
Inside you will find a zombear, tweeting aliens, down-on-their-luck vampires, time twisting belly dancers, moon Nazis, stoned computers, omnivorous sex-maniac pandas, and a spell-casting Albert Einstein.
WARNING: Some stories contain R-rated content and are inappropriate for minors, nuns, and anyone who lacks a sense of humor.
Includes the following stories:
“El and Al vs. Himmler’s Horrendous Horde from Hell” by Mike Resnick
“The Alchemist’s Children” by Nathaniel Lee
“Moon Landing” by Lavie Tidhar
“Fight Finale from the Near Future” by James Beamon
“Love Thy Neighbors” by Ken Liu
“The Alien Invasion As Seen In The Twitter Stream of @dweebless” by Jake Kerr
“Dreaming Harry” by Stephanie Burgis
“The Last Dragon Slayer” by Chuck Rothman
“The Real Thing” by Don Sakers
“2001 Revisited via 1969″ by Bruce Golden
“The Working Stiff” by Matt Mikalatos
“Temporal Shimmies” by Jennifer Pelland
“One-Hand Tantra” by Ferrett Steinmetz
“Of Mat and Math” by Anatoly Belilovsky
“Timber!” by Scott Almes
“Go Karts of the Gods” by Michael Kurland
“No Silver Lining” by Zach Shephard
“If You Act Now” by Sergey Lukyanenko
“My Kingdom for a Horse” by Stephen D. Rogers
“First Date” by Jamie Lackey
“All I Want for Christmas” by Siobhan Gallagher
“Venus of Willendorf” by Deborah Walker
“An Unchanted Sword” by Jeff Stehman
“The Day They Repossessed my Zombies” by K.G. Jewell
“The Fifty One Suitors of Princess Jamatpie” by Leah Cypess
“The Secret Life of Sleeping Beauty” by Charity Tahmaseb
“The Velveteen Golem” by David Sklar
“The Worm’s Eye View” by Jody Lynn Nye
“Cake from Mars” by Marko Kloos
Your Memberships & Subscriptions
Inside you will find a zombear, tweeting aliens, down-on-their-luck vampires, time twisting belly dancers, moon Nazis, stoned computers, omnivorous sex-maniac pandas, and a spell-casting Albert Einstein.
WARNING: Some stories contain R-rated content and are inappropriate for minors, nuns, and anyone who lacks a sense of humor.
Includes the following stories:
“El and Al vs. Himmler’s Horrendous Horde from Hell” by Mike Resnick
“The Alchemist’s Children” by Nathaniel Lee
“Moon Landing” by Lavie Tidhar
“Fight Finale from the Near Future” by James Beamon
“Love Thy Neighbors” by Ken Liu
“The Alien Invasion As Seen In The Twitter Stream of @dweebless” by Jake Kerr
“Dreaming Harry” by Stephanie Burgis
“The Last Dragon Slayer” by Chuck Rothman
“The Real Thing” by Don Sakers
“2001 Revisited via 1969″ by Bruce Golden
“The Working Stiff” by Matt Mikalatos
“Temporal Shimmies” by Jennifer Pelland
“One-Hand Tantra” by Ferrett Steinmetz
“Of Mat and Math” by Anatoly Belilovsky
“Timber!” by Scott Almes
“Go Karts of the Gods” by Michael Kurland
“No Silver Lining” by Zach Shephard
“If You Act Now” by Sergey Lukyanenko
“My Kingdom for a Horse” by Stephen D. Rogers
“First Date” by Jamie Lackey
“All I Want for Christmas” by Siobhan Gallagher
“Venus of Willendorf” by Deborah Walker
“An Unchanted Sword” by Jeff Stehman
“The Day They Repossessed my Zombies” by K.G. Jewell
“The Fifty One Suitors of Princess Jamatpie” by Leah Cypess
“The Secret Life of Sleeping Beauty” by Charity Tahmaseb
“The Velveteen Golem” by David Sklar
“The Worm’s Eye View” by Jody Lynn Nye
“Cake from Mars” by Marko Kloos
This is the third annual volume of Unidentified Funny Objects and it contains twenty-three humorous short stories from some of the genre's best-known authors, as well as talented up-and-comers.
