the mystery and allow you a place to truthfully acknowledge your hurt and see the health of this .

13 people found this helpful

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