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Customer reviews

4.6 out of 5 stars
4.6 out of 5
2,482 global ratings
5 star
75%
4 star
15%
3 star
6%
2 star
1%
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2%
I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships

I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships

byMichael S. Sorensen
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Top positive review

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Josh
5.0 out of 5 starsGreat method to improve your life
Reviewed in the United States on June 23, 2018
I have spent a majority of my adult life in the hyper-masculine world of the militray. I have been taught to suppress feeling and emotions to the point where I can literally turn them off like you would a light switch. I identify as emotionally retarded.
Because I was "losing the fight" dealing with personal relationships by just not engaging or fighting so aggressive that the other person would want to quit and escape, I decided to try this.
It wasn't a hard read at all. Almost like it was a written conversation I would have with a friend. And started to try it as I read the book, and by the time I finished the book, I had already gotten a success. It was a simple message that read "I appreciate you trying to work hard on our relationship, I know you are trying and that gives me hope."

Try it, because it has worked for me. I am not the sharpest knife in the drawer. I am older and set in my ways. But it has already helped this old dog learn a new trick that could save me from being a old, grumpy and lonely man down the road.
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804 people found this helpful

Top critical review

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Matt
3.0 out of 5 starsThe Simple Skill: Validation
Reviewed in the United States on December 30, 2017
This book is really simple in its execution of explaining the power of validation, as well as how to do it according to the author's "Four-step Validation method".

I'm reading this with my fiance as we have a few relationships problems and validation is definitely one of them. It's given me a new perspective along with an action plan to make my relationship better. I can say that the skill itself is invaluable for developing. But, personally, I would've liked to see other approaches to validation, especially in terms of conflict.
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75 people found this helpful

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From the United States

Josh
5.0 out of 5 stars Great method to improve your life
Reviewed in the United States on June 23, 2018
Verified Purchase
I have spent a majority of my adult life in the hyper-masculine world of the militray. I have been taught to suppress feeling and emotions to the point where I can literally turn them off like you would a light switch. I identify as emotionally retarded.
Because I was "losing the fight" dealing with personal relationships by just not engaging or fighting so aggressive that the other person would want to quit and escape, I decided to try this.
It wasn't a hard read at all. Almost like it was a written conversation I would have with a friend. And started to try it as I read the book, and by the time I finished the book, I had already gotten a success. It was a simple message that read "I appreciate you trying to work hard on our relationship, I know you are trying and that gives me hope."

Try it, because it has worked for me. I am not the sharpest knife in the drawer. I am older and set in my ways. But it has already helped this old dog learn a new trick that could save me from being a old, grumpy and lonely man down the road.
804 people found this helpful
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Bookworm
5.0 out of 5 stars Charming, straightforward, and useful- what more could you need?
Reviewed in the United States on July 7, 2017
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This was a lovely quick read, and I would highly recommend it. It only took me two days of light reading to finish as the book is refreshingly short. Having studied psychology and being more than a little bit obsessed with all things related to therapy, I have seen this skill practiced in the most effective therapists. On my normal day-to-day interactions with people…not so much.

So take a moment to think about the people that you love being around the most. Why do you love being around them? Obviously they’re awesome. Part of that awesomeness though is derived from the both of you being able for feel heard and cared for by one another. The best and quickest way to achieve that mutual form of love and understanding is through validation. Michael Sorenson uses charming stories to illustrate the overwhelming benefits and concise steps to create a practical approach that you can use in your everyday interactions. After having read it I’ve found myself trying to be more cognizant of times when I have the opportunity to validate a friend or a family member. While it has only been a week, it has certainly been helpful. The best part is that it is incredibly simple too.

Quite a bit of the research utilized in the book is from John Gottman who is world-renowned for his research on relationships and what makes them work. If you are looking for books to read in an effort to improve your interpersonal relationships, whether it’s work, dating, marriage, etc., I would say there are 3 main books/authors to turn to. I Hear You- by Michael Sorenson, Hold Me Tight- by Sue Johnson (leading researcher/ developer of EFT), and The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work- by John Gottman. Combining the information of all three books will really provide the best tools for you to use in your relationships and give you the best results.

There are only two things that I would complain about. 1) I would have loved to see references listed on the back so I could look into some of the studies that were mentioned in greater depth. This isn’t a problem for the average reader, just for people like me who want to dig into the research that was listed. 2) I would have loved more of the author’s insight on self-validation, but maybe we can save that for another book. ;-)

Please enjoy this wonderful book and all the insight it provides. You really will see an improvement once you implement it in your life.

