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Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married Paperback – September 1, 2010
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About the Author
- Publisher : Northfield Publishing; New edition (September 1, 2010)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 176 pages
- ISBN-10 : 0802481833
- ISBN-13 : 978-0802481832
- Item Weight : 8 ounces
- Dimensions : 5.25 x 0.47 x 8 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #9,581 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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Top reviews from the United States
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WHAT READERS CAN LEARN FROM THIS BOOK
1. Feelings of being "in love" cannot sustain a marriage, since the average life-span of these feelings is about two years. What sustains a marriage is spouses learning to communicate love in the forms that are most received by their partner.
2. We will often develop uncanny similarities to our parents, including their drinking habits, communication patterns, energy levels, and appearance.
3. Resolving marital disagreements without arguing. Truly listening to the other spouse in order to give an adequate summary of his or her perspective. Agreeing to disagree. Learning to compromise.
4. The importance of spouses making effective apologies for wrongdoing. Learning to speak your spouse's language of apology is more effective than just saying you are sorry. The five different ways of apologizing are 1) expressing regret, 2) accepting responsibility, 3) making restitution, 4) genuinely expressing the desire to change your behavior, and 5) requesting forgiveness.
5. Forgiveness is one's decision to offer grace instead of demanding justice.
6. How spouses can agree on doing which household chores.
7. How spouses can most effectively manage their money, and what common major mistakes to avoid, such as purchasing a home they cannot afford, going out to eat too often, buying new cars, and buying too much alcohol. How to live on 80% of your income, give 10% to charity, and save 10%. How couples can agree not to buy something over a certain amount without consulting the other.
8. Resolving common sexual difficulties. Overcoming the myth that husband and wife must reach climax together. A husband should spend sufficient time caressing his wife. A husband participating in household chores will often increase desire in his wife for him. Spouses should only engage in sexual acts they are both comfortable with.
9. How spouses can develop good relationships with their in-laws, by learning to listen empathetically to them, speaking their particular love languages to them, and alternating holidays with them.
10. Spiritual compatibility in marriage has more to do with what each spouse believes in the way God speaks to them and what He has said.
11. How spouses can live with a partner who has very different habits, including Morning person vs. Night person, Optimist vs. Pessimist, Neat vs. Messy, Talker vs. Non-talker, Passive vs. Aggressive, Logical thinkers vs. Intuitive person, and Organizer vs. Spontaneous person.
12. Having a balanced dating relationship by attending to these areas of growth: Intellectual, Emotional, Social, Spiritual, and Physical.
Thank you for inspiring Gary CHAPMAN
My prayer is that anyone aspiring to marry or that is married read this book.
Book content :
- I wish I had known that being in love is not an adequate foundation for building a successful marriage
- I wish I had known that romantic love has two stages
- I wish I had known that the saying : "like mother, like daughter" and "like father, like son" is not a myth
- I wish I had known how to solve disagreements without arguing
- I wish I had known that apologizing is a sign of strength
- I wish I had known that forgiveness is not a feeling
- I wish I had known that toilets are not self-cleaning
- I wish I had known that we needed a plan for handling our money
- I wish I had known that mutual sexual fulfillment is not automatic
- I wish I had known that I was marrying into a family
- I wish I had known that spirituality is not to be equated with "going to church."
- I wish I had known that personality profoundly influences behavior
- I wish I had known the known the priority of developing a healthy dating relationship before marriage
Some believe it's as easy as 1,2,3 as long as there's true love, without understanding the issue that there's Two totally different individuals with different upbringings, beliefs and opinions coming together; being joined in matrimony in the hope of a exciting and prosperous future.
The author argues and proves the concept that Love isn't enough, in which I'm sure individuals already married can testify that it takes commitment, and compromise to keep the marriage boat going. There will be times when you will have to pick up the slack for your partner, excuse their bad days, putting yourself last numerous times.
The fundamental belief incorporated within the pages, is that the reason most marriages fail is due to poor planning and understanding of their partners needs, love language and personality.
While in the "love stage", being on cloud nine, we bypass any indication of conflict because we love everything about our person and only want to make them happy. It's not until we slowly come back to reality that we are exposed to traits that "annoy" us. On how different they are from us, on how their beliefs don't align with ours. The way they wish to raise kids, the type of house they want, how they spend and save money, or the most famous, leaving the toilet seat up when it's supposed to be down.
Things I wish I'd known before we got married is a marriage counselors experience and research over numerous years on now to nurture the marriage many desire.
Top reviews from other countries
It also helps you understand your character more and appreciate those with different character traits - this was my favourite part.
The reflection questions were also great. I would highly recommend this book.
Although I'm not married or even in a relationship, it proved to be a very informative and realistic book in thinking about what we expect from marriage and why those I've observed from both a professional and personal basis have their struggles and sometimes endings!
A 'must' read for couples and singletons as prep for the reality of commitment to marriage.