Top positive review
5.0 out of 5 starsA must-read guide for ADHD marriage
Reviewed in the United States on May 5, 2017
I read in an article somewhere that most people who get out of an ADHD marriage wonder how they survived such a "train wreck". I have been married to an ADHD husband for 37 years. And I have an 18 year old ADHD daughter. I feel like I have been through years of train wrecks. It's exhausting. I hired an ADD coach for myself who reminded me I was living with two "aliens". When my husband poo-pooed the coach's suggestions, coach wished me luck with the frustrations to come. I want to separate from my spouse.
I wish I'd had this book 30 years ago. Melissa's story is my story. Exactly. But, I began drinking heavily to deal with the stress and denial of my family members that they had any disorder. Feeling ignored and attacked, that "I was the one with the problem" finally has finished it for me. I had to get to Alcoholics Anonymous seeking recovery help from alcoholism and depression.
Everything Melissa Orlov mentions is spot on. There is work that must be willingly undertaken by both spouses in order for the marriage to survive. My daughter and husband finally agreed to evaluations which recommended taking meds which all the docs agreed they needed. And they love how their meds help them. But they won't do the additional cognitive behavioral piece which absolutely should happen--because this affects me heavily. They don't see the value; they refuse to hear how difficult living with their behavior can be for me.
I hate to say my marriage is done, but I am holding on only until my daughter leaves for college. If you have an ADHD or ADD spouse, read this now and seriously follow Melissa's suggestions. Do the work in loving kindness and with the expectation that you both want the best for each other. Be willing, honest, open to change and help with this neurological disorder. Don't let train wrecks of alienation, affairs, fighting, and resentments rule your life. Sadly, I have come to realize how much happier I am when I am alone, especially for long stretches of time, at peace, living in a way that nurtures and doesn't suck the soul out of me.
