Reviewed in the United States on December 28, 2021
After 27 years of being married to an adult male on the Spectrum, and having two Adult children of my own, and 1 Stepchild ALL on the spectrum…. all 3 adults, there is finally someone with the courage to speak out from a place of reality to depict EXACTLY the different types of lives and abuse The Neurotypical’s suffer from living with their Neurodiverse/ Autistic Partners!!! GOD Bless you Dr Pnina Arad! You are one of my hero’s!!!
Anybody living Married to someone on the Autism Spectrum should read this AWESOME book! It gives you facts, studies, insight, hindsight, foresight, scientific data, and actual individual accounts from Neurotypical woman just like you!!! It is extremely VALIDATING and precise. There has never been an truer account and factual exposure to our lives and experience with an adult partner on the Autism Spectrum! It touches on EVERY area of our world. Even areas we didn’t know about.
Many may not know unless they have tried: It is extremely difficult to get a book you write on this very SUBJECT published in America. A book that describes our tormented reality. And often sadly, the tormented lives of our children. We ourselves have had decades of being robbed of our voices, our health, our minds… even our souls as sadly, some of us don’t make it. . And not even a Dr. Phil or Oprah Show to touch on our plight or to do a just series on this area of silent abuse and soul crushing experiences. Because 1 episode could not cover it. It would have to be 50 episodes OR MORE. There are millions upon millions of us all over the world because High Function Autism doesn’t have any geographical boundaries. Many of the books that we do have are screened for shelf worthiness, and the sensitive data of speaking the truth about living with adults on the Autism Spectrum that you are married to doesn’t get stocked. The author can’t come right out and speak the absolute blatant truth, because of the repercussions….. BUT THIS ONE DOES!!!!.
Until now the Radical Autism Supporters will do EVERYTHING in their power to stop any of their negative effects information they have on their spouses to be exposed . Typically, if you want to publish a book of the true life and effects of living with someone ( an adult) on the Autism spectrum you have to go to the UK or another Country to publish it. And if you do publish you have to pay for all of the expenses because the majority of publishers won’t touch it. Often the book stores won’t even stock it.
Dr Tony Attwood used to do Conferences to speak on our ( the a Neurotypical spouses’) behalf in America. He is one of the world leading specialist on what he called Aspergers until they changed the name. He is from England, but lives in Brisbane Australia. I have been to a few of his Conferences abroad. He was brought in by our True Neurotypical Hero Karen Rodman ( of Faaas.org click testimonials on the top blue bar to find your story, and read her incredibly accurate information to educate yourself. I believe she was married to someone on the Spectrum for 40+ years) . Karen has been educating the public and anyone else who will listen , and even to people who don’t want to listen since the early 1990’s. She has been given multiple death threats over the decades as have the professional people who try to help fight for our cause. The Radical Autism Supporters try to ruin their lives to keep them quiet. Often they succeed. Dr. Tony Attwood stated facts at our 3 or 4 American Conferences he lectured at like, ‘ The Neurotypical’s are the True Hero’s behind the person on the Spectrum, and they go unnoticed’, and so much more. Because He… an advocate for what used to be called Aspergers ( which was fought to be changed because of the, “negative connotations and stigma it has towards people on the Spectrum, BY THE PEOPLE ON THE SPECTRUM, I kid you not!!!) “… even he had to acknowledge the Neurotypical’s STRUGGLES. The negative effects on us are very obvious. How can you possibly be in a relationship with somebody with no empathy or compassion? Someone with tunnel vision who always prioritises their needs and doesn’t understand why that is selfish and wrong. What kind of love, support, protection and caring could that possibly give you or your children? Dr Attwood wouldn’t be a good person if he wasn’t honest about that fact, and he is a good family man. Although another person who chose to backdown from our plight and leave us bleeding.
The Radical Autism Supporter Groups all picketed his Seminars and Conferences all over the world. His books sales dropped and Dr Attwood’s Conference Attendance all over the world went down. So it ended in him no longer speaking for us (the Neurotypical’s) and the Conferences in the USA stopped for us. This was back in the early 2,000’s. Look it up. He still supports us quietly and has the Faaas.org website listed as a support group on his website. It is just not enough though. He has the power to do more. Leaving millions or billions of people in abusive relationships can not be filed under, ‘ conflict of interests’ .
