Top positive review
A helping hand, made out of ink and paper.
Reviewed in the United States on June 26, 2018
I've never believed in self-help books, but I found myself feeling alone in my position and was starting to get on my own nerves. I got frustrated with being frustrated, and found this book.
I should have written a review for this book a long time ago. This book helped me with a lot of emotional turmoil and self-doubt, as well as humbled me. It helped me process the fact that I had entered an already once constructed family, which had fallen apart and was healing slowly in two separate broken pieces/homes. The kids are caught between these pieces and they spend every day juggling two different sets of rules and influences. I had entered the kids' house and had to find a way to parent them, while also respecting the life they already had and the life they lead separate from me. This book, and also observing my husband, helped me learn to put myself in the shoes of my kids, as well as the shoes of the ex/their mom. She is my ex wife and the mother of my kids also, even though I never chose her. She will probably always be a part of my life because she is important to the kids. This doesn't mean that we will be friends or that I will ever fully trust her, but I have attempted to create a relationship with her where we respect each other's time and space. And, yes, when it is necessary, we compare notes about the kids. The section about types of behavioral traits in moms helped me with forcing myself to see that she is a person, and that she was behaving in certain ways in an effort to control her own situation. This made me more willing to try to communicate with her constructively.
This book has work book type sections, where you can think about situations. I took a lot of time, writing in the margins and highlighting sections that made me think about my behavior and my situation... and all of the moving parts, and their behavior and situation. This book didn't solve all of my problems- no book can. Healing and improving takes time, making mistakes, learning from your mistakes, a lot of love and work, and being willing to change your own perception of how you think things should be. This book helped me realize that I needed to change some of my perceptions. Being a parent is hard enough, but parenting kids that are influenced by two different households/worlds is a great challenge. It's constant compromise and finding balance. This book challenged and comforted me. I should probably read it again.