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The person who is least dependent on the outcome of the relationship will automatically draw the other person in.
Words are not needed to teach a man how to treat you. A little bit of silence or distance will often do the trick.
In general, the mental challenge has to do with whether you expect to be respected. It has to do with how you relate to him. It has to do with whether he knows that you aren't afraid to be without him.
Follow the Author
Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl—A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship Kindle Edition
“A self-help classic.”
“America’s top relationship guide.”
—The Book Tribe
“One of ‘The 10 Most Iconic Relationship Books of the Past Ten Years."
“Men don’t really go for ‘nice.’ They go for ‘interesting.’”
“We’re talking about having so much self-respect, Aretha Franklin would high-five you.”
—Los Angeles Times
“The pejorative meaning of the word ‘bitch’ has been reclaimed... it means a strong, feisty woman who has moxie, and knows when to use it. A bitch is... sap free.”
“[Argov is] talking about a strong woman. Someone who knows what she’s doing in life. Someone who will share the load, but who will stand her ground.”
—Joy Behar, Co-host of The View
“Sherry Argov shows women how to transform a casual relationship into a committed one.”
—The Today Show
“The Best of Culture.”
“A hot book!”
—Fox News Channel
“A must-read at Sunday brunch.”
—New York Daily News
“Why Men Love Bitches flew off the shelves.... Men thrive with women who can set boundaries and who push back when they try to cross the line.”
“An anti-whining manifesto that encourages women who feel like doormats to develop a sense of independence.”
“Ultimately Sherry Argov’s message boils down to one of confidence and self respect, which, let’s face it...it’s the only sane way to go. In short...stay for the sage advice.”
“I highly recommend this book for every strong young woman entering college.”
“This book is my Bible.”
From the Inside Flap
- ASIN : B001CN48VQ
- Publisher : Adams Media; 6th ed. edition (October 1, 2002)
- Publication date : October 1, 2002
- Language : English
- File size : 861 KB
- Text-to-Speech : Enabled
- Screen Reader : Supported
- Enhanced typesetting : Enabled
- X-Ray : Enabled
- Word Wise : Enabled
- Print length : 289 pages
- Lending : Not Enabled
- Best Sellers Rank: #16,243 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- Customer Reviews:
About the author
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Top reviews from the United States
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That being said, the advice for people in long term relationship is garbage. I have been in a relationship for almost 2 years and reading this book almost RUINED EVERYTHING. If you are in a long tern relationship and you are told by a book to 'pull away' emotionally and physically until he sees what he is missing...then you are not in a relationship with a man, you are in a relationship with a BOY. This book should be titled "Why BOYS loves bitches". That would make more sense. If you continually want to play this cat and mouse game with your boyfriend then go for it. But it will leave you exhausted and unfulfilled.
I tried following the 'advice' given in this book and we suffered because 'pulling away' and waiting for him to figure out what's wrong is absolute BS. I felt misunderstood, confused and angry that he couldn't read my mind. Then I realized "I'm an ADULT. This MAN that I am dating is an ADULT. We should be ADULTS and not play juvenile games."
Both men and women deal with conflict differently. To think that ALL men respond to their woman pulling away or disappearing for the weekend is completely unfair. Maybe some BOYS respond to that. Not all men are the same. Not all women are the same.
If I could suggest anything to women in relationships, it would be to read books that place a value on understanding your partner and their communication skills vs a book like this where you punish your partner for them not behaving the way you want them to.
Books like "The 5 Love Languages" and "Insecure in Love" are PHENOMENAL and I can honestly say my relationship is better and stronger after reading them. I now come from a place of respect and we communicate better and really understand where the other is coming from.
If you choose to read this book, fair enough, but this is NOT the Bible on how relationships should work.
This is a lengthy review because that's how much of an impact this book has made for me.
First off, let me start by telling you about me. I'm in my 20s, educated, and have a great career. I always had confidence but I never knew how to bring it out and when I did, I was scared of coming off "too strong," or hurt someone's feeling. This book shifted my mindset completey.
It was 2015 and I had felt like I met the love of my life. He was charming, tall, sunkissed complexion, well established, funny, and not to be served for America - how much more can I get? I pinched myself constantly. As the weeks went by, the curiosity of me finding someone "so perfect" that was single started to dawn on me. I just couldn't believe how so unexpected, I had met "the love of my life."
To ease my curiosity, I repeatedly asked if was seeing someone, whom, after many repeated questions he finally say "Yes. But I met her 2 weeks before you and I just don't know what to do." I felt like my whole world crash down within 2 minutes. I asked him "What is it about her you like?" He mentioned things about her that this book had mentioned, "She has a life of her own, she doesn't need me but wants me and she's just a BITCH. But in a good way - I can't explain it!" At the time I didn't realize why he was drawn to her. I questioned, "A bitch? Who wants to date a bitch? Who wants to date something that doesn't invest time in you?" But when we finally met.. I realized why.
Long story short, I ran out his house crying so hard I lost my balance and hit the floor, on my hands and knees. I looked back to see he wasn't chasing me, but instead shaking his head in disappointment. I went to my car, shut the door, and sat there crying on my steering wheel in broad daylight. After my tears sobered up, I felt angry because I knew this wasn't who I was (to cry over a guy) and how stupid I looked.
I decided to go to a bookstore to read on "self help" books, I was that serious on NEVER EVER crying over a guy. He was my first and my last. I came across this book and what caught my attention was "BITCH". The words of him describing the other girl played in my head over and over - I HAD to read this book.
Within 2 days I finished the book and my life did a complete 180. I must admit today it's still a power struggle but I am no longer that "weak" girl who's "scared" of being confident because it's going to "offend" someone. I am utterly myself with no regrets.
This book isn't about how to get a man (which is honestly why I read it based on the title) but a book of self-empowerment and how to drive that energy into full gear. It was the push I needed to drive my little ego up the wall. It helps mold you into whom you want to be without telling you who you HAVE to be. Don't be that girl that cares about what he thinks, says or do. Don't be that girl that waits 3 hours on a date to find out he stood you up. DON'T BE "THAT" GIRL.
After reading this book I realized the whole time I was "THAT" girl, and the other girl was the BITCH.
I highly recommend this book so much. It's not boring and it's so insightful. It's not the "cliche" advice you hear. It helps you handle difficult situations from relationships to sex to even why he does things.
Remember, men wear the pants, but woman control the zipper :)
Top reviews from other countries
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on April 24, 2020
As a 20 year old female I Couldn’t read any more! Has 1 or 2 self esteem tips but the rest just teaches you to be underhanded and tells us to do the things that we hate in men! If you don’t love your self you can’t expect someone else to love you!
- the first 40-50 pages were quite useful
- pages 50-150 repeated the previous with slight variations and examples
- pages 150-173 were quotes from interviews with Males
- pages 173-193 were about Financial Independence and
- pages 196-212 ("Renewing the Spark") were about refreshing long-term relationships
- from 213-end were just repeats of the headings from previous sections.
The book is very American-centric, and is written in American English.
It’s not a book about being mean to men, it’s a book about self respect and being the woman any man would want. A goddess, a lover, an archetypal feminine woman who respects herself and makes him feel lucky to have her.
This not only helps women but puts men on their best behaviours which ironically makes them better people.
Thank goodness I found this book, I wish this was taught to young girls.
This is a must read for every young woman.
The delivery was perfect and very quick too.
Thank you so much!!!