Amazon.com: Customer reviews: Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last

Top positive review

If you're debating which book to start with, get them all!

Reviewed in the United States on February 2, 2017

I learned so much about myself and my wife's style of marital conflict through this book. I listened to it on the way too and from work and there are some helpful exercise that you can discuss with your wife. I moved onto the 7 Principles book after, but I do believe this should be a prerequisite. Without first understanding why you both argue the way you do, especially if you have different styles, you won't be as effective at putting the 7 Principles to work. I also found the 7 Principles to build upon the foundation that this book had already created for me. The reinforcement from the 7 Principles has already became identifiable in my life. I found this book to be a little dated at first, but on an optimistic note, people have had the same problems as everyone else generation after generation. If you're teetering on the edge, buy this book, then the 7 Principles.

47 people found this helpful

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Rachel H

Older book, a lot of unnecessary info

Reviewed in the United States on June 10, 2019

Did not realize this book was written so long ago, 1994. There is way too much 'data' and other information in here that takes away from the main messages in the book. Does not capture or keep my attention very well. I read a book called the 5 languages of love, it was extremely easy to get through and it was like a light bulb came on. Every book I've read after that I can always tie back to what was already said in the 5 languages of love. Therefore if you only read one book to help you in your marriage I would recommend the 5 languages of love. It is such a simple concept but it makes so much sense and has already greatly impacted my marriage for the better.

7 people found this helpful

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From the United States

Rachel H

Older book, a lot of unnecessary info

Reviewed in the United States on June 10, 2019

Verified Purchase

7 people found this helpful

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1) too much time is spent bragging to/assuring the reader that the research conducted at Gottman's lab was groundbreaking and am

Reviewed in the United States on February 25, 2017

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It's tough for me to rate this book as three stars, because as a student of families and relationships, John Gottman's research on married couples is a huge piece of how we know how to help people in relationships. After getting the "abbreviated version" of his research in undergraduate classes, I was excited to read the whole, in-depth enchilada. Here were my problems with this book:
1) too much time is spent bragging to/assuring the reader that the research conducted at Gottman's lab was groundbreaking and amazing. The fact is, the vast majority of the couples Gottman studied were white, well-educated, and had economic advantages. He also exclusively studied heterosexual couples. If your demographics deviate from those of his core research participants, this book may be less helpful for you.
2) to an almost laughable degree, women are identified as the "problem starters" in the examples of couples in the book. Escalation in conflict is assumed to be because of physiological (so, basically, unchangeable) attributes of the man and behavioral (controllable) choices of the woman. We know now that the gendered behavior described in this book is far more learned and socialized than genetic and innate, and I believe that future editions of this book should be updated to reflect this evolving knowledge.

With that being said, if you are like the individuals in the couples Gottman studied- predominantly white, well-educated, and financially a-ok- you may find that much of this book rings true, and that you can identify yourself and your marriage amongst the marriage types, "4 horsemen of the apocalypse", and gendered behavior. His advice about how to categorize and navigate conflict is helpful in any conflict, not just marital conflict.

62 people found this helpful

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Elaine71

Good facts but dry.

Reviewed in the United States on June 21, 2018

Verified Purchase

Not an easy read. It has interesting facts but I expected more real concrete examples of what works and what does not work.

One person found this helpful

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ChrisH

Ok book

Reviewed in the United States on December 17, 2012

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This book seems to make a few assumptions about relationships, but overall it has some good ideas. I think with any type of book like this, you need to be willing to accept the fact that you are as wrong as your spouse. It did help.

One person found this helpful

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Philip Wegman

The book is great! The people I purchased the book from were misleading.

Reviewed in the United States on October 8, 2019

Verified Purchase

The book was amazing! The problem I have is the book was damaged, more damaged then was advertised.

Helpful

Scott Lutheran

Helpful Reading

Reviewed in the United States on August 1, 2013

Verified Purchase

This is a good read and helps you think critically about your specific relationship types. I would recommend this book.

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e. snaps

Not bad

Reviewed in the United States on February 19, 2013

Verified Purchase

It's alright. Good advice but it's hard to do the quizzes on the kindle version. It was easy to read and informative. However I was reading it for class so it's alright

Helpful

P. Thomas

WHY MARRIAGES SUCCEED OR FAIL: AND HOW YOU CAN MAKE YOURS LAST

Reviewed in the United States on March 20, 2006

Not as useful as his later work

6 people found this helpful

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From other countries

Lars

Quite good but brief

Reviewed in Sweden on December 13, 2021

Verified Purchase

I can see how this can be helpful to some couples that have become stuck. Also great to read for preventive reasons for individuals. Always stay one step ahead in life.

It is based on real research and the author has a good reputation as far as I have read, so give it a go.

oluwadamilare akinfenwa

Will Recommend

Reviewed in Canada on March 27, 2017

Verified Purchase

Good to read

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Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last

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