The Radical Autism Supporters who are typically on the Spectrum themselves will attempt to Sabotage anything that has to do with exposing our Neurotypical plight. They have no empathy or compassion so they can be vile and cruel. They will inevitably try to rip this book apart and say the data is not correct or that it is old Data. Many will take the time to rip it apart chapter by chapter with their inability to interpret data accurately. And to find negative intention where none was ever intended. They are obsessive compulsive and will never quit. One example above was that it is outdated because the author used the term Aspergers and they no longer use that term.. This is to MAKE YOU DOUBT ITS CREDIBILITY. The truth is the author put in parentheses after she wrote the word Aspergers, ( ‘ a label used to this date’) They will do everything in their power to discredit and do away with anything that uncovers the real truth. Another rating of ‘1’ above on the book tries to offensively rip apart the fact the the Dr is Israeli. They say they are only her opinions to discredit her when the reality is she backs up her data with the specific studies that were done by others to support her data. How has this not been removed in this day and age? Attacking and discrediting her because of her ethnicity and where her home is? I certainly reported it and so should you after you read the book or before for that matter. They are panicking! Just read the Scathing reviews of the multiple people who gave a, ‘1 rating’, to the book. Those are written by people on the Spectrum. It is not that difficult to figure out. This is what we are up against. Every support group we have they infiltrate with their anger and disgust. Two were thrown out of a group I am on in the past month. They were posing as Neurotypicals’ who were married to someone on the Spectrum. Why? Because they can’t let the truth come out! They don’t want people to know that most of them are incapable of emotional relationships with reciprocity, emotional support, and respect. They certainly can’t admit they have issues. Their brains are wired to be defensive and to avoid anything remotely emotional. Nothing is ever their fault; it is always everyone elses!!! They will love bomb their intended woman by mimicking movies and after you are Married to them with more often then not an Autistic child in your belly, especially if you have 2 or more… then the real Husband with his zero ability to even pretend they have empathy or compassion- comes home to you from their typically high paying job. (IT and Engineering, Medicine, Lawyers…) Their parenting skills can be frightening. How do you parent a child when you have no compassion, empathy and only their needs and obsessions come first? They ARE typically abusive in so many ways without even trying: emotionally, mentally, financially, verbally and sadly sometimes physically. This is real and this is my 1st hand experience as well as knowing many other poor souls living the same. This is my freedom to express in my words. This book talks about many of these issues and behaviours and how they effect us. In the end it talks about what we can do for ourselves, to try to find our happiness again. To experience at least pockets of happiness. Save the next generations of females (and often males) who are about to give up their minds, bodies, souls, health, friendships and healthy relationships, careers, hope, happiness, dreams, joy and decades of their lives.
I am not talking about children on the Autism Spectrum who deserve nothing but love, understanding, compassion and program care to become the best persons they can be with the best quality of life. These youngsters ( that are typically born to a union where one parent is on the Spectrum or often there is a distant family member on the Spectrum. That is called a , ‘Double Whammy for the Neurotypical living it by Dr. Tony Attwood) deserve every bit of help from not just the Government, and health care, but all people and humanity in general. They need to be protected and loved and helped, and SO DO THEIR BLESSED PARENTS!!! Exposing these truths by the spouses of those married to someone on the Spectrum is essential to understanding the necessary treatment, strategies and guidance required on what needs to be taught to the HFA children to become good, healthy partners to marry and to understand boundary lines in a healthy, happier relationships, to know right from wrong, functional family from dysfunctional family, abusive from non-abusive. They need to learn that is imperative that they have to talk about things, not run from them, deny and avoid. They need to be taught that resolution of issues and most importantly taking ownership for the cause of issues when appropriate is a part of being a good, healthy human. There needs to be Extensive studies and treatment into their severe anxieties. They need to be taught, ‘ Mindfulness Exercises as well as the spouses who marry them. This is our only hope! This is their only hope. It could be a worldly movement of sorts to better humanity.
