Amazon.com: Customer reviews: The Couple's Guide to Thriving with ADHD

Top positive review

great book!

Reviewed in the United States on September 2, 2018

This book is the best I've read on the topic. I'm a psychologist and have read many books about adult ADHD and relationships, but rarely find one that is so informative and easy accessible to someone who is not a mental health professional (as well as being helpful to therapists). I have already recommended this to several patients and will continue to do so.

14 people found this helpful

Top critical review

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Helena Studer

Offers a highly skewed perspective

Reviewed in the United States on June 26, 2020

Authors Orlov and Kohlenberger seem to live in a La La Land of ADHD denial where the worst possible outcomes of the problem behaviors associated with AHHD are some hurt feelings and the occasional inconvenience. The authors seem either unwilling or unable to address the fact that sometimes these behaviors have serious negative consequences for both parties in a relationship.

A lot of the book is spent justifying problem behavior and it strongly discourages any accountability.

Their approach to "resolving" issues is seems to imply that the person with ADHD should be coddled at all times and the utmost care needs to be taken with their feelings, but that the non ADHD person needs to be infinitely patient and understanding and never ever ever be angry hurt frustrated or disappointed no matter how disruptive the other party's behavior is.

The ADHD person is never to be told they are wrong and if the non ADHD person sets any boundaries or limits they are controlling and critical.

A very few insights here and there are helpful but they all rely on the Non ADHD person being totally at the mercy of the whim of the ADHD person.

The book feels very one sided and is very discouraging if your relationship has serious problems that need to be addressed

63 people found this helpful

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From the United States

Helena Studer

Offers a highly skewed perspective

Reviewed in the United States on June 26, 2020

Verified Purchase

63 people found this helpful

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ariane beneli

requires both partners to be willing to give it a shot (and this is the easy part), the ADHD partner to make great effort ...

Reviewed in the United States on May 4, 2016

This is a difficult book to rate for several reasons. I'm the ADHD partner in my relationship and some of the characterizations are very accurate and the suggestions seem to me to be hopeful, at least. My partner, however, became incredibly discouraged when we were reading it and maintained that it made him feel as though a lot of what he though were some of my quirky and unique behaviors are actually symptoms of what he now sees as a grave disability. The book's approach also assumes that it is the male partner, not the female partner, who has ADHD. While Orlov addresses the reasons for this approach it's unfortunate, I guess, when a woman is the one whose ADHD introduces challenges into a relationship.

I'm not sure I have the deftness to express precisely why this is a problem, but I will try. To work through a couple's guide to thriving with ADHD, requires both partners to be willing to give it a shot (and this is the easy part), the ADHD partner to make great effort to monitor him or herself and to undertake often difficult personal change, and the partner without ADHD to be both patient and empathetic, to not pathologize all of the ADHD partner's behaviors and to refrain from seeing setbacks as failures or an unwillingness to change. It's my observation or belief or whatever you want to call it that women are socialized to be more patient and empathetic, that women are often socialized from a young age to take a supportive role with loved ones and family members, and that as a result it's perhaps easier for women to take the steps prescribed for the non-ADHD partner than it is for men. I do not want to suggest that men in general are impatient or lack empathy or are quicker to identify setbacks as failures, but I do think if there were a book specifically for couples where the woman has ADHD and not the man, the typical symptoms would be identified differently and the strategies for addressing the challenges that arise as a result of those symptoms would also be a little different.

287 people found this helpful

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J-dub

Male vs Female ADHD

Reviewed in the United States on September 1, 2015

Verified Purchase

It focused heavily on the male/husband ADHD and I was exploring female/wife ADHD so many of the examples were difficult to follow...seemed a bit stereotypical with males behaving in predisposed ways and females making adjustments.

145 people found this helpful

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R. Lively

great book!

Reviewed in the United States on September 2, 2018

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14 people found this helpful

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Worth your time if you’re a non-ADD person

Reviewed in the United States on September 21, 2020

Verified Purchase

Helps in understanding what your faith in working with someone with ADD/ADHD. Her personal experiences were enlightening.

2 people found this helpful

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C. P.

Sail

Reviewed in the United States on November 11, 2018

Verified Purchase

Highly recommend. This explains most of the problems from my first marriage, and why my second is much happier.

5 people found this helpful

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B. Shore

Very Useful

Reviewed in the United States on October 8, 2019

Verified Purchase

Helped the ADD and Non-ADD Spose to understand eachother better and improve the relationship. Very well written and thoughtful.

2 people found this helpful

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Mike

the right approach for a spouse with ADHD

Reviewed in the United States on February 11, 2021

Verified Purchase

I was little skeptical at the beginning but I was wrong to be. The book is well written, and the authors offers an easy approach to the issues . Very interesting point of views and great suggestions. I suggest the reading of this great book.

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