Happy reading!
386 people found this helpful
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Thomas Eichelberger
5.0 out of 5 stars I Hear You not only is an easy read but it's a book that can help YOU ...
Reviewed in the United States on June 13, 2017
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I don't normally write reviews, but I am already halfway through this book and I need to share my thoughts. This book really hits deep to the core. I Hear You not only is an easy read but it's a book that can help YOU personally. I think many of us have heard of the book How to Win Friends & Influence People, which is a great book, but written years ago before smart technology came into our lives. However, now with all the technoIogy its been harder and harder to connect with others. I feel this book has been written for today and the future of creating wonderful relationships. This book teaches some simple skills that can be learned and applied to your own life. I feel like we hear the word communicating, which we think that is just talking with each other. But really it's the successful conveying or sharing of ideas, feelings, and understanding. I think we can all work on our communicating skills. I mean, Who wouldn't want to? I am excited to apply and use these skills to better my own relationships around me. I would definitely recommend this book to anyone! I am actually buying another one for my parents! ha ha ;)
171 people found this helpful
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David
5.0 out of 5 stars Beyond being quite helpful, this book is also very well-written.
Reviewed in the United States on March 1, 2018
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I don't know if I can add anything that hasn't already been said about the content of this book. But I will say that this book is exceptionally well-written. Michael Sorensen says he wondered to himself, "Who am I to write a book?" but he's either naturally gifted or else I want to know the name of his editor. The organization, pacing, and even the length of the book are right-on. His examples are also realistic and clarifying, and he answers questions just as they pop into the reader's head. Writing a good book is not easy, but this "amateur" author nailed it.
96 people found this helpful
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Girl Like You
5.0 out of 5 stars Worth reading---even if you think you already understand how to listen well
Reviewed in the United States on June 18, 2017
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Even for someone familiar with these ideas, reading this book was extremely valuable. I got more out of it than expected. The author did a fantastic job of selecting personal stories and sharing research that brought me from "I understand the concept" to "I understand the impact on my relationships and I'm motivated to change."

I especially appreciated the thought that you can be a wonderful, attentive listener and a terrible empathizer at the same time. I'm guilty of that. I've been really surprised how often this book has come to mind since I read it 3 weeks ago. Almost daily, it's helped me navigate drama at work and it's improving my relationship with my boyfriend. I'm really glad I read it.

THANK YOU for keeping the book short. It was an easy read. Took closer to 90 minutes to finish.
68 people found this helpful
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W. Sparrow
5.0 out of 5 stars Life=changing
Reviewed in the United States on January 21, 2019
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This book will change the way you communicate not only with your other half, but your kids, other family members, co-workers, employees, customers... How do you respond to someone who needs to vent? Someone who needs support or encouragement? Someone who just wants to share a special accomplishment, big or small?

Real communication is a two-way street. Most of us are good at talking about ourselves, but we don't know how to truly *listen* to others. Some people are born with empathy; others need to learn it. When there is empathy in a relationship -- whether personal or professional -- there is connection, there is trust, there is support.

Best self-help book I've read in years. Life-changing.
10 people found this helpful
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Cat Beattie
5.0 out of 5 stars A game changer. Stop repeating yourself and let this book say it for you.
Reviewed in the United States on January 16, 2021
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This book has made THE BIGGEST impact on our relationship. After exhausting myself saying basically EVERYTHING in this book and complaining until I was at my ultimate limit, my husband took it upon himself to actually Google what the heck I’d been going on about. He realized that validation was the issue (duh ;) ) and finally a light went off behind his eyes. He found this book and ordered it. (Did I mention I was at my limit?)

It made such a difference that I read it too. Using these easy validation tools has made my professional relationships better as well as with our kids.
3 people found this helpful
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Gadget Whisperer
5.0 out of 5 stars a must read for todays world
Reviewed in the United States on February 2, 2022
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This is a must read for today's world where social media and people talking past each other happens far too often… I was most impressed by the practical and immediate skills that I learned reading this book. Applying the easy techniques has already made a positive change in my relationships both personal and professional. I can honestly say this is a highly recommended approach to improving all your communications and building stronger relationships.
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Leticia
5.0 out of 5 stars Validation is amazing
Reviewed in the United States on August 6, 2021
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I’m not sure exactly how I developed a way to validate others. I think it’s just wishing what I want done for me. I was really drawn near the end of the book, when recognizing when you need validation yourself. I wish there was a little more Insight or questions to ask oneself to figure out if it really is validation you seek. Why can’t ones’ own validation be enough? Is others’ validation really necessary? Thank you for this mind opening read. It has helped me figure out what steps I can employ and what I need to sharpen up.
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Daniel J Larsen
5.0 out of 5 stars easy read, great advice
Reviewed in the United States on March 3, 2022
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While reading this book I found myself often putting the advice into practice and found more and more success with doing so. Especially as I progressed through the book itself. It’s a relatively short read and offers good insight into validation and why it’s so important.
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