These are some of the unlikely characters you will encounter in the pages of this book:
* Hobo Satan
* Vampire novelist
* Traveling robot salesman
* Brain-in-a-jar superhero
* Jinn trapped in a mattress
Featuring stories by:
George R. R. Martin
Neil Gaiman
Andrew Kaye
Caroline M. Yoachim
Esther Friesner
Brent C. Smith
Laura Pearlman
Tim Pratt
Piers Anthony
Ian Creasey
Oliver Buckram
Anaea Lay
Karen Haber
Eric Kaplan
Jody Lynn Nye
Tina Gower
Zach Shephard
Mike Resnick
James Aquilone
Michael J. Martinez
Tina Connolly
Gini Koch
Jonathan Ems
* Aztec Astronauts
* Punster Prophets
* Apocalyptic Apps
* Cantankerous Cryptids
* and the Duck Knight
Fifth annual volume of the Unidentified Funny Objects anthology series features eighteen lighthearted science fiction and fantasy tales from the masters of the genre.
Read about planetary adoptions, secret agent princesses, alien cooking reality shows, rigged elections, magical insurance agents, and much more.
* Cranky Goblin Cooks
* Unscrupulous Chemists
* Lecherous Space Pirates
* Disagreeable Alien Symbiotes
* Soul-Searching Snot Elementals
The Unidentified Funny Objects series serves an annual dose of funny. zany, and unusual science fiction and fantasy stories. All-new fiction from the genre's top voices! Our sixth volume features a Mad Amos story by Alan Dean Foster, a Harry the Book tale by Mike Resnick, and an Alexander Outland short by Gini Koch. Jim Hines reimagines a Game of Thrones with goblins in it, Ken Liu begs a sentient AI to spare him, and Esther Friesner takes us on a tour of Chelm, complete with dragons and gratuitous footnotes. There are also tales of an interdimensional secret agent, a warrior-writer on a quest from an evil god, a necromancer intent on rehabilitating the image of his profession, and many more.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Foreword by Alex Shvartsman
“A Game of Goblins” by Jim C. Hines
“The Breakdown of Parasite/Host Relationship” by Paul R. Hardy
“From This She Makes a Living?” by Esther Friesner
“Twenty-Nine Responses to Inquiries About My Craigslist Post: Alien Spaceship for Sale $200, You Haul” by Tina Connolly
“Tyler the Snot Elemental Scours the Newspaper, Searching for Change” by Zach Shephard
“Agent of Chaos” by Jack Campbell
“Display of Affection” by P. J. Sambeaux
“The Great Manhattan Eat-Off” by Mike Resnick
“An Evil Opportunity Employer” by Lawrence Watt-Evans
“Common Scents” by Jody Lynn Nye
“A Mountain Man and a Cat Walk into a Bar” by Alan Dean Foster
“Lost and Found” by Laura Resnick
“A Crawlspace Full of Prizes” by Bill Ferris
“Return to Sender” by Melissa Mead
“The Friendly Necromancer” by Rod M. Santos
“An Open Letter to the Sentient AI Who Has Announced Its Intention to Take Over the Earth” by Ken Liu
“Approved Expense” by David Vierling
“Alexander Outland: Space Jockey” by Gini Koch
“Dear Joyce” by Langley Hyde
“Impress Me, Then We’ll Talk About the Money” by Tatiana Ivanova (translated from Russian by Alex Shvartsman)
The Unidentified Funny Objects series delivers an annual dose of funny, zany, and unusual science fiction and fantasy stories. All-new fiction from the genre's top voices!
* A long time ago in a galaxy close enough not to violate any copyrights, the clone army fighting for the side of the evil empire is made up of a bunch of bros named Chad.
* Can a couple of wise guys from New Jersey broker a sit down between two groups of warring aliens?
* Witness an epic battle of mad science vs. dark magic.
* US presidents elected in 1860 and 1960 were both assassinated. What's going to happen to whoever's elected in 2060?
* Beware the dragon polite enough to return your drone after it breached the barriers between worlds and bonked him on the snout.
The Unidentified Funny Objects series
delivers an annual dose of funny, zany, and unusual science fiction and
fantasy stories. All-new fiction from the genre's top voices!
* Superheroes mired in government bureaucracy.
* Cat cat-burglars.
* Grandmotherly golems.
* Literal-minded self-driving cars.
* Evil overlords retired in Florida.
* Indifferent aliens.
* Overworked fairies distributing swords.
