Top positive review
Excellent Noodles with Potent Physiological Properties
Reviewed in the United States on January 24, 2016
After seeing many "Korean Fire Noodle" challenges online, I have to admit that I was skeptical. Were the (admittedly pasty and Anglo-Saxon) people in the videos acting for the camera? How could a commercially available food product push grown men into such screeching palsies?
Now I know why. I made my first batch of these only moments after they arrived at my door. After preparing these as directed by the friendly pictograms on the back label (though I should have been warned away by the cartoon chicken holding what appeared to be some sort of warning sign), I sat down at my table to test my mettle against the sad and pathetic people in the videos. I should also note that my Korean wife was sitting next to me with a slightly amused expression (another warning ignored).
My first bite was uneventful. The noodles were firm, with a pleasant texture, and the sauce was flavorful and spicy. After my second and third bites, as my mouth's capsaicin receptors become more and more saturated, things started to change. What was once a nice tingling was now staring to build into something else. After the fifth and sixth bites, my mouth was now a searing pit. Beads of sweat formed on my face as my body's cooling mechanisms kicked in. As I finished the bowl (a feat I still can't believe I accomplished) my mouth was in full panic mode. My heart rate and respiration increased as I became more convinced that I somehow contrived to eat a big bowl of lava.
At this point I was in a sort of pain-fueled hallucinatory trace. I transcended my body, even as I became aware of my hands frenetically fanning my face, mouth agape in a pitiable attempt to dissipate the hellish, pulsating agony. My wife, I should note, was slapping her knees and weeping tears of joy.
Only after 15 minutes, as I lay in a sodden and boneless heap, did the endorphins start trickling into my system. Finally, the maw of flaming sulfur that had been my mouth started to extinguish.The pain began to fade, replaced by a pleasant tingling. After e few more moments, I breathed deeply, shuddered, and was still.
But this was not the end of my journey. A different type of pain began to emerge as the noodles worked their way through my gastrointestinal tract. As the day went on, my innards began to spasm, horrible and groping, as if they were trying desperately to push through my abdomen to freedom, no doubt looking for the nearest basin of water. By the next morning, my agony was inverted, and my normal morning ritual became a fresh excruciation. Fortunately it was a Saturday. Work would not have been an option.
On a side note, my wife also had a bowl and proclaimed them "spicy, but too sweet," and then went about her business. She is made of stronger stuff than I.
In short, the noodles have a nice texture, very spicy, but slightly too sweet. I recommend half of the lava packet. Also be prepared for a least a day of recovery time. Good luck.