Top critical review
3.0 out of 5 starsit had promise
Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on March 31, 2020
The author ends the first chapter with a great line:
“But since my wife’s death, I’d learned to not get upset by the things I couldn’t control. Alien invasion would fit into that category.”
This was one of the better proofread novels on the Amazon “free” list. However, I still noticed *many* missing commas/hyphens/contractions as well as run-ons. Much as I wanted to leave a good review, I could only make it through a quarter of the novel before giving up. Here are some examples that frequently jarred me out of the flow.
His main problem was what I will call the vague antecedent.
• My clients’ (of what business/service?) Until 18 percent mark, I had no idea what the main character did for a living or his religion and race until 24 percent.
• To my office (where? Turns out to be a room upstairs)
• When I saw it (with no previous mention of what it was)
• We got there (with no mention of the destination)
• We made it unscathed (with no mention of the destination)
• He never told us Ray had a key ring but uses them later.
• “it’ll be tough to see cars at a complete stop on the road, though we may be able to do it at a really slow pace,” How do you see slowly?
• They hear where another survivor is, but the text never says they’re driving there. In fact, it never actually mentions driving until they arrive.
• a beam shines down from the sky, but it never says where the beam lands relative to their moving truck. He also doesn’t mention stopping the truck.
• What’s your name?” she asked (the main character who she’s actually related to and met). “His name is Carey. He’s my neighbor’s dog
• “we were standing at the entrance to the room,” Four were mentioned, and we have no idea which he is referring to.
Close behind were logic lapses:
• His wife didn’t ask him to save the world in her note, though that’s how he summarized it. (I read it three times to be sure.)
• If someone had already been there and left open the deposit box, why would they relock the outer door?
• Disarm is a poor word choice for “this device,” if as the text says it was created to counter the tractor devices not blow up.
• Why does he suddenly assume a hike across to Jersey when Ray brought a boat and they use it next scene?
• How does one open a locked Trump hotel-room door with no power?
• A quarter of the way through the book, he changes what he calls his wife to Janny.
• People in the US use yards, not meters.
• A dog at the driver’s feet would be sitting on the pedals.
• He never got out of the truck to speak with Mary but gets in again in a few pages
• A ventilation hose for a generator won’t fit through a closed closet door.