Let’s utilise this opportunity that Dr Pnina Arad and all of those who have contributed to this absolute masterpiece to its fullest advantage. Every person who is married to someone on the spectrum needs to buy at least 2 copies of this book; 1 to read themselves and 1 to give to some other tortured soul who is living the same nightmare as you!!! Write a letter to Dr Phil and Oprah AND always look in your support groups and everywhere else that touches on the subject of the impossible life with suspicion that Radical Autism Supporters will always infiltrate and try to discredit and force out the very things that expose the truth. For example all of the 1 and 2 ‘ - ratings, above and below. This is their attempt to drop the 5 stars of the book so people won’t read it. Let them though; it will not stop us spreading the word. If ever we had a responsibility to our Sisterhood or Fellowship… THIS IS IT!! Next they will be saying that they are Neurotypical’s below. Just watch.
Read this book. And then read it over and over again. Read it until you can confidently share the study results with others suffering like you and understand the effects on we Neurotypicals caused by the pattern of their dysfunctional behavior, actions, and lack of actions. We have been confused, frustrated, and isolated since the beginning of time. Now you can educate yourself with this book. Validate yourself and then validate others. Let them know they are not losing their minds!!! For those who find it depressing to literally read our true reality? Read it again. Put the book down to digest it and then pick it back up when you are ready. You are strong!!! You can’t blame the book for clearly identifying and supporting our reality. It is our powerful story however painful. There can’t be change without acknowledgement. You owe it to yourselves, you owe it to your Autistic Children. We are strong! It is your duty. Living with someone on the Autism Spectrum Is a situation that can’t really be resolved, only understood. Again, you can’t blame the book for sharing our truth that is often beyond sad. With information THERE IS POWER. With our support in numbers THERE IS PIWER. With awareness there is something that can’t be denied and therefore POWER. With something that is exposed and acknowledged there are studies and help. THAT IS POWER to change things for the better. THAT IS THE ONLY PLACE OUR HOPE AND SALVATION EXISTS.
To the reviews by those on the Spectrum who are great people and are always trying to understand More, and be your best you? I send you love and adoration. I embrace you and say thank you. One young man on the Spectrum read it and decided to get diagnosed, so he could learn how to be a good partner in the future. If only ALL people on the Spectrum could humble themselves and succumb to the necessity to be open to training, knowledge and change in the name of love and the betterment of humanity. My heart goes out to you and I truly commend your desire to be the best person you can be. If everyone on the Spectrum could accept that attitude there could be so much hope and better harmony. If you know your brain is wired differently… which is an absolute Scientific, Physiological fact…. Then why isn’t there an obvious need and desire for you to learn more effective ways to communicate and behave if you wish to be in a relationship with a Neurotypical? There is a definitive adaptation and compromise that a Neurotypical has to succumb to, full stop. What is the rational minds set that makes you think that you shouldn’t have to do the same?
Addendum: One of Karen Rodman’s creator of FAAAS.org and our pioneer’s lifelong dreams is to have OTRS ( Ongoing Traumatic Relationship Syndrome) acknowledged in the DSM5 ( This is the the, ‘Medical Bible’, of the diagnostic Criteria of all Psychiatric Diagnosis’ . I was strong, beautiful, vivacious, hysterically funny, laughed all the time, a successful career woman, and extremely physically healthy when my husband came into my life. I know have Autoimmune Disorders and feel like I am 100 years old. Your body can only handle so much and it eventually gives out, or the stress itself just makes us feel chronically fatigued and ill. What we suffer is like PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) only ours is not caused by a past trauma. It is caused by our ongoing daily trauma. We deserve the diagnosis when it happens and the right to know it is a condition cause by someone with years and decades of extreme suffering at the hand of others. To teach the public and Medical Professionals that it is indeed real , those who have ignored us thus far. We need health insurance to cover treatment for ourselves and our children and assistance programs. We need places to go to find support from others like us that remind us to be kind to ourselves, to take care of ourselves and to feed our hearts and souls. Wether it ignites a negative stigma for an Adult on the Spectrum or not!!!! The reality still exists and should be treated effectively.
This is the coming of, ‘Our Time’, where the dirty little secrets are out , those who are on the Spectrum who abuse are exposed and held accountable. Those who aren’t abusive then God bless you.
We must all do our part to make it better. Read the book! To live in hope again. I know we are chronically exhausted… but this is the time push once more. YOU ARE STRONG!!! Otherwise,… you wouldn’t be here. God bless you all, as well as those married adults on the Spectrum who need to admit and come to terms with the fact that they need help and succumb to their issues and try to do better as every responsible, good human being, parent , spouse and productive member of society needs to.