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When Sorry Isn't Enough: Making Things Right with Those You Love Paperback – April 1, 2013
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From the Back Cover
“I said I was sorry!”
Even in the best of relationships, all of us make mistakes. We do and say things we later regret and hurt the people we love most. So we need to make things right. But simply saying you’re sorry is usually not enough.
In this book, #1 New York Times bestselling author Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas unveil new ways to effectively approach and mend fractured relationships. Even better, you’ll discover how meaningful apologies provide the power to make your friendships, family, and marriage stronger than ever before.
When Sorry Isn’t Enough will help you . . .
· Cool down heated arguments
· Offer apologies that are fully accepted
· Rekindle love that has been dimmed by pain
· Restore and strengthen valuable relationships
· Trade in tired excuses for honesty, trust, and joy
This book was previously published as The Five Languages of Apology. Content has been significantly revised and updated.
About the Author
JENNIFER M. THOMAS, Ph.D., is a motivational speaker specializing in the five love languages and communication. She is a business consultant and psychologist. She recently gave a TEDx talk on the two essentials for healthy relationships. Hint: They involve a love tank and forgiveness. She is co-author (with Gary Chapman) of When Sorry Isn't Enough and The Five Languages of Apology. Her books have been translated into fifteen foreign languages and sold hundres of thousands of copies around the world. Jennifer has a doctoral degree in Clinical Psychology from the University of Maryland, as well as a BA in Psychology and Religion from the University of Virginia. Visit her website at www.drjenthomas.com to take a free apology profile and register for her enewsletter.
- Publisher : Northfield Publishing; 1st edition (April 1, 2013)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 176 pages
- ISBN-10 : 0802407048
- ISBN-13 : 978-0802407047
- Item Weight : 8.8 ounces
- Dimensions : 6 x 0.5 x 9 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #12,848 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- Customer Reviews:
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Top reviews from the United States
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This book analyzes apologies and pushes you towards understanding not only the value of a good apology, but how to make sure you're most effective in delivering that apology. To be clear, this isn't a book that teaches you how to lie through an apology and get away with things, but a book that teaches you (with examples) how to deliver a sincere apology and what happens next. It goes through several hangups that may be stopping you from reconciling with loved ones, and is realistic about what to expect after.
Keep in mind that this isn't a silver bullet or a step-by-step guide on how to reconcile, but it certainly gives you a good framework to go from. There's an aspect of self-discovery involved, and even after the apology, this book is clear that you're at the mercy of the recipient of your apology, so no false promises of being forgiven right away (or even at all!).
Now, the less than awesome (at least in my mind). This book assumes some level of Christian faith, and while that's not always a bad thing in moderation, this veers over towards more of a religious counselor style book at times. If you're not Christian, portions of this book that use examples from the Christian texts may bore or just water the point of the story being told down. Ignore the religious aspects and focus on what the moral of the story being told is, and you'll get through it.
This is not a theology book. It's a practical how-to book. You'll find some Scriptures, and it's written from a Christian worldview, but mainly Thomas and Chapman draw on their years of counselling experience. The facts of sin and repentance are already assumed; they're out to tell you how to put that knowledge to practical use. They had a lot of stories with couples, singles, young and old, family and friends, to give a wide scope of how these principles work. I found the life experience aspect a refreshing inclusion.
In some ways this book was a hard, hard read. I have an extremely tender conscience, with an extreme perfectionism streak. This makes it difficult to accept messing up, while at the same time I don't like ignoring what I've done wrong. It is difficult to go through the apology process, but the older I get, the more I want an authentic, growing relationship with Christ and with family and friends. In that sense, it was convicting.
On the other hand, some of it was incredibly healing. The author duo explain that it's not wrong to want justice, as long as you handle that desire righteously. Nor does forgiveness mean that your memory is wiped of the event. Nor should you allow people to manipulate you with poor and insincere apologies.
Nor should you implode and refuse to forgive yourself.
As for the apology languages themselves? Oftentimes the way you give an apology is your personal language. So think of the last one you gave, and what you said--any of the phrases up top ring with you? My apology language is Expressing Regret, with Accepting Responsibility being a close second. (Though in rare cases I feel pretty strongly about Making Restitution.)
I appreciated this teaching, would highly recommend it, and hope to read it again. I think I'll need some time to fully process it; but I was so blessed by When Sorry Isn't Enough, and I hope you will be too.
What we did and how we did it..... my husband and i both agreed to read the his and hers books along with another book called "When Sorry Isn't Enough" ( you each need one of these books.) First we read our books and took notes, not showing the notes to each other till we were ready. We both then read the other his and her books. we took notes. and then shared them with each other. We are stronger than we have ever been.
Top reviews from other countries
Great fir therapists to offer to couples clients and for anyone hoping to find a way through their needs when someone has hurt them or how to apologise with meaning to another person.
Wish I had read a 5 minute summary without the rest. Really disappointing