Top positive review
Great Fantasy Book, Good Legal Thrills, Too Much “Fluff”
Reviewed in the United States on January 1, 2020
I really liked the first book, and here’s the “but”: There is too much “man s’plainin” before, during and after the legal thrills and action bits.
I managed to skip 5 chapters just to see if I lost any of the story thread... Nope.
By the end of chapter 19, I had all the detail I needed to finish the book. And I still “fast-forwarded” through a lot of the extraneous and overly wrought internal dialog and exhaustingly described settings that slowed down the action and thrills. As my mother always told me, “Show, don’t tell” meaning, find a way to describe the action quickly with as few words and descriptions as possible. Dialog and action are a thriller’s best friends.
In the 1st book, all the #Joking was corny, but likable, and the explanations were warranted because that was the first book in what looks like a good series. Don’t overuse the #Joking, because it will get boring... keep it tight and spring it on us when we’d least expect it.
However, I can’t tell you how to write your books, Jason Rose, all I can do is ask that you tighten up the text and save all the extra words for a index of terms, or drop them by the wayside altogether.
One other thing: I read your author bio and I really do appreciate your background knowledge... but, you don’t need to write so much detail into a novel like this — save it for the court. Let us, your readers, use some of our imagination to fill in the gaps.
The legal stuff is great! Don’t ever leave those details out.
The supernatural monster stuff is very well thought out and quite imaginative.
But after reading the first book, “The Knight Advocate”, I feel that I understand the Colt Valentine character... you don’t have to beat a dead horse with it. (You used the same insecurities, doubts and nearly identical inner dialog in this book, too... over and over and over and over again. Give us a break!)
Besides, the more details you leave out and refer to it as being in other “stories”, the more your readers will be willing to shell out the bucks to buy one of your other tomes...
I wanted to set this at 3.5 Stars, but I don’t have that option. I also want to read the next book — I really hope you have time to complete it while working and raising a family. Please, please, however, figure out how to “trim the fat” or “cut out the dead wood” and you’ll save yourself some valuable writing time for the next book.
I don’t know if you’ve ever read “The Dresden Files” by Jim Butcher, but I find your concepts very similar — a modern-day paladin with super powers. He has the added benefit of years of writing experience, but sometimes, even Jim gets a little overly wordy, probably because he thinks his readers need to understand the minutiae of the world he has created. But we don’t — most of us can fill in the gaps and vagaries of our favorite authors without humongous amounts of extra words.
Good luck to you and I will be looking for your next book in 2020. Just keep it tight.