Top critical review
Awkwardly shaped pants for apples with toothpick legs.
Reviewed in the United States on January 5, 2019
I ordered these as on the surface they sounded like exactly what I was looking for. Ventilation, zippered pockets, phone holster.
Sadly when I got them before I even got them out of the bag, I knew I was facing a pair of fail-pants. On the surface of the bag was the dreaded word, “SKINNY”. As of right now the word SKINNY never appears in the product description or name of the pant. But there it was in 10pt text the shipping bag.
Now allow me to explain why this word is evil to me. I run. I workout. This means my thighs and calves are tree-trunkish. Not like some comic book superhero, but enough that skinny pants fit on me like the casing on a sausage. Furthermore being north of forty, I’m just not willing to expose the world to me walking around looking like a kielbasa.
Well, I opened the bag all the same. The material was nice. I liked the stitching detail. The venting mesh on the legs and above the butt was really nice. The zip pockets were a reasonable size (apparently something hard for most clothing manufacturers). The phone holster was a bit small for my iPhone X with cover.
Then I put them on.
In the photo, they look like the fit nice and loose in the leg. A comfortable fit across the hips and waist. Apparently the model in the photo is a mutant. Unless you suffer from malnutrition or horrific muscle atrophy there is no way these pants don’t stick to you like paint.
Well, I got them on and it was like putting on compression pants through the legs. My wife has leggings that have a looser fit than these things. But above the legs something strange happened. All the material I wanted in the legs was there. It just wasn’t where it needed to be. There waist, supposedly elastic, was loose about my hips. There were yards of material (well inches) ballooning above my thighs. The loose elastic couldn’t hold up the surplus cloth.
I have a 36” waist, the larges (what I had in hand) should fit me. They didn’t. I can’t imagine what morphology these are meant to fit, perhaps and apple or potato with two toothpicks or coffee stirrers stuck in it for legs.
Hopefully reading my review will save someone else from having to buy and return these.