* Alien yeti slackers
* Elf bakers
* Absconded books
* Superhero dance battles
* Matchmakers ... in spaaace!
This anthology contains the following stories:
“The Hero of Small Things” by Amanda Saville
“Chai Noon” by Esther Friesner
“If Pages Could Blush” by Kyle A. Massa
“The Time Loop Device is Counting Down” by Beth Goder
“Crouching Swan Hidden Polka” by Jim C Hines
“Sgt. Yeti” by Gini Koch
“The Great Beyond Commands” by John Wiswell
“The Second Wish” by James Beamon
“These Three Aliens Walk into a Bar” by Simon R. Green
“Our Most Sincere Apologies to the People of Brazil” by Jane Espenson
“Liability Insurance Policy for Immortals, Cryptids, and Other Magical Beings: Annual Newsletter” by Tina Connolly
“The Shadchen of Venus” by Lavie Tidhar
“Cory Sucks” by Auston Habershaw
“Sunnyside Daycare Employees’ Chat Log, Post Alien Takeover” by Amanda Helms
“Cooking Up Trouble” by C. Flynt
“Right to Remain Silent” by Jody Lynn Nye
“Auntie Elsie’s Compleat Guide to Heartbreak” by Tim Pratt
“The Troll Bridge” by Adam Gaylord
“Do Gumshoes Dream of Electric Sleep” by Dave Vierling
“Hell’s Bureaucracy” by David Hankins
“A Crisis of Fate” by Zach Shephard
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After fifteen years as a music industry journalist Jake Kerr's first published story, "The Old Equations," was nominated for the Nebula Award from the Science Fiction Writers of America and was shortlisted for the Theodore Sturgeon and StorySouth Million Writers awards. His stories have subsequently been published in magazines across the world, broadcast in multiple podcasts, and been published in multiple anthologies and year's best collections.
Kerr is currently developing TV series and feature films for Hollywood.
A graduate of Kenyon College, Kerr studied fiction under Ursula K. Le Guin and Peruvian playwright Alonso Alegria. He lives in Dallas, Texas, with his crazy yet wonderful family.
You can find out more about Jake at www.jakekerr.com.
Nathaniel Lee puts words in various orders, and occasionally receives payment for this. No one has yet explained why. He primarily writes short fiction, and his work can be seen at all of the Escape Artists podcasts (Escape Pod, Podcastle, and Psuedopod), as well as Ideomancer, Orson Scott Card's Intergalactic Medicine Show, Daily Science Fiction, and various other online venues. A full bibliography (and an ever-growing collection of 100-word stories) can be found at www.mirrorshards.org, where he publishes one very short story (almost) every day.
Nathan lives in the southern US, and he is the Assistant/Managing Editor for the Escape Pod and Drabblecast audio fiction magazines, respectively. He owns far too many board games and far too little time to play them all in.
Gini Koch writes the fast, fresh and funny Alien/Katherine "Kitty" Katt series for DAW Books, the Necropolis Enforcement Files series, and the Martian Alliance Chronicles series. Alien in the House, Book 7 in her long-running Alien series, won the RT Book Reviews Reviewer's Choice Award as the Best Futuristic Romance of 2013. As G.J. Koch she writes the Alexander Outland series and she's made the most of multiple personality disorder by writing under a variety of other pen names as well, including Anita Ensal, Jemma Chase, A.E. Stanton, and J.C. Koch. Gini also has short stories featured in a variety of current and upcoming anthologies, writing as Gini Koch, Anita Ensal, and J.C. Koch. Gini can be reached via her website: www.ginikoch.com
Alex Shvartsman is a writer, editor, and translator from Brooklyn, NY. He's the author of The Middling Affliction (Caezik, 2022) and Eridani's Crown (UFO Publishing, 2019) fantasy novels.
Over 120 of his short stories appeared in various magazines and anthologies since 2010, including Analog, Nature, Strange Horizons, etc. He's the winner of the 2014 WSFA Small Press Award for Short Fiction.
He edits the Unidentified Funny Objects series of anthologies and Future Science Fiction Digest. His other projects as editor include The Cackle of Cthulhu (Baen Books), Humanity 2.0 (Arc Manor/Phoenix Pick), Coffee: 14 Caffeinated Tales of the Fantastic (UFO Publishing) and Dark Expanse: Surviving the Collapse (Deorc Enterprises).
You can visit his official home page and blog at alexshvartsman.com