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Blog postOne of the most common, but flawed reasons people get married is because they feel they are “compatible.” Couples are even encouraged to live together in order to discover this mystery of relationship compatibility. Tragically, 80% of couples who live together before they get married end up in divorce court. How can this be true? Wouldn’t couples who live together before marriage discover problems in the relationship and call things off? Rather than weed out bad relationships, living together
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Blog postImagine that you are out shopping and a man comes walking to- ward you with a video camera and a microphone. He is doing person-on-the-street interviews. The microphone is thrust in your direction and the question is, “In your opinion, what is the purpose of family?” There is an awkward pause. Your mind races for something meaningful to say. Supporting each other. Raising kids. Being a safe place. After a few moments you blurt out, “Love.” Not bad. The man thanks you and moves on to the next
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Blog postIn Hebrews 12:14–15, God tells us, “Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no ‘root of bitterness’ springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled.”
The call here is to “strive for peace with everyone,” and if we are to do that with our family members, we must “see to it . . . that no root of bitterness springs up.” God gives us a planting analogy for relatio -
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Blog postWhen it comes to parenting, sometimes it feels as if just surviving each day is a success. We can get so caught up in the demands of the day, running our crazy family schedules, that we give little or no attention to what is important. Have you ever been on a long hike? It is easy to let your eyes fall to the path, looking only where your next step will land. Visionary Parenting is about just that: vision. As parents, we must lift up our eyes and ask God to show us where we are going, and mor
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Blog postThe COVID-19 pandemic has put extraordinary pressures on marriages and families. I was speaking to a family attorney yesterday who told me that he has received more calls to initiate divorce proceedings in the last three weeks than in the past two years. While we do not know all that God is doing in and through the global crisis, we know He wants to use this time to draw us closer to Him and to strengthen our family relationships.
What will it take to come t -
Blog postSo this morning, title “Visionary Fatherhood” for these 90 minutes. Now, visionary is a central word for us in our ministry. In fact, that’s what our, Amy’s and my, ministry is called, Visionary Family Ministries and the conferences that we do in churches around the country, around the world, visionary parenting, visionary marriage. So this is a word that fits for us. The word, of this word, visionary, it’s not complicated. It means that you’ve got a vision for the future. You’ve
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Blog postOr do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?
Romans 2:4
Family conflicts start very early in life. Ray (9) and Milly (11) were working on cleaning the kitchen together. They began to argue over who would do what job. Ray wanted to wipe the counter. Milly wanted him to clear the table. Milly, as the older sister, shifted into “boss mode” and harshly issued her orders. Rush (5) w -
Blog postForgiveness and reconciliation is a three-phase process, and I will summarize it here. I don’t want you to be overwhelmed. What can be written in just a few pages may take years for the Lord to accomplish. In the chapters ahead, we will consider the small steps God would have us take toward this vision of family healing.
Phase 1: Forgiveness with the will If we are commanded to forgive, then forgiveness must involve a choice. It begins with an act of the will, with obedience to Christ -
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My journey on this principle with my father, parents divorced when I’m 15. My youth pastor starts to walk me through some biblical patterns and biblical principles for forgiveness. I make a choice to forgive my dad, but I still had all this anger and bitterness toward him. So I began to pray God heal my heart of the anger and bitterness I have for my dad. I don’t want his bad behavior to be a ball and chain around my life. So six years later, I was a junior in college. I had th -
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Let me talk to you about another principle for healing family relationships and this is healing through boundaries, healing through boundaries. This is a very deep and complicated subject and I’m only doing 10 minutes on it today, but Romans 12:18 says this, God says, “if possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” What does “if possible” mean? It’s not a trick question. What does if possible mean? If it’s possible translation: it might not be possible to b -
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