Top critical review
Misleading info about BPD; *bad* advice for those around them
Reviewed in the United States on June 21, 2019
Good psychologists will tell you that BPD is essentially an emotional disorder: people with BPD are highly emotional (they feel their emotions very strongly) and suffer from emotional dysregulation and insecure attachment. That is what I've seen everywhere.
This book makes it seem like BPD is a disorder of thinking. They will take sentences like "I need to go out for groceries" and say the BPD person *hears* (literally) "I hate you and am leaving for good." Except that doesn't make sense; if the language-center of the brain were ACTUALLY affected, then the person wouldn't just have problems with speech comprehension, they would have problems with speaking as well. The problem is not with understanding what is SAID. It's with having extremely strong emotions about what is said, which interferes with thinking. (None of us think very well when we're emotional, so obviously this goes even more for those with BPD. But that's a lot different from saying they literally do not understand your words. If that were true, then all of the advice they give wouldn't work ANYWAY.)
So the disorder itself is misrepresented, and it's hard not to get a feeling that they're really slathering on the sympathy for those with BPD in a way that's so distorted as to be excusing of their behavior. BPD is an awful disorder to have, and it causes suffering. But it does no good to misrepresent it to make it seem like people with BPD have absolutely no agency or even the ability to understand simple sentences.
Moreover, part of their advice to the loved ones of BPD is to "detach" while they're literally being abused. I could hardly believe what I was reading. "Detachment" is not a healthy way to deal with emotions. BPD is a very serious disorder, and it requires professional care. IF YOU ARE BEING ABUSED, YOU NEED TO LEAVE THE ABUSIVE SITUATION. You don't need to understand why you're being abused. You don't need to feel bad for your abuser. Once they've gotten professional help, they will probably feel guilty and reach out-- you can choose at that point to make amends and resume your life together (as I did with my sister), or you can choose not to.
We get one life that we know of. Don't waste it in suffering in misery if the person abusing you refuses to get help, *for any reason.*