Top critical review
I will edit Eidem's books for free if it means we get her stories with proper grammar
Reviewed in the United States on October 6, 2016
Eidem, if you ever want an editor, feel free to send your work to me and I will look it over. Heck, I'll look it over for free, just add me in your Author's Notes with a special asterisk next to it, I don't care, just PLEASE have someone read your work. This book, for a smutty physically-tough-guy-seduces/possesses-mentally-tough-girl-and-they-fall-in-love storyline that we've all seen before, I thought had great potential. I haven't really read any space romance and this sounded really intriguing (and not nearly as weird as other titles I looked into).
What I was not prepared for was the horrible grammar in this book. I constantly stopped reading to stare at my Kindle and think, "What is happening? Is this real life?" Eidem doesn't seem to have any concept of tense. I'm not saying this to be rude--this is meant to be constructive criticism. I have read some BAD books that fail at both grammar and plot, but that's what made Grim so disappointing. The writing constantly switches between past and present tense with no rhyme or reason; pick one and stick with it. Commas are also thrown or deleted willy-nilly throughout the book. The plot sounded great and the characters didn't really piss me off, so everything should go well from there. Then you actually read it...and it's like tripping on a raised sidewalk block.
I've read a few reviews that say we should ignore all the grammar mistakes because of how great the story and characters are or we should appreciate the author's time and hard work. Part of the beauty of creative writing, however, is the actual WRITING. How can you ignore consistent, repeated bad grammar? We're not talking about missing commas or quotation marks, but sentences where you have to work three times harder to read or understand because of missing punctuation or incorrect/inconsistent tense. Just because someone took the time to write a book and post it online doesn't mean we should ignore how it is written. Why can't I appreciate and expect quality from both the plot AND grammar? It would be an insult to writers who take care to review their work and ask others to do the same. Every author deserves to have both held in high standards.
I also saw a couple reviews mention how it sounds like it was translated from another language; and honestly, that is actually an accurate way to describe it. The grammar mistakes are just too weird and repetitive for me to understand the thought process. It's like they wrote it one night with their eyes closed, read it over a couple of times, and stamped "job well done" on it. Albeit a very lucky writing process since I said, I actually really liked the characters and the plot (for the most part, there were some issues). If this was translated, I still won't let the mistakes pass by, because there is no way someone else read this before it was published, unless they are horrible at constructive criticism and said nothing.
I honestly wish I could edit the text, send a copy back to Eidem, and have it re-published. Let me go in there, make a ton of fixes, and everything will be fine. The fact that there are a large number of basic mistakes makes me very disappointed in the author and anyone else who read it before publishing, even reviewers who give high ratings. High ratings and ignoring basic writing mistakes doesn't help the reader whatsoever--challenge them and say, "No, we as readers deserve better and we know you can do better. Wow us!" I don't think there is anything wrong with that.
Another annoying habit that Eidem has is the constant use of italics. I think almost every quotation has at least one italicized word. The constant use of italics makes those words lose their significance. Sit and think about it--how would it sound if people actually spoke like this? It's like everyone is hissing at everyone else.
As for plot, I had a few problems with it, but I won't go into too much detail. (Honestly, the grammar mistakes were so infinite that I was probably too distracted by it to have too many issues with the plot). As with many romance novels, the heroine adapted WAY too well with her surroundings. Yes, I admitted that this is a common romance theme, but come on, we can do better. She lived over a month on an entirely different planet with the clothes she could fit into one bag? Without any complaints? Were they ever washed? I would feel so gross, no matter how many times I "cleansed" myself. I understand that she was keeping a stiff upper lip for her kids, but still, the clothes part alone would have been weird for anyone.
The climax of the story was waaaaaaaayyyyy too drawn out. Holy herald, literally the entire back story of the planet, evil plot, and resolution were all spoken by maybe 5 people for practically the entire ending of the book. It's like reading a boring book and then being forced to have a really boring person tell you everything that happened in that book even though you already know what happens...give us some ACTION, not a monologue.
I don't plan on reading the rest of these books, first of all because I was a little disappointed to see what characters they're about--the plot seems to move backwards and forwards and is kind of random. I also don't think I would be able to make it through another mess of grammar mistakes like Grim did. However, I wish Eidem and her readers good luck in their future endeavors!
And, Eidem, seriously, I will gladly read and review a copy of your work before publishing. Message me and I would be happy to, because I want the best for every book.